Nezha's Scars (feat. Li Yunxiang)
I've already done a song pairing for Yang Jian, now it's time for Nezha and Li Yunxiang.
I'm not the person that I thought I was
I couldn't tell you where the ache came from
Maybe born in a storm beneath an angry sky
Now it's raining in my head nearly all the time
Now It's raining in my head and I don't know why
In the original Investiture of the Gods, Nezha is born in the Chou Hour 丑时, the Hour of the Ox. Taiyi laments that this means Nezha is destined to "break 1700 prohibitions against killing 此⼦⽣于丑时，正犯了⼀千七百杀戒". So baby Nezha is doomed by his horoscope because of circumstances outside of his control.
The Demon Pill 魔丸 doesn't help either. It makes him angrier and gives him powers that make him "too dangerous" to be let out into "polite society".
Li Yunxiang is the reincarnation of Nezha and the Demon Pill 魔丸, so he has all of Nezha's issues compounded by poverty. Born at the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder, he doesn't have the safety and resources the Nezha had as the son of a wealthy military commander. Like Nezha, he is a victim of circumstances outside of his control.
All the love all the kindness all your best laid plans
Couldn't stop me from becoming the way that I am
You toiled on a bridge to cross the gap inside
But I couldn't help you build it and I don't know why
No I couldn't let you build it, but God knows you tried
Whatever hopes the Li Clan and the Heavenly Court have for him are dashed because he gets the Demon Pill 魔丸 instead of the Spirit Pearl 灵珠. All their hard work to avert Nezha's destruction ultimately fails, and instead inadvertently hurts Nezha.
Li Jing is trying, and he has his own issues. His attempt to save Nezha by directly going to Heaven to appeal to a higher power accomplished nothing, meaning that he wasted what precious little time he already had with his doomed son. He decides to sacrifice himself to ensure Nezha will grow up, meaning he spends the next 2-3 years training Nezha to be ready for when Li Jing is gone. The method he goes about involves a lot of scolding and not a lot of constructive criticism.
Nezha is isolated from his community, and despite his family's good intentions, they can't really help him with his depression. As a three-year-old kid, he can't really articulate his problems, and neither can his parents due to their stressful secrets and work life-balance, and that creates a fundamental misunderstanding that makes their situation worse. All this has a negative impact on his self-worth. to the point where he thinks his family is better off without him.
Does no one talk about how dark that is? Nezha is a three-year-old!!!
Li Yunxiang is a constant disappointment to Old Li. Old Li survived the war to get his children to Donghai, and works hard so they can have a better life. Old Li wants them to be safe and secure, and Yunxiang "wasted" his opportunity by becoming a delinquent. Compared to his brother, Yunxiang feels inadequate, which his dad always comments on.
I've saw this video: Bad Dads, Monster Sons: Del Toro's Frankenstein and Disney's Hunchback(s) which made me cry and helped me write this analysis, Dr Kathleen Kellett said:
"In 'Communicating Disappointment: The Viewpoint of Sons and Daughters,' Michelle Miller-Day and Josephine W. Lee differentiate between state disappointment and trait disappointment. State disappointment 'refers to present feelings of being let down based on failure of another to meet a current expectation,' while trait disappointment 'refers to ongoing or frequent feelings of being let down by others' (114). In other words, in trait disappointment, the quality of being disappointing is perceived as a persistent characteristic of the child."
Old Li's constant disappointment in Yunxiang's actions translates into a general disappointment in Yunxiang himself. This ingrains Yunxiang with a sense of self-loathing, as some small part of him worries that his dad is secretly right. Both are unhappy with the other, and neither is willing to properly communicate their grievances.
In both instances, the Father is trying to ensure the Son will be accepted by society, and that the Son will be safe and secure when the Father is gone. The Son sees the Father as his captor and grows to resent the latter, but also secretly worries that the Father's disappointment is valid.
Was I born with a hole in my heart?
A fatal fault at the start
Tell me it's inevitable that I end up with scars
Nezha learning the truth of his origins causes him great anguish. If he is the Demon Pill 魔丸, was he supposed to be destroyed? Is he inherently evil? Can he never be good? If so, do his parents actually love him, or are they placating him to save face? Can anyone love him?
Remember, Nezha is an isolated three years old. He doesn't have the best grasp on his emotions.
Li Yunxiang feels fundamentally wrong. Learning he is Nezha, and that Nezha had a body count of 1700 and that his powers can only destroy. The Samadhi Fire burns everything and everyone, even his best friend.
I'm not the person that I thought I was
I'm trying to come to terms with what you've done
In the fumes of your anguish
Oh, my blistering pride
I'm still burning like a tire fire deep down inside
Oh, I'm burning like a tire fire and I don't know why
Both Nezha and Li Yunxiang try to build a sense of self around being heroes, using their powers for good. Nezha tries to save a little girl from a Yaksha, while Yunxiang actively works against the De Clan, smuggling water and dismantling their infrastructure. When he awakens his Yuanshen, he tries to be an actual hero, forging a weapon and suit of armor.
Both of them are hit hard by a revelation:
Nezha is the Demon Pill 魔丸, the discarded trash half of the Spirit Pearl 灵珠. He was too dangerous to be kept alive, and is supposed to be destroyed.
Yunxiang learns that Nezha was a killer, and his "enemies" are victims. Cai Yun lost her family, her master and her older sister, and Nezha was never even made to apologize. He de-spined Ao Bing and served as Heaven's lapdog.
Was I born with a hole in my heart
A fatal fault at the start
Tell me it's inevitable that I end up with scars
From falling down, down
We were always meant to fall apart
Nezha accepts his doom and is ready to die. He believes his death can help his family more than his life.
Li Yunxiang accepts the uncomfortable semi-estrangement from Old Li, and moves out. He gets his own place and avoids his dad as much as possible.
Nothing could have been done
Is that right?
Nothing could have been done
Nothing could have been done
Is that right?
In both Nezha and Li Yunxiang's story, destiny overshadows them. Is Nezha destined to be a killer and monster? Is Nezha destined to be destroyed? Are Nezha and Ao Bing destined to be enemies in every lifetime? Can destiny be changed?
'Cause I was born with a hole in my heart
Yeah, we were fucked from the start
Tell me it's inevitable that I end up with scars
From falling down, down
We were always meant to fall apart
Were Nezha and Li Yunxiang doomed from the start? Do their actions matter?
Throughout all of this, both Nezha and Li Yunxiang are asking their fathers to "tell me", begging for their acknowledgment and approval. If they can't get positive attention, they can settle for negative attention. After learning the truth of their origins and how insignificant their choices are, they look for confirmations from the source of them: their fathers.
In the same video linked above, Dr Kathleen Kellett said:
"Because even the child who has been made to feel monstrous wants to love his parent... Parental rejection is a deep wound, a violent act. And it can have monstrous consequences."
I swear, I just wanted to write about Nezha and Li Yunxiang, but their dads play big parts of their stories that I needed to mention them.
