I am the beast I worship

I didn't die if anyone is wondering lol... Tho noone uses Tumblr anymore right

Broke my phone so I literally couldn’t call a hotline if I wanted to :) 

can’t be honest about my addiction either because you see I actually need my drugs to be normal as I was not normal before :) but I made the mistake of thinking taking more than regular amount would make me smarter but all it did was make me build a dependency on it! and though I’ve been actually controlling my addiction quarantine has turned my life to garbage shit stain  pee pee poo poo! XD

I’m a fucking manchild and I should be shot in the streets. ITS LIKE my whole life I had a drawer full of gold, that I could only catch glimpses of but could never open. I’m always so close. so fucking close to opening it. I never can. and you begin to wonder if you’re delusional for even believing there ever was gold

Im just straight up fucking useless. The things that I want in life are unattainable. My body is fucking shit and im only 21. I’m supposed to live with myself for another 80 years how am I supposed to do that. Im straight up good at fucking nothing. Why am I like this? When all I want is something simple.I want to start cutting again. lol what a fucking attention seeker. its pathetic man. I have had probably the easiest semester Ive ever had and yet im gonna fail 3/5 of my classes. I was supposed to graduate in 3 years and its looking like its going to be 5 years. Literally the easiest life imaginable and I cant do it. and noone will ever understand. Im alone

Cool how all I ever wanted was just to be smart. THen that got changed to just be normal. and im not even good at that. I have no control over my life. Its stupid to keep living. its stupid to talk about it. I spent all of 2019 living like a degenerate unsure of whether to kill myself or not just do decide not to. and now things are bad again.