The Cardboard Box

For personal context, before I went to the '98 Burning Man festival, one of the things I'd read from a couple different journalists was that "everybody" runs around naked. Which, fine by me, I'd already spent a lot of time in clothing-optional spaces, I'm not fanatic about it but it's nice.

So I got there early and set up a public shade structure on one of Black Rock City's main roads and spent most of each afternoon just watching the crowds go by. I don't remember seeing more than one actually naked person the whole week. I think a topless woman passed by my intersection maybe every half an hour, sometimes once an hour. So why in the hell were people, normally pretty smart and observant writers, coming away with the impression that everybody was naked?

Then I remembered an unrelated passage from Joel Garreau's great book about the history of the outer-ring suburbs, Edge City. Mall developers told him flat-out that they tried to keep the crowds in their malls less than 5% black. Not because they themselves were racist, but because they had determined, experimentally, that if more than 5% of the people in the mall are black, the median white shopper will wrongly describe the mall as at least half black, as mostly black. And not a few of them would describe it, at 6% black, as a mall where "only black people go." Why?

Because, emotionally, they were still upset over the last one when the next one came into view.

Militant anti war protestor

Ecoterrorist

Barista

Secret lover of a diplomat

Dnd player that lives in someone's attic

Unpaid fresco painter for rich people

Guy who ties people to train tracks

Guy who gets tied to train tracks

Guy who stands conveniently close to the train track switch that has people tied to both tracks

Girl

Pretentious Quebecoi with an accent

The gig economy

An exact clone of Fidel Castro

Head of a film club that exclusively watches gay porno flicks from the late 70s

Union organizer for lesbian polycules

Bisexual woman mafia hitman

Pet rock haver

Travel blogger

Postal worker

Derelict 1960s era housing project

Wine mom

The family dog

Cobbler

Charcuterie board maker

Guy who buys expensive Dutch cheeses from a deli every 3rd Wednesday

Guy who stabs tourists in London

Recreational cigarette smoker

Folk Singer

High School bully

High School Art Teacher

Horrifying Chimera

Cashier at an over priced oraganic local grocier

Russian bot

The old grandma who got lost in the Menswear department of a large department store

The Toxic relationship metaphor cannibal

Bagel shop owner

Guy who bites into ice cream

Hiker

Bus driver

Cabbie

Bob Dylan

The 5th Beatle

Cop (ew)

Indie game dev

Pursuing a postgrad degree

Person who puts the cone of shame on the dogs they pass at the park

Joan Baez

Fujoshi

Furry

Little German Boy

anyway i wanted a memento of my first pride, you know, and this one vendor was selling keyrings, and i liked it, so i bought one. do you remember those italian charm bracelets that were all the rage like 10-15 years ago? it was a keychain like that, and it had a rainbow rooster, a rainbow cat, and then just a rainbow, and so I bought it.

i run into my mom a couple of vendors over and she goes oh you bought something? what’d you get? so i showed her, and i was like, “I’m not sure why it’s a rooster and a cat. Seems kind of random. But I liked the rainbows.”

and my mom, who was some form of minister’s wife for most of my childhood and teenagerhood, stares at me like she thinks i’m joking.

“What?” i say.

…relic…