Inviting You To Read My Journal, Basically

I love this font. It feels like I used a time machine just to use WordPad again.

I love a good illusion. Life through rose colored glasses is my default. Illusion suits whatever you want it to suit. That’s the “magic” of it. It’s your deepest wishes suspended in hope, wrapped in the promises of maybes. You can always have hope in something & have something to chase if that something never exists. That’s what makes it a good illusion.

You ever get jealous that you can’t be in all places at once- that you have to pick a geography for your moments & stick with it until you move to the next? You ever get a little perturbed thinking of all the places you want to experience that you won’t have the time or the planning for? You ever feel a pang of missing places you feel you’ll never get the chance to see? You ever miss the place you’re already in because you’re scared of leaving it? You ever get a little sad thinking of all the natural beauty of the landscapes and the inner beauty of the people of the places you’ll never go?

Coming back to yourself sometimes feels like getting to know a whole new person because society really inhibits the spirit in insidious & pervasive ways. The spirit is always there, even when it’s not being used or when it’s inhibited. It builds up like a fire. Society’s messages douse that fire with watered down messages to “stay in your lane”, “don’t want too much”. Spirit calls out, “veer the path”, “want more from life, question”. I’ve been dousing my internal fires for so long, I forgot why the fire was there. I forgot that I came from the fire. I’m so much more than what I thought I was. I’ve been quelling my personality, quelling my very existence when what I need to do is ignite my flames.

I don’t want a lie sold to me about relationships in a perfect package. I don’t want false beliefs. I don’t want to delude myself for comfort. I want to wake up knowing everyday that I’m ready for the good & the bad, the mundane & the challenging. I want uncomfortability & change to be my comfort. I want a real relationship.

fuck fear⚫️fuck doubt⚫️fuck the bullshit⚫️fuck deterrents⚫️fuck lies⚫️fuck the fakery⚫️fuck this⚫️fuck that⚫️it’ll all work out in the end

I want to see things like new again. I’m not going to fear unbridled excitement anymore. I want beginner’s eyes and the experts’ playbooks. I want instinct, strategy, & direction to back up my blind optimism. I want it all.

I thought life was speeding by until I realized it was me in slow motion

Maybe if we returned to the source, we’d know why we’re here.