Hand on my heart. Hand on my stupid heart.

I can’t stop thinking about the way Statovci portrays csa & incest in the novel. Immediately from the start the reader knows that something is wrong. It’s obvious, isn’t it? But because the narrator is 8 we just understand that “he’s special” to his grandfather & he is lashing out. And then we get him as an adult trying to kill himself which feels like a huge jump but as we’re fed different flashback it becomes unmistakable - his trauma from csa is so pervasive it colors every single aspect of his life. I keep returning specifically to the conversation at the end of the novel with his mother where everything is revealed and he questioned if he was gay because of his assault & asserts that his mother must have seen or heard something. god it was rough to read. It doesn’t matter that the narrator is a famous and celebrated author because his assault fundamentally ruins his ability to enjoy it. Every single thing leads back to his assault. & then to have the last scene of the novel be his family cutting him off oughhhhhh god it was bleak