I'm A Loser Baby, So Why Don't You Kill Me?

it fucken WIMDY

ever since i first saw this post, “it fucken WIMDY” is easily one of the top ten most commonly used phrases in my household.

My job is done.

“60% of the time it works every time” is in my rotation as well

my corner store guy is a 50 year old man who's my best friend in the world and recently he was like "you're too pretty to be single I have some nephews you should meet. very handsome!" and I was like "a niece might be more up my alley" and he just got more excited and said "ah even better! I was overselling my nephews but my nieces are very beautiful"

tag yourselves i'm the GREAT ROOM beside the GOURMET KITCHEN

im joining the war on gross disgusting pornographic content on the side of gross disgusting pornographic content

Reminds me of Jason Kander, former Missouri Secretary of State. When he went to the VA hospital to treat his PTSD, he told the nurse that Obama told him he should run for president, and she thought he was delusional.

Correction: It was worse. She asked him how long he's been hearing voices.

I think I'm gonna make this my go-to story. It's not the worst I've ever heard, which is an asset because people won't believe you if you tell them the actual bad stuff those people do. And it just perfectly sums up the casual arrogance everyone working in mental health seems to have. The way they treat you as inherently Lesser for being in their care.

If they can't even handle basic, easily verified shit like "I'm a lawyer" they are never going to believe you when you tell them that you know how to manage a condition you've been dealing with for decades better than they can or will.

they should. give me one thousand dollars every month so i can commission artists who are very clearly unwell

Before i can do this small task i have to drink a coffee then play on my phone for an hour then jerk off then drink a soda then play on my phone then eat a snack then play on my phone then take a nap then play on my phone then go to bed

we need to bring back the word square like i don't think it's problematic that you listen to taylor swift i just kinda think it's lame as hell

hiiii *trying not to sound desperate for human connection*

long distance internet friendships are so frustrating like i want to go hang out at your place. i want to bring that snack u like if ur sad. i want to go to the cinema and watch a movie together. i wish we could randomly decide to drive down to the beach one friday night and look at the stars. we drifted apart and idk if you're alive. nobody would think to tell you if i died. i hope you're okay