liv

2025. 10. 20 | omg.

My big boss asked if I wanted to have an informal "coffee chat", just to see how things were going, but it ended up being a 1.5 hour discussion on my science. Twas intimidating, but good.

I am going through my notes of that meeting to see if I can scrounge up some sense of all it and it's haaaard.

“i’ll tell you how i’ve learned to deal with this sort of thing. i didn’t develop a sense of joy in my academic study until i realized that what really matters is the work itself. it’s not about trying to impress anybody or trying to earn a specific grade. it’s all about loving the work, the reading, the writing, the critical conversation. and i think you do love those things, and you do enjoy your academic work when you can get out of your own way about it. now, where i’m at in my career, i have to think about what gets me up in the morning, and that’s not publishing 20 articles a year or seeking external approval. what it is, is writing, reading, and teaching about what I love, my own little academic world that i’ve created.” – prof c

 “i wrote shitty papers in college, and i still got a phd. you’re not supposed to know everything yet! you’re still learning! you know what, write that on a post-it and stick it on your laptop. you don’t have to know it all yet. you don’t have to be perfect.” – prof s

“while i can assure you that you should not feel like an imposter, i can also confess that the syndrome is common at all levels of academia – so you should not think yourself abnormal to be experiencing it.” (x)

“i hate to say/write this, but it’s sort of true: that you having these impostor-syndrome reactions, these worries about disappointing those you respect … to me, that sort of signals that you do have traits common to many successful academics! even people who have masses of success behind them – and, come to think of it, particularly the people who have a lot of cred *and* outside affirmation of it – suffer from impostor syndrome *if* (and the if is important) they genuinely care about the quality of their work. so: if it’s possible to think of these feelings as symptomatic of a characteristic many good academics share, then please do.                                                                                          (…) the important thing is this: how counterproductive it can be for self-sabotaging people to think of themselves as being ‘born’ to do something. it makes any possibility of missing the mark immediately existential. academic work is something one chooses because one has a strong interest in a certain field of study, an ability to study and produce credible work (as judged by ‘authorities’ in said field), and a social possibility to choose to proceed in that direction. sometimes, i, at least, find it helpful to remind myself of the simple facts of this.                       (…) i do think it’s important to put the activating gesture of entering grad school very firmly in your own hands. you are choosing this. you are choosing it because you want it, others have said that you are capable, and you have the practical possibility of choosing it. this is enough. the work will be enough without the existential heft, and the existential heft will not make the work better.” – s

August 15th, 2025:

Hello, everyone! Long time no see, right? The real reason I was studying has actually changed since the last time I was here, so now I’m in a different phase with new goals. Here’s a little glimpse of my refreshed study and work space, and I plan to make it even cozier. I hope you’re all doing well and that your studies are progressing. ☕️

This is geared towards research students mainly… but feel free to try out if u want regardless!

Make a gantt chart beginning of ur research semester. This is absolutely lifesaver… for sure there will be like a 1000 versions of ur thesis but having a rough timeline gives u the push and when u r down in the dumps u can actually visualise ur progress so far… which motivates me.

There will be like a lot of versions and corrections and drafts of everything u do. Starting with lit review . I’d highly suggest using one note and keeping track of every piece of article u r studying… u can arrange them according to themes when u r still looking for a topic… this way after 3 months of reading lit u wont feel like u r losing ur mind … because on paper u have nothing to show…

On a similar note , I’d suggest use mendeley to organise papers. U can annotate them there and login from multiple places like lab computer or ur pc etc. this way u know which ones u have marked and read and where to find what.

Don’t use ai for lit review … it’s a massive waste of time and gets u confused. Instead just start reading and u will get there … u don’t have to read every paper but skim through abstract and findings and u will know what to do next

Don’t delete any work ever… like from the first draft of ur lit review to the last draft of ur thesis … keep them all neatly in a folder… make sure to copy it in multiple places so u won’t lose it in case of emergency

Print out key papers u r using to build ur research around … like maybe 10 or 15 of them … this will give u a boost cuz for once u don’t have to sit in front of a screen…

Actually have a conversation with ur sv… talk to him like u r a newborn because we all r… in research world. Also make sure u communicate ur timeline with him very clearly… like when u want to complete what … because they r busy people and u don’t want to be stuck and frustrated waiting for their feedback… so at least make some key milestones clear to him and keep it in written document so u can refer back if he forgets.

Now when it comes to ur actual research and experiment or simulation, always start early… these things take forever and u will eventually have unexpected problems… so always start early … play around and see what happens …

Have some hobbies outside of ur research… it gets more difficult as time goes on… but plz escape once in a while to refresh ur brain

Academia doesn’t pay nearly enough to survive but I don’t care if u have to ask for help never compromise on nutrition…

I’ve seen so many people living in lab and surviving on ramen … ur body will eventually fail u… so don’t be frugal about nutrition… brain doesn’t work if it’s not healthy… and empty stomach puts u in a funk

When the inevitable doom hits about where this is all going or if ur research is worth the time and effort … talk to ur peers … always or ur sv even… they r there on the same boat and they will help…

Also don’t work 24/7 in ur lab… move around… it’s a massive boost for motivation…

work at most 7 -8 hrs a day … then take rest … because after that I feel like I don’t function well and it’s just dragging my brain …

Treat urself after a milestone like publishing a paper or completing a chapter… u totally deserve it .. and it is positive reinforcement!