no side wound left unfingered

2k, brudick + selina

bruce wayne's massive guilt complex, off-registry gifts, the Ganymede myth, and questionable depictions of art handling

inspired by these earrings!

"Bruce?" There's no reason, except for all of the obvious ones, that Dick's warm and familiar voice should feel like a weight on his shoulders. "Jesus, it's dark in here," he continues, coming around the desk to flick on a light. "You know, you aren't actually a nocturnal creature, you can turn on a table lamp once in a while. Unless you've got a migraine or something?" "My head is fine," Bruce says, stiffly. "We've had a visitor."

oooooh anon this is really interesting! there's definitely some fabulous paranormal brudick/Bruce&Dick out there (these two, one 8k children's fantasy-flavored onshot where Bruce is a magician and one 140k behemoth by the author of the Nightwing protocol where Dick is a faerie, come immediately to mind.) but what I've read is generally focused on when Dick is younger (maybe because the manor lends itself so well to supernatural stuff.) idk that I've seen very much when Dick is in Bludhaven! however I'm new to brudicking so if any of my followers have recs please chime in.

anyway I love this concept! this piece of folklore is new to me but it's really compelling.... the vow continuing to haunt a Dick who maybe never made it at all is so good. unlike a wedding vow the candle ceremony does not have an exit condition! you don't get out of it when you die! the bit about it being a hangover from a past life has me thinking about what if this is a world in which Dick died when the joker shot him in the arm and Bruce went off the deep end (maybe trying to resurrect him?) and became this extrahuman Thing that's haunting Dick in his very mundane reincarnation. ooooh tasty. (and then of course if we want to go in a "nothing paranormal is actually happening here at all" there is always ric grayson to consider. Ric who feels haunted by things he can't explain, who feels like someone is always watching him, who feels hot and cold at odd moments. tbis can fuck up your sense of reality quite a lot; so can stress. and also, the bats ARE always watching him!)

wait I just read the tags again that said whiskey dick not ed but my point still stands lol also since I'm here do you think dick ever considered just topping bruce

oh my god I wrote out a whole answer and tumblr ATE IT. throwing myself out the window. I'm gonna try to reconstruct.

anyway anon yes we are big bruce wayne erectile dysfunction fans in this household after so many years of getting kicked in the crotch and injected with various substances and all the head trauma it's really a coin flip whether that penis is getting hard on any given occasion. and I think dick getting Bruce/himself drunk in order to facilitate ravishment might actually backfire because if he gets drunk enough to go into detail about his fantasies of being shoved up against the batmobile and made to take it Bruce is just going to be listening and slowly wilting both mentally and in the penis direction. the GUILT!!!

now there are lots of ways dick can get ravished that don't require Bruce's cock to be involved at all (bondage! orgasm control! obv toys/objects/fingers is a favorite! sounding!) but they do require Bruce to get past his double shame at wanting any of this and also being unable to reliably provide it in the traditional manner. so it'll take a little work I think.

but it’s not really sex, it’s more like a fuck every time because when they fall into bed together things get intense and desperate. but it’s always so good. then afterwards there’s the usual post coital blues with them, guilt and shame and bruce goes “this can’t happen again.” and dick asks him “how many times are you going to say that?”

the end <3

anon you are so kind to send me a scenario to add to the rotation just in time for bedtime. lately I have had the "dick gets his leg horribly maimed" one on rotation but it's good to toss in something new now and then.

I think this is probably a rare occurrence for both of them - Bruce in particular despite his whole dark wood and cut glass aesthetic is such a control freak and also has an addictive and depressive personality I think he'd be rightfully kind of wary of alcohol. however sometimes there aren't convenient potted plants to toss your champagne into at the gala or the bartender is in on it at the bar you're surveilling and you can't just ask for tonic water. now that I'm saying this I think Bruce "made dick inhale a bunch of toxins" Wayne might be invested in maintaining a high alcohol tolerance so maybe dick comes in partway through one of his for-the-mission misery sessions. he's enough whiskey deep that he's kind of maudlin but not all the way through his allotted and carefully calibrated 312 mL.

