Lindsay | 36 | She/Hers Hyperfixating, romance-loving nerd with ADHD. Maplesyrup on AO3 No TERFS, No underage, no hate, no bigotry This blog is 18+ and frequently thirsty
Hey. Hi. Hello. Uh...smut and our favorite priest, so, you know. Enjoy!
Rating: E | Chapter: 2/2 | AO3 Link
Somehow sheād retrieved his coat as well as her own and he was thankful for it as he walked numbly beside her, her hand in his and him not caring who saw as she led him where she wanted.
The click of her stiletto heels was the center of his focus, never having seen a woman in them before, let alone Millie. She was so much taller, her pretty face so much closer to his, it would be so very easy to lean in and kiss herā
She came to a stop and he was too absorbed in his daydream to realize at first. Heād have fallen had it not been for her hand securely holding his. Blinking back to reality, he looked around, seeing rows of brick townhouses lining each side of the street they were on. Puzzled, he turned around, still holding Millieās hand as he tried to figure out where in the city they were.
Millie squeezed his hand gently, drawing his attention back to her.
āIāll be right back.ā
She released him, and the loss of her warm hand almost hurt. She climbed the short flight of brick steps to the front door of the townhouse in front of them and pressed the doorbell. She stood back, patiently waiting, until the door opened and a nondescript-looking man greeted her with a smile and a kiss on the cheek.
They exchanged a few words, the man glancing at John before giving Millie an understanding nod.
āYouāre the best,ā she said before coming back down the steps to grab John and tug him gently after her. He climbed the stairs, confused but trusting as she led him through the entry and down a long hallway lined with dark wooden floors and deep burgundy wallpaper. A side table dotted the walls here and there but there was no other decoration save that.
They came to a door at what seemed to be the back of the townhouse and Millie stopped, turning to him.
āJohn, I need you to pay attention, please. Take a deep breath and focus for me.ā
He did as she said, taking a deep breath and then another at her urging, and began to feel more himself again, though the shame lingered. Clear-headed once more, he looked around.
āWhat is this place?ā
Millie smiled. āMy favorite secret. One I donāt share with anyone. Except you, now.ā She reached for and grasped his hands. āJohn, I want to help you, and I think this is a good way to do that. But I need you to trust me. Can you?ā
He nodded. āYes, of course.ā
She nodded in return. āGood. Iām glad. I also need you to know that I will never hurt you or do anything that you donāt want and you can say stop at any time and we will.ā
He frowned. āI know that, Millie, but I still donāt understand whatās going on here.ā
Taking a deep breath of her own, she met his eyes unflinchingly.
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Lmao youāre an adult, you shouldnāt be using the word squick. Use trigger. Use your grown up adult words to explain how you feel instead of leaning on a cutesy uwu term that no one outside of tumblr uses. Itās embarrassing.
#like...why use this baby word when you can just say how you feel about it
Found this in the original post tags and I just... SIGH
Hereās the thing, anon. Squick isnāt justĀ āI donāt like thisā, itāsĀ āI think this is gross and it makes me deeply uncomfortable but I pass no judgement on those who enjoy it, because I acknowledge that everyone is different and those same people may have the same visceral reaction some of the things I enjoyā and was originally made popular in the kink community.
So yeah, if you want to say that every time you come across a trope or whatever you find icky then go ahead, say that every time.
Also, this term dates back to Usenet in the early nineties, so sure, go off.
This frustrates me so much because squicks and triggers are fundamentally different things and as someone with PTSD, the distinction is super useful!
Squicks are things I find personally gross but may not be gross to someone else. They donāt upset me or provoke my PTSD, they simply do not pop my corn. Example: Omegaverse. I donāt like it, it makes me uncomfortable and Iām not going to read it, but if you like it, you do you.
Triggers are things which directly provoke my PTSD. This means that my triggers may seem completely normal and innocuous to someone else, because my triggers are so personal and intrinsically linked to a specific event in my life. My reactions to these triggers can include panic attacks and flashbacks to this traumatic event. Sometimes being triggered can affect me for several hours or even days.
Describing something as either a squick or a trigger allows me easily establish the difference in my potential reaction to something without having to go into painful detail about why bodily fluids might make me back button quickly but poker games might leave me a crying wreck.Ā
Making this distinction, and having a specific word for something that is not your slice of pie, but also not an actual psychological trigger, is also REALLY important for making sure that the word ātriggerā can retain its original, specific, purposeful, and collectively understood clinical meaning (both inside and outside online fannish communities).
