🪨

“ah yes. my favorite emotionally unavailable Victorian murder UPS men.”

like?? these two roll up in their cursed little delivery truck, drop off a coffin, commit casual homicide, and leave. no notes. peak customer service. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

also Breekon: loses an arm

Hope: “bro :(”

Breekon: “it’s fine bro :)”

me: sirs????

their whole vibe is “what if the chuckle brothers were undead servants of an eldritch entity.”

and honestly, it's hot.

He’s too busy swinging between paranoid micromanagement and self-destructive guilt spirals to even try. He treats his assistants like expendable canaries in his cursed coal mine, then acts shocked when they end up traumatized.

He’s the sort of person who thinks ‘trust issues’ are a personality trait, except he’s also actively earning them.

Let’s not even talk about his love life. You’re telling me this man can stare down an ancient cosmic Eye but breaks down the moment someone loves him too much or too little? Jonathan ‘I can handle this’ Sims can barely handle a cup of tea without overthinking if it’s poisoned.

Imagine collecting enough haunted texts to start a paranormal library, then acting shocked when they all try to kill you.

He’s the guy who runs headfirst into the eldritch abyss and then writes a strongly worded letter about how unfair it is.

‘Oh no, my books are evil!’ Yeah, Jurgen, that’s what happens when you collect more cursed tomes than sense.

Imagine having the power of infinite knowledge and still choosing to be the world’s most pretentious HR nightmare. He’s the kind of boss who sends ‘circling back’ emails with the same energy as a Bond villain explaining their evil plan.

I only have one request for you. Considering you cannot, or don't know how to, let us out. Either could be very possible where the idea of "one or the other" does not seem to exist.

I would like to know how you got here. Who are you, The Doorman?

Eh am, thank you for your inqueeriry

We, The Doorman,

Am every person here and there ,we was once a an i and we do not remember much of that "life" before the doors and ways and forests and caves of my entity, my love, my heart, my blood.

We are as much of you as you are of them.

Sinsirtinly,