fairly realistic 2026 omgcp core 5 headcanons:
bitty made the jump from youtube to tiktok influencer and posts booktok thirst traps of his own husband in between pie tutorials. self diagnosed adhd that he does not treat but does mention a Lot. banned from instagram bc he got into too many fights w randos in the comments.
jack is planning on retirement any day now. he’s chill he has his books he’s gonna enroll for a history masters program after he retires and maybe get a few gigs as a color commentator. played golf with shaq once. in process of adopting a kid w bitty after failed attempt a few years ago
shitty is a lawyer for the ACLU and also does work for his state chapter of planned parenthood. they’re trying to get him to join the board but he’s resisting for time reasons. there’s a picture of him kneeling wearing a kente scarf during 2020 floating around on social media that the smh group chat spams whenever they remember it.
lardo is chilling as an artist shes pretty well known in the boston scene. she and shitty have a second apartment in nyc. professor of practice for a course at BU. shaved her head during the pandemic but it’s grown back. at least one full sleeve of tattoos. tied her tubes after having one kid, who goes to a hippie quaker private school.
holster is making gobs of money doing data analysis for the same consultant firm he worked in out of college. uses AI constantly for his work since it’s necessary and gets into fights w shitty and lardo about it sometimes. 100% on his male pattern baldness journey but will deny it to anyone who points it out. secretly is considering plugs
ransom made it to med school eventually and just finished his residency for a specialty in dermatology. makes videos on tiktok promoting his practice that go viral bc he’s hot. great work life balance and he and holster are lowkey DINK kings who have a regular rental place in the caribbean every summer.
bonus kent came out after career ending injury a few years back. full time on ESPN, jersey number retired. he and jack have playful banter when he’s on the show that goes viral, so the network is chasing them to do a full show together but it probably won’t happen. engaged to a random man not fully out to the public but it’s an open secret.
