Leaden Sparrow

The snow streaks across the air as the rumble of the platypus shaped hoverjet streaks across the near empty streets of Danville. Stacy ducks, one hand on her blue banded fedora and the other clutching her phone to her ear. “They're recreating Rudolph with a mechanical reindeer who– who shoots lasers and a twelve part music number! Two key changes! Two!” Candace shouts through the receiver. Stacy can practically see her best friend leaning out the window to shout down at her brothers.

“Left left–” Stacy hisses as Perry chitters in response, the hoverjet skidding around a corner slick with ice and sleet as the distant sound of clanging Christmas bells gets louder. 

“Oh!” Candace says still shouting into her phone, switching topics quicker than the wind. “You’re still coming to the holiday party right?” Stacy gulps, looking down at her watch as the digital number stares unblinking back up at her. Two hours, she can do it right? She looks down at Perry, his eyes narrowed as he flies fast through the storm. “I’ve got this candy cane look to match with Jeremy and his candy cane tie– if the boys don’t ruin this one too!” The shout echoes as Stacy pulls the phone away from her ear. 

“Yeah–” She says, desperately clutching to the side of the hoverjet as Perry chitters in anger as the bells get further away. The clanging noise echoing off the buildings around them and occasionally a person, home covered in Christmas lights and often in an ugly sweater pokes their head out of the windows shouting about the noise. “Yeah of course!” She leans forward, watching the radar blinking on the screen, half covered in snow. She looks up, the turn is here. “Turn right!” 

“What?” Candace asks as the hoverjet screeches around another corner. Perry having to nearly stand up to make the turn as the hoverjet slips and slides across the ice. “What are you doing?” Her tone grows suspicious as Stacy feels sweat bead on her brow even as her limbs are freezing against the cold and snow.

“I’m uh–” She looks down to Perry for help who only shrugs. “Thanks a lot!” Stacy hisses back when he goes back to flying like Stacy isn’t panicking right now. “I’m with– uh– my uncle! Yeah my uncle Perr–Perrin!” Perry facepalms next to her. Stacy sticks her tongue out at him, if he wanted a better story he would’ve helped her. 

“Oh!” Candace says, the sound of fabric ruffling as Candace digs through the closet. “You have  an uncle? Named Perrin?”

“Yep!” Stacy swipes her hand across the radar monitor as the snow blots out the beeping red dot. The clanging of the bells gets louder as Perry turns shooting straight up into the snow. “Gotta go! Bye!” She hangs up, for a second feeling a bit of guilt before shaking her head. Candace would understand. It would be fine… she’ll make it to the party. “How much further?” She shouts over the wind and snow sticking to her face. A tight grip remains on her hat as they arrive on the roof. The hoverjet putters to a stop as a shadow passes over them. “Oh,” She turns to Perry and points up. “Found it!”    

“Bells!” Doofensmirtz shouts, throwing his arms up in the air. “Bells! Bells! Bells! Ring in the yule tides of Dr. Heinz Doofensmirtz!” The giant metal bells are tied to the bottom of a purple blimp clang loudly in response. 

“Ow!” Norm shouts over the wind, metal hands over his ears. “That’s loud!”   

“Correct!” Doofensmirtz shouts over the din. “Every year the people of Danville ring bells to celebrate the yule tides and ruin my sleep! Do you know how hard it is to keep a good sleep schedule? Impossible with the Bong! Bong! Bong! Euch!” He shakes his head. “No more shall the merriment of Danville keep me from my eight hours of beauty rest!” He throws his hands into the air as another great bellowing bong echoes across the tri-state area.

“Wow,” Stacy says, as Perry pulls out a grappling hook and pulls them both up to the platform of the blimp. “Petty much?” She leans down and fist bumps Perry.

“Perry the Platypus! How unexpected and by that I mean… unexpected?” The man in a white parka and a giant woolen hat shouts with a pointed finger. “How did you get out of my trap! It should’ve taken you hours to say goodbye to everyone at the party!” 

“Human skills,” Stacy says with a wiggle of her gloved hands even as Perry chitters back at the doctor. “I’ve gotten really good at Irish goodbyes." 

“Curse you–” He squints. “Hey aren’t you a babysitter?” He brightens and claps his hands as the bells toll again, rattling Stacy’s head as she stumbles backwards. “Perry! You have a babysitter?” Perry chitters back angrily and Doofensmirtz puts his hands up. “Geez! Geez!” He says leaning against his control panel. “Sore spot,” He snaps his fingers. “Norm! Get them!” 

