The Fox & The Rabbit

Teddy Lupin with metamorphosed bird wings for arms, standing in the astronomy tower: IM GONNA DO IT

Ravenclaw: Nope. I have to make lunch.

Slytherin: Semantics.

Ravenclaw: Based on that word choice I don’t think you know what semantics mean.

Slytherin: Nu uh. I totally know what semantics mean. You don’t.

Ravenclaw: *deadpan expression* Semantics refers to word choice and the connotation of words.

Slytherin: *embarrassed face* Of course.

Ravenclaw: Sure… What did you really think semantics met.

“There’s a hippogriff right there, Hagrid.”

“A different hipprogriff.”

“I’m… pretty sure that’s the same hipprogriff.”

You’ve got this world full of people who can destroy whole buildings or turn people into beetles or make vehicles fly just by waving a stick at them

And there is literally no common sense

Anywhere to be found

The Minister would NEVER EVER disbelieve in Gerald White. He’d buy it hook line and sinker. The wizarding world would buy it hook line and sinker. The GOBLINS wouldn’t but wizards have been shown to be pretty blindingly clueless. Still, Gringotts would grudgingly give Sirius access to the Black fortune.

But, but, but, you know the one person

the one person

who Gerald White would drive AB-SO-LUTELY FUCKING BATSHIT?

Severus Snape.

Snape would do everything, EVERYTHING, to get people to believe that it’s Sirius. But the Order would ignore it (they accepted Sirius as Sirius before anyway) and Remus would just be so… so affronted.

‘Severus, he is my cousin.’

And Sirius would love it. He’d love the fact that Snape just hated it. He’d be the BEST DAMN GERALD WHITE EVER b/c Snape is doing everything from dropping veritaserum into his firewhisky to capturing a dementor in a box and releasing it on Sirius when he least expects it

That one causes problems for a bare minute because SHIT A DEMENTOR ATTEMPTED TO GIVE GERALD THE KISS MAYBE SNAPE IS RIGHT except Harry comes forward and is like ‘excuse me, I’ve never committed a crime and dementors are ALWAYS attacking me, I think they’re attracted to glasses’

and the magical community is like ‘shit, yeah, you’re right’

and just

‘HE’S A BIG BLACK DOG! A DOG - THAT IS BLACK. SIRIUS BLACK. BLACK DOG DOG BLACK.’

And Remus calmly says: “That’s absurd, Severus. Sirius Black was never an animagus and besides which, people’s names don’t have any influence over their animagus forms or anything like that. That’s ridiculous.”

And Snape yells: “Shut it WEREWOLF MCWEREWOLF!”

Everyone looks at Remus, who blinks and sighs as Gerald White turns back into his human form.

One of his online friends: Where’s my pizza?

Everyone: *laughs*

My brother: *logs out of chat*

Me: You know. You could order them pizza.

My brother: What?

Me: You know his adress.

My brother: We live in Canada. They are in the States.

Me: So. You can order it online and pay with a credit card.

-20 minutes later-

Gryffindor: Violent outbursts.

Slytherin: General sluttiness.