One year ago today I posted this miniature Star Wars Andor inspired photo I created. Shot practically using real figures, lighting & a couple of broom heads to create a crop field and a few perspective cheats.
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No, but seriously, they need to stop marketing YA as adult fantasy because they think it's the same thing as Romantasy. And someone somewhere needs to actually edit Romantasy books properly and put some effort into making them good.
If you're marketing a book to adults and the characters are adult aged. Have. Them. Act. Like. Adults.
If you give your main character a job, let them at least be competent at their job. I don't care if it gets in the way of your plot. If your plot requires you to dumb down your characters so I doubt they could have survived to become adults, then your plot doesn't work. Go back to the drawing board.
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Here's some of the notes, starting with the things multiple people brought up:
SHRIMP COCKTAIL:
banahbanah: #flashback to that one fic where Peter Parker frets about drinking shrimp cocktail because of the alcohol
generaldeliciousness: adding: what a prawn/shrimp cocktail is
#why is your character turning it down because they're under 21 #do you think prawn cocktail is a cocktail #this lives in my brain rent-free constantly #the rest of the fic was so normal #and good enough that i'll still re-read it #but bro
And then many, MANY, people wondering if this was actually authour mistake, since Peter really would do this!
POMEGRANATES:
zhajhassa: #haha where's that post that was like someone describing someone eating a pomegranate but they ate it like an apple
thornhands: #once someone wrote persephone biting into a whole Pomegranate #had to stop and stare at a wall for a minute
sungsingsanguine: I once saw someone very confidently write about a character eating slices of pomegranate.
FRUIT TREES:
zagreuses-toast: #given a very endearing glimpse into a writers blindspots by seeing them describe someone sitting under a ''pineapple tree''
salatrash: I remember something about picking watermelons... OF A FUCKING TREE
baander: #cranberry trees
DOUGH/BATTER:
maycelium: #I'm a chef so I'm really used to people not accurately describing how to cook food #But I was surprisingly flabbergasted when someone was writing making a cake and was kneading it. Which uh #Not necessary for cake. It was interesting for sure but just bizarre
livebloggingmydescentintomadness: #the one that drove me nuts was when a character set aside a batch of PASTA DOUGH 'to rise' #pasta doesn't have yeast!! #it does need to REST but it will never RISE #you do not want an airy crumb on your noodles
lovesodeepandwideandwell: #THE ONE WHERE THEY MADE COOKIES BY LADLING BATTER INTO A TRAY
Some other topics:
ANIMALS:
catenarwhal: #mandatory 'how cows produce milk' mention#i'll never recover from that one I fear
piromantic: #one time i saw someone fake their way through describing how spiders behave
pluto-lichen: horses
misskittypotter: #stardew valley faking its way through what fresh fish smell like
pa-pa-plasma: #saw someone faking their way through knowing what a seal is once #i still am fucked up over that one to this day. they just straight up did not know #& they were NOT good at guessing it either like it was clear they had never googled that animal ever #& was only just now realizing via answering questions from anons that seals are not!! what they assumed. initially
SEX:
dykevandyke: #what a prostate is #and where it is located #as in. external.
dreamyeyedrose: #I remember back in the ff.net days reading an Ichigo/Renji fic where the writer assumed the penises go inside each other #and I was like “I mean I don't know how it works for sure I don't have one but idk if that's how it works”
SOME OTHER FOOD STUFF:
thetrekkiehasthephonebox: #add another one to the list bloggers#this character is cooking a salad
shosta: #still baffled about the published work that didn't know food could freeze
sun-dari: #once i read a fic where the author didn't understand cinnamon
alto-tenure: #read something recently where the author was just. blatantly wrong about spices
dramatic-dolphin: #i saw someone try to fake their way through what ramen is once. like 14 years ago.#but i remember.#i was very confused about ramen for a few months. they were writing it so authoritatively.