Perry chitters, raising a blue fist and charges as Norm runs towards them with thundering footsteps. “Right away Dr. D!” The robot shouts. “Please stop running!” Stacy ducks under the metal arm, feet dancing across the platform as the bells clang below. Norm turns, his entire body moving slowly as he reaches again for Stacy. 

“Oh no you don’t!” She shouts, cheeks flushing as her blood begins to pump faster. There was something about the thrill of a fight. Of knowing that she’s in danger. It was like when she was in Phineas and Ferb’s adventure course dodging giant worms and mud. Maybe this is why Candace goes on a mad quest every day, the adrenaline is a drug.  

She laughs as Norm takes another swipe at her and misses all over again. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Perry launch himself at Doofensmirtz, smacking the man with his tail and sending him flying backwards before being grabbed out of the air and thrown into the control panel. Electricity sparks across the air as the bells echo across the city. Loud and endless, Stacy stumbles backwards clutching at her ears as the bells echo in her ears. 

Bong. 

Bong.

Bong. 

“Someone turn it off!” Doofensmirtz shouts, falling back against the platform. 

“You built it!” Stacy shouts back, unable to even hear herself as the words leave her mouth, falling to her knees as the bells rattle her teeth. 

“Shush babysitter!” 

“Hey!” Perry’s chitter gets lost in the noise as Stacy takes a deep breath and reassesses the situation. First, the sparking electricity as the control panel goes berserk and the bells are getting louder and louder. Second, Perry is stumbling backwards with hands over where his ears are and Doofensmirtz has collapsed to his knees as the tolling gets louder. Stacy’s ears are ringing as she looks down at her digital clock. An hour and a half and she isn’t even in a dress yet, gritting her teeth as she pulls herself back to her feet.

Bong. 

She leaps forward, springing to her feet as Norm falls backwards with a heavy thud onto the platform. The rumble propels her forward as she trips over her own feet sending her flying towards the control panel.

Bong.

Electricity strikes the air as she reaches out her hand. 

Bong. 

“Nooooooo!” She distantly hears Doofensmirtz shout.

Bong. 

She looks back as Perry flips Doofensmirtz over his shoulder as the doctor hits the platform. 

Bong.

Her hand hits the self-destruct button. 

Boom!

Stacy coughs, stumbling backwards as the smoke from the exploded control panel. She looks up, watching the giant bell sail off the machine and disappear onto the horizon. Doofensmirtz looks up from his place on the floor. “Curse you Perry the Platypus! And you– babysitter!”

“Hey!” She marches over, hands on her hips even as Perry grabs the back of her skirt and tries to pull her away. “I’m not his babysitter! I’m his friend and–” She narrows her eyes as Doofensmirtz barely hides his grin. “Why are you laughing!?” She turns around and narrows her eyes as Perry barely disguises his own chuckle. “Why are you laughing?!” Perry pulls out a mirror and turns it towards her. “Oh my gosh!” She grabs the mirror from Perry’s hands and looks closer. Soot has covered her face and clothes. “How am I supposed to go to a party now?!” 

Doofensmirtz stands, brushing himself off and looks down at his phone. “I could ask my daughter?” His fingers fly across the screen as he speaks, the bruise on his cheek already crystalizing and his eyes glued to the screen. “She’s…” He frowns, “I can’t quite remember… something about Germans and the Roman Empire?” 

Perry chitters. “I can’t wear a Spartan uniform to a holiday party!” Stacy shouts, beginning to pace the length of the platform, flipping through her phone at lightning speed. “Oh and all the stores are closed!” 

“Excuse me!”

“Can it Norm!”             

“It’s in my hair!” Stacy shouts, trying desperately to pat the smoke out of her hair. Candace was waiting for her! She needs to…

The platform careens downhill, Stacy near losing her balance falling forward and clinging to the control panel as the sound of a balloon deflating fills the air. “The blimp!” Doofensmirtz shouts, pointing upwards with a dramatic hand before falling directly onto his face as the platform sways wildly in the wind. Stacy looks up, a hole has been punctured and air is rapidly flying out of control.

“Hold on!” She shouts as Doofensmirtz screams, clinging to Norm as the robot screams in tandem. “Perry!” She can’t hear him respond as the wind whips through her hair as she looks frantically for a way out. The ground gets closer and closer as she screams. How was she supposed to go to Candance’s party if she was a pancake on the ground? Oh this is going to ruin Christmas! “Perry!” She screams. “If you're going to do anything now is the time!” 

The chitter breaks though the wind as she looks down, the hoverjet right below her, she grins through the terror lacing her skin as she lets herself fall forward, feet scrambling against the smooth platform as she falls into the passenger seat, her knees hitting her chest as she grabs the sides and screams towards Perry. “Drive!” 

