Do you guys think Yao and Ilyukhina knew? Do you think that when Stratt came up to them and told them Grace had accepted, Yao nodded proudly and Ilyukhina smiled warmly and they asked to see him? To celebrate the bravery of his decision and to comfort his nerves at the same time. So he wouldn't have to be alone during these tender few days while he came to terms with the reality of what he was sacrificing. Just because you choose to die willingly doesn't mean it's easy. And Stratt hastily said no, he was too nervous, he wasn't sure he could handle the take off, he wasn't confident enough in himself so he requested to be put under early and 3 days isn't that long compared to the 4 years they'll be under so why wait? And the two of them just stood there for a moment as they processed the idea of their friend being so terrified that he would rather lose his last moments on earth and the chance to say goodbye than face the next three days.
Do you think Stratt tried to look away, but Yao caught and held her gaze? Do you think the two of them had a stare down, Ilyukhina's eyes flitting back and forth between them as she tried to figure out what was going on, neither one of them willing to budge? Yao challenging her silently, his look saying plainly "do you think I'm that stupid? Do you think for a second I don't know who you are or what you're capable of? I told you I would lay down my life, but I wouldn't lay down my principles. Are you asking me not only to die, but to kill someone as well?" And as the seconds ticked by, Stratt's face perfectly neutral, refusing to budge, to give any hint of acknowledgement that there might be anything wrong at all with what they were doing, that the slow creeping realization dawned on him that not only is that exactly what she's asking of him, but that he's not going to refuse.
Because what could he do, realistically, against Eva Stratt? Someone as ruthless as her, who has the power of the whole world at her fingertips, who will sacrifice anything and anyone to save the Earth? And even if he could back out, what would that do? Would that save Grace? Would that just endanger the mission? He's the most qualified pilot they have, there isn't time to train anybody else. And affecting the mission's chances of success only means putting more risk on his loved ones, the ones he is being brave for to begin with. Do you think for a split second, he wonders if Grace or any of his own principles are worth a world without his family? Do you think he breaks eye contact first?
Do you think after Stratt turns and walks away, Yao is trying to reassure himself that no, he's wrong, Grace volunteered for this. He was just scared and neurotic, this is the best course, it's just to keep him safe. Do you think quietly in his own mind he's whispering that even if he's right, it's just the price to pay to save the world. That it's tragic but worth it in the end.
Do you think he notices Ilyukhina looking to him for reassurance, and he remembers that he's the commander, the captain, the one in charge, the one with the most wisdom and experience. He needs to be brave and strong, not just for Earth but for his crew. So between one breath and the next he schools his features into something warmer and more confident than he feels, and puts a hand on Ilyukhina's shoulder to assuage her anxiety. Do you think he reassures her that it's better this way and they'll have plenty of time to talk to him after they wake up? Do you think she nods and tries to believe his words, just as much as he's trying to?
Do you think 3 days later, as Yao and Ilyukhina are standing over Grace's limp body settling him into his medical bed, starting the process of hooking him up to all his tubes and machines, their eyes catch for a moment, their look sharing all the things they know but cannot say? Do you think for a brief instant they cannot help but feel the weight of devastation unfathomable to anyone outside their small room? Do you think privately they each resolve to make it up to him in the small inadequate ways they can? That they'll make sure to guide him every step of the way and have patience if he's scared and unsure and he'll never have to be alone because they'll be right alongside him, their own tragic, hopeful band of three, the only of its kind in the whole universe.
Do you think Yao and Ilyukhina fell asleep knowing, desperately wishing they didn't?