Bruce's rational self is not thrilled about dick seeing him like this. however the rest of him is always pleased to see dick :) dick is kind of freaked out about seeing Bruce like this (i imagine Bruce went on a colossal bender after Jason's death and Alfred told Dick about it later in a vaguely disapproving and guilt-trippy way, and Dick is like oh God what now.) and decides the best way to handle it is to also become drunk in the hopes that perhaps this will encourage Bruce to talk to him.

it does not encourage Bruce to talk to him, unless by talk you mean burst out of nowhere with "you're beautiful. I always meant to tell you and I never did" which is so terrifying a thing to hear from Bruce that Dick kisses him to make him stop talking. cue extremely frantic and desperate handjobs on the couch in the study (does not fit two men of their size) and then again on the stairs and then they try for a third round when they make it up to Bruce's bed but neither of them can get it up.

and then Dick (hungover) tries to sneak out in the morning and Bruce (not at all hungover) wakes up but doesn't stop him and it's awful and they absolutely do not speak about what Bruce said at all.

well on an analysis level I think it's like. dick is a planner, you know? he's a bat, and he was also trained as an acrobat. he's good at reacting on the fly in a crisis because he has drilled things a million times not-in a crisis. but unfortunately that kind of mentality will also bleed into how you approach your personal life too.

so I'm sure he's also running through various Batman-related scenarios mentally too, but that's just a fairly normal extension of his vigilante life. whereas mentally drilling conversations with Bruce is-- I mean it's very common. but also probably not a great sign that they always devolve into fights. and I think this is partly dick naturally looking for "how might things go wrong so that I can still salvage the situation if the worst happens" - again a mindset he's bringing over from his nightlife. but while it probably keeps them from actually fighting as much because dick has already done all of his yelling mentally it can't be great for his relationship with Bruce to be living with this internal picture of him who is hypercritical and argumentative and nitpicky. without the counter of Bruce's actual capacity for love and care! it's just sort of Nightwing 96 #13-14 again where they're talking past each other but Bruce isn't actually talking at all 😭

on a twisting-the-knife level yeah dick is fantasizing about a domesticity he hasn't actually achieved with Bruce but crucially it's pretty obvious that he doesn't think he ever will be able to achieve it because he won't even let himself have it mentally. he won't allow himself the uncomplicated fantasy of buying ingredients to cook together with Bruce because imaginary!Dick picks up a pint of raspberries and imaginary!Bruce grunts and goes "there's a recall out on those." like it's just a doomed fantasy in two ways, first because of Dick's self-sabotage mentally and second because They Would Not Go Grocery Shopping Together, just like, ever, Bruce gets a meal service or regular grocery delivery if Alfred is not present and Dick is living off a rotation of chicken breasts and steamed vegetables with various spice combinations cooking is not a priority for either of them. but it's what you do for people you love right? dick wants the fantasy but even in his mind it falls apart.

but it's easier that way sometimes. he can tell himself it would never work and that's why he doesn't ever try to change the relationship he does have with Bruce, rather than admit that he's afraid of it blowing up in his face.

lovely anon your mind is so big and beautiful yes I do. and it's this weird sort of anxious tic that starts as idle fantasy ("what if we went to the grocery store together") and quickly spirals into trying to win an argument with imaginary Bruce about organic produce. and it confirms the worst of dick's beliefs about himself and his relationship with Bruce because why else would he be fantasizing about them having a screaming match about rugs in ikea (place bruce has never set foot.) sniping at each other at the parent-teacher conference (place dick has not asked and at this point does not want to be.) and dick is like whyyyyyy is the Bruce in my head so critical and picky and awful. why can't I imagine us living without conflict. what is wrong with me!!!

but it turns out that sometimes it's not a bad outlet to have an argument in your head instead of with the real person because by the time you get to the real person you may have run out of steam to argue. and also real!Bruce really does look much better in contrast.