the-celery-stalks-at-midnight: #i will never ever forget someone putting leftover fries in the microwave to reheat them and setting the timer for five minutes
typeghost: #this sparked a memory of a hannibal fic where the author had to fake their way through writing about gravy
draculin: #the one fanfic where the author knows about coffee only as a concept wrote a character as a coffee drinker#was very interesting#I don't remember the fandom or the plot but I was mesmerized by the coffee actions and choices
11235811235811: #there's a lot of faking their way thru congee in the svsss fandom i'll also note
fishali3n: #read one where the person clearly didnt know what tofu is
emmy-everafter: #in the aftermath of shadow and bone s2 i saw a lot of people pretending to know what stroopwafels are #babes they are more like cookies than breakfast waffles #like yes there is a waffle pattern but you're not gonna cut into a stack of them with syrup and sugar#🤣🤣🤣
NON-FOOD STUFF:
red-umbrella-811: Shoutout to Dame Agatha Christie for faking her way through what a wrench is in a very popular published work.
bluebeetle: #once saw someone have a character put an entire phone book in their pocket
nonametis: #- sex talk in languages other than english #<- or just the petnames in a different language other than English
sadisticpony: #the fanfiction i saw this week where op DIDNT KNOW HOW AUTOMATIC DOORS WORKED #and that they arent in peoples homes!!! of course. also opening the automatic door for someone is unironically very funny but its not #its not like. grabbing the door handle to let someone in. helpppp
danmeichael: #reminds me of the fic with the figure drawing class where the character started with the feet. #i love you feet first figure drawing author
meowmix1100blr: #me watching this one fic absolutely obliterate what the board of directors does
vexedhexes: #one time i read an architect character making a doorway bigger by building a bigger door #what a beautiful world. #OH. also gravity falls fic where they go 'oh piedmont is in california so its warm all year round'
leveragehunters: #characters going to a beer garden #And it's literally a garden outside the pub#It was a very cute mistake
fitofpique: #yes! #grown men do not get blind drunk off two beers #but i am possibly guilty of the hypothermia one #assuming it does not make you very horny?
dadvans-likes: #always thinking abt the soup kitchen fic #the entire setting of the fic was 'soup kitchen' #and i very quickly realized #the author did not know what a soup kitchen was #and they thought that soup kitchens only served soup #fic
msmargaretmurry: #i love fanfiction #once read a fic where the characters played 20 questions #but the author seemed to not know how to play 20 questions and was just kind of winging it........ #immaculate
shakespeareaddict: #Look I know not all of us are hockey experts #But it takes about ten seconds of research or any attention paid to the show to realize #That the Stanley cup playoffs are not in fucking September
baejax-the-great: #the funniest one i saw #was someone faking what church is like #like 1. they really didn't have to write an entire church experience for their fic #and 2. they had clearly never even watched a show where people went to church #it was bonkers weird
twosunson: #things ive seen authors faking #knowing how to unclog a drain #knowing. literally any history #knowing what ketamine looks like (apparently- oregano) #(you know who you are)
waterhorseyblues-ao3: #beltane being celebrated in winter #wales being portrayed as a completely separated land from england (i wish) #characters getting up after weeks of bedrest like that dosnt completely fuck you up
violetfairydust: #i once read a fic where the flight time from london to seattle was 3 hours
purekesseltrash: One time, in a fic set specifically in Des Moines, IA, two of the characters casually drove 20 minutes to the ocean. The memory continues to delight me. I want to know where that author thought that Iowa was.
Only cried a little. And I'm glad they had that extra scene with the two in the barn to clear up that it's definitely her and she's not also in the barn. Otherwise that would be weird.
But imagine how that's going to go for Paige. Btw, actually that's my son. No, you've never met me before but I've met you multiple times. Everyone in town knows you and knows that we're together. Luckily, she's Audrey so she's the right type of crazy for that, I guess.
