⟢ drowsy rose ⋆˚࿔

• Every time he’d need to push the thought down and let it die out as the uncomfortable emptiness in his stomach would surface alongside it, placing a weight on his shoulders he hadn’t needed. How it made his skin crawl and him aware of himself in such a raw manner undid him so gruesomely for years the scars still stay fresh even now. Best to not force a wound open time and time again and naively believe it’ll heal back correctly.

• Yet he tries with you. He earnestly tries. Albeit more accommodated with being touched thanks to Floyd's touchy and pushy behavior you are an entirely different category of affection.

• There is a high probability he pushes you away at first. Not in disgust of you, no, he absolutely adores you without a single doubt in his mind. But this sort of mushy, childlike in its adoration affection isn’t something he’s used to. He hadn’t gotten to experience it during his youth and it reflects in his initial responses to it clearly.

• He isn’t used to being so unashamedly vulnerable like this. He’s walking on eggshells with his own emotions and finds himself stumbling with each nervous, meticulous step he takes. And that all-consuming fear he’ll unravel everything for himself despite his careful planning gnaws on him constantly.

• Although, if he notices your mood becoming soured due to this he becomes rather distressed. He’ll make it up to you he swears mentally. Even as heat crawls up the back of his neck and a cold, uncomfortable sweat begins to fester down his back. With trembling fingers he’ll hold onto your hands and lull you close to him. Of course, only in private.

• Public affection is a no-go in his rule book at first. Albeit he wishes to detach himself completely from the person he was once viewed to be, all that runs through his mind like a faulty record is that very manifestation of his childhood self whenever he’s in a scenario such as you holding hands or hugging him in the public eye. And that alone is enough to make the blue-eyed boy spiral. He doesn’t want you to be seen with somebody like that- you don’t deserve it. You deserve better and he doesn’t want you mocked for this.

• Reassurance can go a long way in this relationship and at times it may very well be a necessity in it. Healthy dosages can turn into heaping spoonfuls of attempting to wean the boy off of these self-destructive thoughts. Allow him to know you’re there for him.

• Returning to the previous statements within this once both of you are behind closed doors the walls he surrounds himself slowly begin to deteriorate purely for you. He allows you into his safe space while he’s in this state not only because he loves you but because you yourself have become a part of it. So deeply entwined with its existence it’s become hard for him to picture it with your absence.

• He rewards you generously, of course. He’d be a horrible boyfriend if he didn’t would he? Especially after rejecting your affection when he knew you only wanted to express your love so dearly. So, he lets you dote on him freely in this state and takes his time doting on you as well.

• As the relationship goes on he grows less tense in these moments. Unlike a middle schooler going on their first date he knows what to do with his hands, his body, or rather his entire being. The tips of his ears still turn rosy and his heart rate accelerates but he presses soft, fickle kisses to your skin as his arms wrap securely around you.

• As you return his advances he still is reduced to a mushy mess of emotions, pliable in your arms, yet he eagerly lets you continue. You treat him so sweetly, so preciously, how could he not give into this tantalizing attention? It’s an ultimate sign of vulnerability coming from him and you have wholly earned every ounce of it. Small, delicate in its announcement he whispers soft cooes into your ears. Perhaps fleeting pet names accompany it or rather just your name if that's what you prefer.

• Unfortunately the boy wouldn’t budge much on the public affection ordeal; his stubbornness very well rivaling that of a fussy mule when it comes down to it. Though… perhaps hand holding isn’t the worst thing ever, right? He’ll make do sometimes with the predicament and his gloved fingers would intertwine with your own. It’d keep you securely locked together and if for whatever reason you’re in a sea of people it helps tether you right to him so you don’t get washed away.

• Don’t draw too much attention to it or he might just go run off and hide just to spite you. Or maybe a small, lighthearted slap against the top of your hand would suit the situation better.

• He truly doesn’t mean to believe you’d behave like that from the very beginning; it's merely what he’s been conditioned to presume when something is not embodying complete perfection and you are unfortunately no exception to that. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he does not try to break out of that mindset, though. However it’ll definitely take him time before he thinks to transition his thoughts to view it in a new light.

• The first time he’d seen you fall asleep was in Trein's class. While he was occupied taking notes and listening intently to the lecture going on he happened to notice you from the corner of his eye. Your body was hunched forward and arms crossed over one another with your head nuzzled perfectly into the gap you’d made with them with your writing utensils abandoned alongside the notes you’d never even attempted to take. He’d even taken notice of how your breathing had evened out into a slowed rhythm signaling you weren’t just laying your head down for a second because of a potential headache or whatnot. No, you were absolutely passed out.

• In that moment he could’ve been viewed as the epitome of peacefulness to his previous victims if they’d found out there was no instant repercussions for this absolute criminal behavior. Not one word was uttered as he stared at you in utter disbelief; pale skin flaring up into a bright red as his blood pressure rose higher and higher. It took everything inside of him not to collar you right away and the slight tremor in his fingers was proof of this fact. Although you were spared for the time being that luck quickly ran out as soon as the bell rang. He collared you on the spot, giving you a healthy dose of public humiliation, all the while he scolded you for your behavior.

