leave it to stargazers

This on bootyshorts would go crazy

Everyone keep sending your attacks. She can't protect him forever

never ask a woman her age a man his salary your mutual how late it is in her timezone when she starts posting about that bisexual man

you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

This post is from 2013. It has less than 100 notes. Together we can revive this work of art that tragically ahead of its time. We’re ready for it now

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

good news. the things that used to upset me no longer upset me. bad news. i'm creating an army of bugs to hurt innocent bystanders

I lowkey hate when programs talk to me in a friendly way. "don't worry, nearly there!" Shut up. It should say "loading 64.3% completed. Do not turn off device" and absolutely nothing else. You arent my friend you are computer. Act like it

dont talk to me or the physical manifestation of my guilt ever again