His chitter fills the air as the hoverjet banks hard against the blimp, wind whipping through her soot covered hair and sticking her cheeks to her teeth. Doofensmirtz is still screaming, falling through the air as he and Norm hug each other as the blimp takes off into the horizon like a helium balloon. Perry turns the hoverjet, the seatbelt holding Stacy in place as she grabs the emergency hoverjet grappling hook and closes one eye– takes a deep breath and shoots. “Grab on!” She shouts above the wind as Perry’s chitter fills the air. 

The bolt hits the side of Norm and the wire wraps itself around the giant metal robot as she pulls, muscles straining as Perry chitters and pulls the hoverjet up, his blue face straining as Stacy plants her feet against the side of the hoverjet and yanks Norm off the platform. Doofensmirtz screams as he clings to Norm. “Let me up! Let me up!” He screeches and Stacy pulls hard as Perry strains against the weight. Stacy looks down, watching Doofensmirtz as he climbs atop Norm and goes for the wire. 

“What are you doing?!” She shouts down, still barely holding on as Doofensmirtz continues to climb. His hands and shiny black shoes slowly inching up the taunt wire. “Stop! It’s going to snap!”

Doofensmirtz does not stop, he slips, sliding back down before wrapping around the wire and attempting to climb up again. “This is ill conceived!" Norm’s blinding smile flips to a frown as he speaks, the metal teeth lighting up as Doofensmirtz glares down. 

“Can it!” He looks up and points at Stacy. “And you, Miss. Babysitter! I am not going to–” He wobbles precariously as he points towards the ground that is rapidly vanishing into a cloud of snow and wind. “Fall to my death!? Is that what you want?” He shouts over the wind.

Perry chitters loudly as Stacy snaps, her muscles dragging as her knees buckle as Doofensmirtz scoots another inch up the wire. The grappling hook slips in her snow slick hands. “If you stopped moving!” She shouts, eyes narrowed as Doofensmirtz freezes under her gaze. “You won’t fall!” 

For a moment there is stillness, the only sound is the hoverjet straining against the weight and the wind howling against the buildings. Doofensmirtz looks up, reaching a hand forward. “Just a bit–”

“No–”

Snap!

The wire snaps, the moment sends Stacy flying forward– pitching over the side of the hoverjet into the snow. For a moment, there is stillness as if the snow has frozen midair before her knees go over her head and she sees her reflection rapidly spiraling in the wind of the skyscraper next to her. Distantly she can hear Doofensmirtz screaming. 

She hears the whirl of the hoverjet as she swims in the air towards Perry’s blurry form. The snow blinding her vision as she follows the sound. The wind whips through her air before she falls with a thump into the passenger seat as Perry chitters whipping around towards Doofensmitz’s screaming blurry form. The snow falls thicker as Perry banks hard, skidding across the air and drops. Stacy grips the side of the hoverjet as Perry leans forward, dark eyes narrowed as he presses on the gas. She screams as the snow blurs her vision, the hoverjet going faster and faster. “Break!” She shouts, the ground getting closer and closer. Perry chitters back and Stacy screams. “Break!” 

“Helppppp!!” She hears Doofensmirtz scream as the cold icy concrete enters Stacy’s vision. Perry chitters again, pulling up on the hoverjet as the engines whine. The platypus leans over the side of the hoverjet as Stacy leaps forward for the controls, planting her feet and pulling upwards as the thin wire of the grappling hook wraps around Norm’s metal form. The robot screams as Doofensmirtz clings to him. Stacy grits her teeth as she hears the creak of the hoverjet pulling against the added weight. “Let me up!”  

“Oh we are soooo not doing this again!” Stacy shouts down the smell of smoke filling her nose as she turns her head towards the wind spitting snow into her face. “Perry!” The back engine was spluttering as great billowing plumes of smoke belched out into the darkness. Whatever chitter he gives back is lost to the wind as gravity leaves them. The entire hoverjet gives out as they all fall in the plume of smoke. Stacy covers her eyes with cold hands as the ground gets closer.

“Perry!” She shouts at the top of her lungs, snow sweeping across her vision.

The hoverjet sweeps under her. Stacy can practically hear the theme music as they zoom forward, dragging Norm and Doofensmirtz behind them as the man’s black shoes skid against the ice slick pavement. “Helpppppppppppp!” Doofensmirtz shouts, spitting out piles of smoke and snow as the hoverjet continues to billow smoke. 

