I'm hilarious

can I kill myself not like permanently just like a day to make a statement on how upset I am

Carl: Dr. Grace isn’t dead. Stratt told me he went to another planet where he can run and play with other scientists and she wouldn’t lie about that

the first thing u need to understand about athletes is that they are cringe losers bc they skipped school in hopes of never having to work a real job. the second thing you need to understand abt athletes is that they are first and foremost workers whose years of lucrative labour are capped by the very real limit that the strain of that selfsame work puts on their bodies which means they retire at an age before most people's careers even really take off and are expected to get by for the rest of their lives on the money they earned those few years. the third thing you need to understand is that they want to fuck their coworker.

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

the thing about sidgeno is that it's the quintessential love story where somehow the laws of geography, international law, language and sports management all individualy and simultaneously worked together to make sure two people could meet and become fundamental parts of each other's lives. the thing about sidnate is that nathan mackinnon is living a kind of psychosexual horror drama previously unknown to mankind.

the thing about sidclaude is that sidney crosby and claude giroux tried to kill each other for real.

ok i thought of several more of these. sidovi is like a pr marriage, but the marriage is actually a rivalry to sell more season tickets. sidjack is like a lifetime movie where a small-city girl leaves to new york (actually pittsburgh, pa) to follow her dream job but comes back to her hometown in the christmas season and sees her childhood sweetheart again. sidmario is if you wanted to fuck your highschool teacher. sidmack is if your highschool student wanted to fuck you. sidgenoanna is like if a married couple wanted you to be their purse dog. also, you might have birthed their son. sidkris is a nerd girl and a bad boy, also the bad boy has great hair and is french-canadian. sidflower is if your wife died tragically, or a orpheus/eurydice thing, and your wife/eurydice is also french-canadian. sid x ek is like if you wanted to fuck the pool boy. anyway, the point is if you've stood beside sidney crosby for more than five minutes there's an ao3 tag for you two.

Star Wars fanfic is crazy because it will be like the most intense diabolical whump with characters getting tortured betrayed loosing even more body parts than in canon having ill advised sex and wanting to kill themselves but it will still somehow be a fix it because somewhere in there they will stop Order 66