If we encourage everyone to lump things that just make them slightly uncomfortable or simply arenāt to their taste in under the word ātriggerā, it actually dilutes the meaning of the word. It makes it harder for us all to, for the most part, collectively agree on and understand what exactly is being described when the word gets used.
And that destruction of shared precise definitions is a problem! It is really useful to have the communal language to be able to clearly and quickly delineate between āthis grosses me out, no thanksā and āthis is going to set off a trauma episode, rattle my brain, and probably throw off the rest of my day/week as a resultā while also maintaining your privacy, and to know that you will be understood in what you are saying. Not having it is actually detrimental to the effort of making our communities safe and navigable for people living with trauma. Which is a goal that is much more important to me, personally, than the idea of not being ācutesyā (a word which in this case which sounds a lot like itās being used as a euphemism for ācringeā).
(Also, one has to wonder if people told Shakespeare he was being childish when he made up entirely new words that are still widely used in the English language today...... š¤)
My understanding is thatĀ āsquickā was also created to avoid using more judgmental terms likeĀ āgrossā orĀ ādisturbingā--like yeah, I do find X kink gross or disturbing, but thatās my personal feeling, not an objective fact about the world, and if Iām explaining to my friend who is super into X that Iād prefer they leave it out of the story theyāre writing me in the fic exchange, I want to use politer language!
āSquickā does sound silly, like onomatopoeia, but I think thatās part of its role--itās a word that defuses if, again, youāre saying something squicks you in front of an audience that may include its connoisseurs. When I say Iām squicked, Iām clearly not getting onto a high horse of dignity and moral righteousness. At the same time Iām not being so indirect for the sake of politeness--āoh, itās not my favorite thing, Iām not sure it works for me, I havenāt found a fic about it that clicks for meā--that someone could misunderstand how much I do not want to see it.
And, to reiterate, it is a grown up word made by grown up nerds in the 90s so if you think it was somehow born on and limited to Tumblr I'm going to need you to actually do some fandom history research before you ever speak authoritatively again about anything fandom-related or adjacent.
I love and deeply miss the termĀ āsquickā and really want to see it brought back. It allows dislike for its own sake and without judgement. Itās polite, gentle, and has an air ofĀ āyou do you.ā A squick is not a trigger. Triggers are related to trauma. Youāre allowed to not like things and not have them related to anything other than just finding them unpleasant. And that aversion can be strong! Thatās okay! I really donāt like watersports. Like, gag-reflex levels of aversion, but itās not triggering. I just really donāt like it.Ā
I feel like weāve lost the right/ability to just... quietly not like things and move on with our lives. Not everything is for everyone, and you donāt need a reason to not like something. Just politely and quietly excuse yourself. No need to draw attention, and if someone asks you why you just say,Ā āNo, it squicks me out.ā No judgement. No narrative necessary.Ā
There is a sad trend of trying to make everything you personally dislike morally reprehensible in some way to justify your dislike of it. You're allowed to just not like something for no real reason. You do not have to justify why you dislike something, and the word "squick" is perfect for that. It say "look I really really don't like this thing, but it's ok if you do" and that is useful.
I think the biggest problem is that a lot of these kids are VERY into the whole fandom purity culture thing, so they actually DO want to make it out to be morally reprehensible, and they DON'T think it's ok that other ppl might be into it.
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monsignor pruitt is such a fun character because he's like "yes this horrific naked bat creature is an angel because its scary and the bible says angels are scary. this is sound logic dont question me. also i ate a guy but thats fine anyway im gonna turn everyone into vampires now" and then he does that and immediately afterwards he's like "oh. oh no. this might be a bad idea actually. i think i fucked up."
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Ahahahahaha holy shit, I have no idea. Mostly wait for a piece of media to grab and shake me like a ragdoll in the jaws of a feral badger and then stuff ideas into my head like a reverse lobotomy.
18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?
Almost all of the romance novels I've read, the gothic stories I've read and the wonderful fic my friends write all influence me on the level of creative thinking I want to apply to my work.
19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?
I am horrific at this. Long-form stories are my worst enemy currently because I don't have a linear-thinking brain when it comes to writing (or anything, really). Soooooooo outlines turn into a weird mashup of incredibly detailed ideas and actual written pieces of the story, and then I get bored and don't want to actually write it because it's already written down in one form and my dopamine rush is over.
I like to say I'll write a book but at this point, it probably won't happenš¤£
