A Humble Dumpster Fire

just a few shining examples of how About his lil button nose i am

Justice Society of America: Superhero Retirement Home Serves As A School House For Youngsters

Justice League: Pillars of Society Form Superhero Team Too Big To Fail

Teen Titans: Local Teens Demand Respect, A Place To Angst, and Food

Outsiders: Batman Dragoons Nobodies To Fight Crime Due To Spite

Green Lantern Corps: Space Cops Stop Themselves From Becoming A Space Dictatorship

Secret Six: Shit People, Shit Work Effort, Shit Results, But Still A Good Family

Shadowpact: Magical Bar Flies

Justice League Dark: Kinky People Meet Up Each Friday To Fight Demons

Justice League International: Idiots Team Up To Solve International Incidents

Legion of Superheroes: Local Teens Demand Respect, A Place To Angst, and Food, IN THE FUTURE

Gotham Knights (Detective Comics Team): Leather Wearing Furries Obesse About A Hellhole

Justice League of America (Rebirth Team): Batman Dragoons A Bunch of Misfits For Reality TV Drama and To Combat International Affairs 

Suicide Squad: A Bunch Of Villains Are Held Hostage By A Psychopath That Makes Them Look Good In Comparison

Doom Patrol: Weirdos Gather To Ponder The Meaning Of The Universe

Young Justice: Pre-Teens Trade The Treehouse In Their Backward For A Cave

Earth 2 Justice Society: Hot Young People Fight Crime In The World Created By Both A Godlike Planet and A Magical Box

Infinity Inc: Local Teens Demand Respect, A Place To Angst, and Food, In A Parallel Universe

Super Sons: Two Kids Resist The Urge To Murder Each Other

So it’s officially canon that in times of duress™️ Bruce will in fact pick up tiny robins

They were usually run by someone who was about the right age to be some adult’s parents or grandparents, and in the case of the two Korean restaurants matching this description, they didn’t speak English. Universally though, they were very pleased to see customers, very proud of their cooking, and very very interested in keeping us far away from the aforementioned serious men in nice clothes. And despite having huge dining rooms and never having more than a couple customers, they never went out of business.

Also, because I am very, very stupid and sometimes don’t think before I talk, I once said loudly, over the phone, while sitting in one of these places, “Hey! Yeah if you want to meet us, we’re eating at [place]. You know…[place]? You totally know it. The Front, on Warwick st!”

They started stocking my favorites because I mentioned them within hearing range once, would tell their “vendors” to move out of the way if we stopped in. I walked a different route home and got harassed one night and they asked after me. When they found out what happened, they declared “Consider it taken care of, you should never be afraid around here.” Never happened again.

One of the older men at the party took me to my neighborhood and dropped me off out front (the car was literally too big to fit down the small neighborhood streets) and said that I had his blessing.

Which was confusing, but I was drunk, so whatever. Then I went back to the restaurant about a week later and the mother said, “the family approves of you. You may marry our son if you wish and be welcomed.”

I did not marry him, but wow. There were no hard feelings, either. They still helped out if I got harassed by the cops (which happened a lot in these smaller towns with no foreigners) or anything like that.

@violetscythe and anon.

i’m undestanding this thing a little better

hi anon i don’t know if you know this but you’re a perfect human being and you’ve added 16 years to my lifespan

Superheroes in general tend to be pretty good with kids, right? But still, within the Justice League, there are definitive tiers of who’s best with kids. 

Wonder Woman is the Best. Kids of all ages adore her, teenagers stop angsting, babies stop crying, you name it. Nobody expected anything else. But surprisingly — or maybe not surprisingly — Batman is also the Best. He just knows how to talk to kids, how to interact with them, so that they feel absolutely respected as people, instead of being talked down to as children. Kids always gravitate to him. Those aren’t even his babies hiding under his cape (this time), but you bet your ass he’s gonna act like they are. 

Black Canary is the second best. Superman generally is too (unless the kid in question is a relative of his that appeared out of the blue, in which case he gets bumped down to like, twentieth).

Most of the younger Leaguers are good with little kids, since so many have younger relatives and/or little kids of their own. Starfire and Cyborg are aces with teenagers, for obvious reasons. Blue Beetle and Booster Gold delight the hell out of toddlers. Flash’s positive attitude endears him to everyone. And you wouldn’t expect it, but Big Barda’s notorious temper evaporates when small children want to play tag or hang off her massive shoulders.

Older Leaguers with kids of their own or sidekicks are generally pretty good, at least. Older Leaguers with no kids or sidekicks nearly always shunt kid-duty off to Canary or one of the Trinity. But nearly everyone can be eventually coaxed into holding a cute baby or telling a ten-year-old how excellent their Magic Marker artwork is.