Okay, I have been thinking more about this, and... it is Audrey. They confirm that, like I said above. Audrey is the main personality and Audrey is the one who created Paige, so... it's Audrey. And I have to believe that because otherwise it is weird to have the whole 'Nathan doesn't want a copy' and then give him a new personality. He didn't really like Lexi after all, but then Lexi wasn't really Lexi, she was Audrey pretending to be Lexi using fuzzy memories, so maybe he would have liked the real Lexi? He liked Sarah, and saw what he loved about Audrey in her, at least that's how I always interpreted it. Unless we interpret it as him having sex with Sarah just because he can't have sex with Audrey and going for the next best thing, which is a possible interpretation. I always sort of felt that there was a thread of personality in Audrey's persona's though, that they were all alike at their core. But then Mara was terrible and didn't have that core, but Charlotte said that Audrey was that part of Mara... I don't know.
I went into the finale being iffy about all of it, because I knew what was going to happen in fact, but I didn't know the hows and the details. Then the scene with William Shatner and Vince made me sort of like 'Oh, it's still Audrey, she just has a different name and different hair' and then I thought more about the actual scene with Paige and she didn't really act like Audrey, but maybe she'll become more like Audrey?
I don't know... I thought the weirdness had been allayed, but it had not. I was just emotional enough not to think about it and now I am thinking about it. Idk. It's weird and I think in my head I just wrote in that eventually she remembers being Audrey - because it's not like they can hide from her that she was Audrey - and Audrey planned it that way. idk... it's weird. idk.
And is Duke just Death now? I feel like Duke became Death. Or maybe one of his troubles was an undeath trouble and when the troubles disappeared he died for real, but that seems mean. So maybe it was like Lizzie and if he believed enough he could be a real boy again? i don't fucking know. It's weird.
OK, so Laverne got out of the station. But that other guy. They destroyed the house, but it was in the process of reconstructing itself. Did he get out as well? Did he start killing people or was it just the Trouble that made him that way? But 30 years as a house with your family's bodies (that you killed) trapped inside you has to do a number on you and Haven's shrink was murdered by a serial killer. Is he okay? What about the guy out at sea with the people he was keeping sane? One day he just can't make them sane anymore and he's stuck out in the middle of the water with two catatonics and a wife who has a tendency to get really aggressive? And suddenly remembers Haven exists. Did anyone tell blind guy that he doesn't need to be trapped in his house anymore... actually, no, he's dead because the darkness trouble killed him even if he did survive everything else.
I like “pentapodactyl” tremendously!!! but hate “chiro” in this context, and I don’t know why. Obviously I have no authority to be the arbiter of this but I do feel strongly!!
There’s a gorgeous rhythm to:
Cephalopharyngeal pentapodactyl monstrosity of the alarm
@elodieunderglass I'm curious how you pronounce "Cephalopharyngeal" - my instinct is to pronounce the opening as a dactyl, like in "cephalopod", i.e. "SEF-uh-lo", but the scansion of that line feels better to me if it's an amphibrach, i.e. "suh-FAL-lo"
The Cephalobrachial Pentapodactylus! Palmate monstrosity of the alarm!
The sesquipedalian's best pernoctalian psuedo-mammalian hand without arm!
This maniform, bursiform, digital deep-dweller drifts through the darkest demersal domains,
A five-footed fingerling phantasm floating full fathoms afloor from the foam-freckled main!
It hunts with its quick hyponychial cnidocytes fully envenomed and ready to kill!
If nocuous toxicants don't cause cessation its rostriform mandibles certainly will!
By ripping and rending, it ruptures its rations with razorlike radulae housed in its jaw;
Its great glabrous grub-grippers gather the gobbets to go in its ventropharyngeal maw!
The Cephalobrachial Pentapodactylus seldom comes skyward while it's still alive,
But sometimes some singular specimen surfaces, stalking the shore like a deadly high-five,
So if you should witness, in perambulation, gressorial fingertips roaming the sands,
I beg you, consider this simple hortation: observe from a distance, and do not shake hands!
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Only cried a little. And I'm glad they had that extra scene with the two in the barn to clear up that it's definitely her and she's not also in the barn. Otherwise that would be weird.
But imagine how that's going to go for Paige. Btw, actually that's my son. No, you've never met me before but I've met you multiple times. Everyone in town knows you and knows that we're together. Luckily, she's Audrey so she's the right type of crazy for that, I guess.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
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