Ramblings Of A Fiction Addict

FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY

my gyms water themed. yu do water level puzzles and fight swimmers and those kids with the floaties. everyone has water types. knowing the theme, yo bring a team half/half strong against fire and water, just in case because ofnthe last gym. you get to me.

my team is made entirely of gastly, haunter, and gengar, all named exactly 5 purple hearts. i just really like gengar.

the gym? you ask.

it was on sale, i respond.

You walk through the soft meadows of my gym thinking what should I expect this time? Electric types? FIRE TYPES???? You cross over a beautiful field of daises and tulips, encounter trainers wearing flowers crowns and boasting a plethora of high-level grass and fairy types. Than, deep in the forest while you’re still wondering how the fuck I fit all of this into one building, you encounter a ring of mushrooms, a fairy ring. Inside the ring sits me, the gym leader. You step into the ring ready for battle.

I stand up, walking slowly over to you take you’re hand in mine and gently place something cold and hard into your palm. 

It’s the fairy gyms badge.

I’m not even a Pokemon trainer, I just respond to an ad on craigslist for a gym leader and was the only applicant. 

I ask you a bunch of questions and help you out and even give you a special Pokémon. Then I ask you if you’ve been to the gym and talk about the gym leader. When you say no I push you in the gym.

You battle rock types and you are wondering if you’re even prepared to fight the gym leader. When you finally get to the leaders room, I’m there.

I strike up a friendly conversation and ask you what you think of the gym. I then say “Thanks, I made this myself. It’s still growing. So if you come back I can give you the badge then but it hasn’t come in the mail yet.”

At this point you probably don’t even want to be there anymore. I hand you a small pin that is in the shape of the badge but it’s definitely homemade and cheep. “It’s an I.O.U” I say.

After stocking your team with dark types you take the gym head on. Battling your way through psychic trainers with ease, you finally arrive to a large room. There I stand. The battle commences and you defeat my first two Pokemon, Hypno and Alakazam, with ease. You laugh to yourself, after the hardships of the previous gyms this is like child’s play. I send out my third Pokemon, a beedrill. Dark is weak to Bug. “Something bugging you buddy?” I say with a wink as I decimate your team. You leave without a badge.

Supposedly the Gym Leader uses fighting types. She’s a body builder who wrangles Krookodile in her free time. You don’t know what to expect, so you bring a few psychic and flying types, and then make the rest of your team fairly diverse type-wise just in case.

You’re able to battle your way through the trainers and work your way through the Rock Smash puzzle with little difficulty. You meet me in a small room with wrestling mats on the floor and dumbells next to the walls. I’m working out on the opposite side of the room. I set down the weights as you approach. “I take it you are here to battle me.”

You nod. I flex. “Very well. If you want to receive my badge, you’re going to have to fight me for it. Literally.”

Oh, yeah, I’m one of those. You-can-win-with-any-Pokémon-just-use-what-you-like. Whatever, that one multi-types douche from Kanto was pretty predictable, typical species, no tricky type combinations. ‘Cute’, huh? You switch in a few Steel and Poison Pokémon, expecting a couple Fairies. You remember that one Pachirisu story and bring a Ground type, just in case.

My Gym has zero trainers, but it’s full of bright colors and cheery pastels, cushions and stuffed Pokémon toys lying around on the plush carpet — and not in the creepy abandoned-kid’s-room way, just genuinely cute and playful. Feel-good. I greet you with a pleasant smile and offer you candy.

Ok, your expectations have been punched in the face every time so far, but you’ve actually got my personality pinned down, and there is absolutely no threat in it. You relax, and actually feel confident for once.

“I’m not particularly good, let’s just have fun!” I tell you cheerfully. 

You have no idea what to expect anymore, so you’ve amassed what you believe is the perfect team: it’s well-balanced to defeat anything you come across.

The gum is blank white walls with glowing symbols. There is no one to defeat along the way, only puzzles to crack before you reach me, the gym leader.

You brace yourself, ready for any Pokémon I may throw at you.

Until I grab my watch and summon Wargraymon.

Madonna Nursing the Christ Child, Robert Champin’s (c. 1375 – 26 April 1444)   workshop. Tiny shoulderboobs will be a theme here, as will babies who look like they want to start a fight.

Madonna With Child, Rogier van der Weyden, c.1450. Please note that we have both tiny boob and an invisible nipple.

Mary and Child, Gerard David (1490). Even the baby isn’t buying it.

Madonna Nursing the Christ Child, Legend of the Master of the Magdalen (15th-16th century)

Galaktotrophousa, Master Ioannis (1778). Yes, there’s a boob in this picture.

And my favorite, for bonus points of “why is this even a thing”:

The Miraculous Lactation of St. Bernard, Alonso Cano (1650)

This painting depicts the spiritual nourishing of St. Bernard by the milk of Our Lady, based on this legendary mystical experience: Bernard prayed before a statue of the Madonna, asking her, “Show yourself a mother” (“Monstra te esse Matrem”). The statue came to life and and squirted milk from the breast onto the Saint’s lips.