Professional Sadsack

when you see your little kitty walking toward you at a leisurely pace and say "hi baby!" bc you're excited to see her and she starts trotting a little bit faster 'cause she's excited to see you too. that's what life is all about i think

shitting on "puriteens" is still the most baffling thing to me ever because you're literally saying you're attacking children for not being sexually open enough. like its in the name. it's literally in the name. you're insane.

has anyone considered that it was probably her house too. where else was she supposed to put her chintz?

craving the intimacy of violence all by yourself queen?

"you cannot have a category of person that stops being a person or everyone that someone wants to get rid of is going to end up being put in that category" and other really fucking obvious and basic observations that everyone ignores in favor of putting people they want to get rid of into a category they think makes them stop being a person

It's such a disappointment that tearing someone's throat out with your teeth kills them. Sex would be so much more fun if we could maul each other and come back from it.

cats will be like please i need you to watch me wiggle around on this carpet please hey look look please look at me i’m wiggling

‘how would other people describe you’ why would i know this

Grab somebody sexy tell them Help

Another reason why trains would be good is that most people are not good at driving

yes im addicted to attention and orgasms and food and shiny jewlery and 7$ Iced Lattes. does that really not sound like an awesome lifestyle to you

it’s gonna be so anticlimactic when somebody finally succeeds

fellatio sounds like a supporting shakespeare character rather than oral sex on a penis to be honest