Perry chitter gets lost in the snow as he loses control of the hoverjet, his eyes going wide just as Stacy’s does as the glass front of a store emerges before them. “Look out!” She shouts far too late.                       

Crash! 

Stacy rolls forward, screaming as she tips head over heels into the glass of the store. Norm flies forward with Doofensmirtz in his arms as the two slingshot into the back. The grappling hook rope wrapping around Stacy’s ankle and dragging her forward. She scrambles but the rope is wrapped firmly as she’s dragged across the ground and her hat flies off her head. Doofensmirtz and Norm keep rolling, crashing into the back of the store, bricks and clothing flying everywhere as the three of them scream.

The ground continues to roll around her head as the three of them are flung forward into a rolling ball of clothing, robot and human. She thinks she can see a mechanical sleigh and singing children as the snow blurs her vision. She screams as they go careening down the hill. 

“Oh hey!” She looks up with chattering teeth and freezing gums. “What are you doing Stacy?” Phineas waves at her from the top of a mechanical reindeer blasting Christmas music. 

“He–l–l-l-” She screams, bouncing on the ground and rolling around in the pile of clothing and robot.

“Hi to you too!” She thinks she sees Ferb’s green blob waving at her. “See you soon Stacy!” Phineas shouts as Isabella sweeps down to their side, in a pink parka with heart shaped earmuffs. 

“Love the dress!” She shouts before sweeping away, the sound of Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree blasting into the air as the sleigh opens up a rocket bigger than the entire sleigh and begins to light up red hot. 

“No!” Stacy shouts, the pit in her stomach growing as the sleigh launches forward pulling Stacy forward, she watches through a snow blurred vision as Doofensmirtz and Norm get launched into the air. 

“Curse you Perry the platypus and giant mechanical sleigh and also Stacy the babysitter!!” She hears growing distant into the air before the sleigh picks up speed and launches into the air dragging Stacy around with it. 

She screams as she whips through the air, tears building in her eyes as the Flynn-Fletcher residence grows closer and closer. The deafening tune of Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree fills her ears even as the wind tries to snatch it away.

As quickly as the sleigh reached top speeds, it stopped. The sleigh skidding to a halt as Stacy hits the back of it, sliding down the red metal and landing in a snowbank next to the Flynn-Fletcher yellow garage as the sleigh lands on the other side. The grappling hook rope finally fell away, maybe she’ll have to let Perry know that his grappling rope isn't fire proof. 

“Ah-ha!” She looks up from the snowbank as Candace half dressed in a glittery red and white striped dress and hair still in hair rollers rounds the corner. “Just you wait till mom– Stacy!?” 

“Oh!” For a moment Stacy reaches for her hat that was long lost in the wind. “Hi–uh!” She stumbles to her feet and brushes snow off herself. “My uh–” Oh what did she call Perry? “Uncle! Yeah uh– he dropped me off and–”

“No time!” Candace shouts, grabbing Stacy’s hand and yanking her forward. “We have to secure the sleigh before–” 

Bong!    

“But-but-but-but–” Candace stutters out as a giant bell falls from the sky and scoops up the giant rocket powered sleigh before bouncing away just as the horn honk of Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher pulls up to the house. Stacy looks up just in time to see Perry’s spluttering hoverjet vanishing into a tube at the top of the snow covered tree.  

“Oh hi, girls!” Mrs. Flynn Fletcher says bundled up in a red scarf carrying a massive ham in her arms. “Candace you really have to get ready!”

“But mom, the boys!” 

“Not another word, young lady!” Mrs. Flynn Fletcher says, opening the door with her foot and stepping inside the warm and festively decorated house. The kids all dressed up and helping Mr. Fletcher hangs up the last of the snowflakes on the ceiling. Mrs. Flynn Fletcher doesn’t seem to notice behind her giant ham that Ferb is walking on the ceiling. 

“Mom!” Candace shouts pointing towards the boys. 

“Dressed!” Mrs. Flynn Fletcher shouts with a point of her hand as Candace and Stacy follow her inside. “See Stacy all dressed!”

“It’s lookin good!” Phineas interjects with a pair of finger guns as Ferb drops from the ceiling just in time for Mrs. Flynn Fletcher as she swoons over the snowflakes glimmering on the ceiling of the house. 

Stacy frowns, when did she… she looks down at her outfit. It wasn’t her blue parka she was wearing earlier. Instead she was now in a sparkly blue cocktail dress. She frowns… when did… the ball of clothing! She grins up at the Flynn-Fletcher family. “Thank you!” She says with a light curtsey as Candance huffs before thudding up the stairs past Perry who quickly runs to Stacy’s side.