• And as time passed on this seemed to spiral into an never ending cycle of you dozing off just before getting berated by the hot-headed housewarden. It seemed like the boy's voice was going to be permanently stuck inside of your head, ringing inside of your ears to the point you swore you could hear him even in your sleep. As if he’d somehow managed to manifest himself into your mind and his one goal was to continue to chew you out to make up for previously missed time while you were clonked out. It got to a point where you believed you’d never make it out of this whole maddening ordeal until you graduated and had the ability to flee to the other side of the world just to hide from him. Like you were just a measly fly destined to be caught in the spider's web.

• Yet one day while you were once again going over something in professor Trein's class your tiredness did not warrant the housewarden to believe you were just brazenly ignoring the rules as he’d done before. This time the situation was different.

• He remembered distinctly right as the unit was being introduced you seemed awfully excited for it, something in it peaking your interest, and telling Ace you were looking forward to covering it in class. But here you were fighting with your life in order to try and fight away the sleep that wanted so desperately to claim you. Eyes slowly opening and closing for extended periods of time as you did everything to try and stimulate yourself. Kicking your legs out, fidgeting with your pen, and doodling on the edges of your paper. All not giving you the result you wanted and you promptly fell asleep.

• That’s when his worry truly kicked into high gear. It’s not as if it wasn’t there before, but his other instilled emotions had triumphed over that before it could fully surface. Once you stirred awake that immediate feeling of dread washed over you. Classical conditioning be damned, you truly expected your daily reprimanding, as awful as that seemed to think, and accepted your fate as you noticed Riddle was still right beside you. There was no anger to spark in his words when he spoke to you strangely enough. Nor a single comment about a collar or worse- being collared without warning.

• He asked you if you were alright. You’d blinked as you stared at him in absolute disbelief. Utterly dumbfounded you sputtered out your response and waited to see if there would be a sudden flip in his demeanor. There was not. And as you slowly entered the waters, fearful that you’d been lured into safety, you didn’t take notice of how you relaxed as you walked deeper in. What you did take account of was the relief that washed over you to the point you felt like you were nearly drowning in it. And that's when you finally were able to explain why exactly you seemed to be stuck in a state of permanent drowsiness.

• Whether it’d been from stress from balancing classes on top of other things, mental health issues, underlying medical conditions, or something else entirely he listened intently and committed the fact to memory. Embarrassment had overcome him once he realized how.. uncouth he’d been acting all this time. Yes, we’ll go with uncouth. Not any profanities like bitchy, cuntish, or a dick. Goodness no that would be obscene.

• Unfortunate that had described him perfectly, wasn't it? Nonetheless Riddle pushed past the shame that now dwelled inside his stomach in thick knots and decided then and there he would begin to repay you for all the trouble he’d caused.

• It started out simple enough; letting you off the hook whenever you’d doze off or simply turning the other way and pretending he hadn’t a clue what was happening. And as the days began to slip past you, you noticed he’d begun to incorporate himself more into your daily life. Not in a bad way, but in a ‘I want to be there for you’ way. He’d ask you if you were alright when you stared off at the nearest wall for too long; if you needed anything to energize you to keep you going through the rest day.

• He’d give you tips on how to steady your sleep schedule if it was in disarray, with various different options laid out in front of you in case one of them wouldn’t work. What sorts of foods will benefit your health and therefore hopefully help you sleep better when you need to be asleep. How much rest your body needs. When you more than likely need to get off any electronics so your body can start winding down. The general basics of it all and then some more, really.

• But if none of that did much to help you he’d try to work around your sleepiness- prioritize what you needed to do when you were awake. Of course he’d be there to lend a helping hand through it all. It would be cruel to leave you with the heaps of work you’d missed so you’d get further and further behind in your classes. That's why whenever the bell was close to ringing he’d gently coax you awake via tapping you or nudging you before sliding over his notebook to you. There drawn out for you were his notes, everything neat and easy to digest, ensuring that you would at least have a general gist of the lesson. A promise would flow from his mouth: if you ever needed extra help understanding the material to tell him and he would be there.

• Of course you accepted that offer. You’d be a fool not to. Especially when you borderline depended on the extra help. So whenever the both of you were available he’d meet up with you in the library and thus your very own private studying sessions began. No matter how bad you were struggling he took his time picking apart whatever you needed guidance on; simplifying it to the best of his abilities for you to remember better. Sometimes you’d both get off topic, and perhaps that solidified your relationship with one another. Morphing it into something you didn’t think you’d be able to turn it into before.

• Another thing that went on was the gifts. They were never extravagant things, afterall, they didn’t truly need to be. But you’d noticed whenever you made it through the whole day without dozing off a little treat of sorts would magically appear the next. Whether it was one of the snacks you usually got during lunch time, something relating to one of your hobbies, or anything else falling in a similar category. The tall tale sign that really proved to you it was Riddles doing was that one day you ended up with a small plush hedgehog accompanied by an origami rose. The care put into the flower was enough to make you happy and now you had a cute hedgehog to add to that joy. Its beady little eyes stared at yours as you picked the toy up, its entire body small enough to fit in the palm of your hand.

• You made sure to tell Riddle thank you for the gifts to which he responded kindly with a rosy color blooming on his cheeks. For his sake you chose not to comment on the blush on his skin even though you could barely hold back a playful teasing remark at the sight of it.