My life put in a nutshell.

What is she supposed to do, motherfucker? Teleport?? Spontaneously develop the ability to fly unaided?

Not to mention the fact that THERE IS NO ETHICAL CONSUMPTION UNDER CAPITALISM

”…Passing through.“

“Yes.”

“Through your hallway.”

“Yes.”

“And stabbed Voldemort through the eye.”

“Through the eye, yes, and right through the brain: ghastly stuff, Minister, felt absolutely horrid.”

“It felt horrid?”

“I mean… I imagine so.”

“… right. And where did this deer go?”

“Oh, it vanished, Sir, quite spontaneously.”

“…uhuh. So the stag just wandered into your home, skewered a dark wizard, disapeared, and you saw neither where it came from nor where it went.”

“That’s about the size of it, yes.”

Did I cut a trailer for Untitled Goose Game using Lizzo’s “Juice” simply because she says, “Blame it on a goose?“ 

Of course I did.

Bill Weasley:  Curse-breaker, works for Gringotts breaking into cursed tombs and distributing valuables to heirs.  Ron Weasley both broke into Gringotts itself and destroyed the ultimate cursed object, a Horcrux.  Check.

Charlie Weasley:  Aforementioned dragon stuff. Check.

Percy Weasley:  Social climber, status seeker, desperate for attention and approval from his superiors.  Ron:  Literally married to the actual Minister of Magic.  Check.

They wanted to be the worst troublemakers Hogwarts has ever seen?

Ron stole a flying car, flew it from London to Scotland (breaking the international statute of secrecy so many times in the process), and then crashed it into the Whomping Willow. In his second year.

They wanted to use the Marauders Map to learn all the secrets of Hogwarts castle?

Ron helped discover the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets, managed to sneak into the Slytherin common room and had weekly meetings in the Room of Requirement. Oh, and he also managed to top it all of by discovering the secret of the Marauders Map itself.

They wanted to at least make sure that they ended their last year at Hogwarts as the main talking point in the school— y'know, since they put so much effort into all those cool pranks and things?

Ron only goes and takes part in a battle at the Ministry of Magic, during which actual Lord fucking Voldemort shows up and posesses his best friend, safely ensuring that nobody’s going to be talking about that cool swamp the Weasley twins made anymore.

One of the main reasons they started Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes was that they knew that Ron wasn’t interested in starting a business and so was unlikely to one-up them in that regard (and then he ended up becoming a partner in the business…)

Before they thought of this:

“If I gave you a bowl of skittles and three of them were poison would you still eat them?”

“Are the other skittles human lives?”

“What?”

“Like. Is there a good chance. A really good chance. I would be saving someone from a war zone and probably their life if I ate a skittle?”

“Well sure. But the point-”

“I would eat the skittles.”

“Ok-well the point is-”

“I would GORGE myself on skittles. I would eat every single fucking skittle I could find. I would STUFF myself with skittles. And when I found the poison skittle and died I would make sure to leave behind a legacy of children and of friends who also ate skittle after skittle until there were no skittles to be eaten. And each person who found the poison skittle we would weep for. We would weep for their loss, for their sacrifice, and for the fact that they did not let themselves succumb to fear but made the world a better place by eating skittles.

Because your REAL question…the one you hid behind a shitty little inaccurate, insensitive, dehumanizing racist little candy metaphor is, IS MY LIFE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF MEN, WOMEN, AND TERRIFIED CHILDREN…

Haven’t updated here in a bit.  Have a comic from a few months ago… (ink and marker color)

At first, the military wanted to reinforce those areas, because obviously that’s where the ground crews observed the most damage on returning planes. Until Hungarian-born Jewish mathematician Abraham Wald pointed out that this was the damage on the planes that made it home, and the Allies should armor the areas where there are no dots at all, because those are the places where the planes won’t survive when hit. This phenomenon is called survivorship bias, a logic error where you focus on things that survived when you should really be looking at things that didn’t.

Every time a state makes riding a motorcycle without a helmet illegal, the number of ER patients seriously injured in motorcycle accidents skyrockets. Every single time.