dumb luck

“That’s the fourth time this week you’ve brought up cannibalizing me. Should I be worried?”

“So needless to say, she peed on me.”

“Wow, this Heineken has such a smooth finish!”

“Do you think I can fit an entire orange in my mouth?”

“If I hear someone sing Hamilton in the shower again I’m joining them in their shower so I can drown them.”

“Someone just gave me a free cake. Should I be worried?”

“How did they manage to get that in BOTH shower stalls!?”

“How much caffeine is poisonous? Asking for myself, I’m actually worried.”

faintly, as though yelled from in a room down the hall “Can you come hand me my Swiss rolls? My head spins if I sit up.”

“Well you see, Marxism is actually” *anguished yelling from multiple people*

“Why is Ross sitting in a box in the hallway with a sweatervest draped over his head?” “Stress.”

“What’s the difference between an undergraduate research assistant and a random nosy 19 year old? Less than you’d think!”

“Let Bob Ross caress your happy little struggles away.”

“He talks like he thinks the world is waiting with bated breath to hear what he thinks about Fight Club.”

bruce banner, sighing: yes, I’m the hu—

ned: idk is it Mr. Stark–

peter: DR. BRUCE BANNER

ned: HOLY SHIT

peter: Hold on I don’t know if he’d be comfortable with that, let me check. Dr. Banner sir, my friend wants to know if he can come meet you. Is that okay with you?

bruce: 

bruce, voice cracking: S-sure.

PIKACHU SITS IN A CAR SEAT!

Bonus:

This is my other Ibizan. In this photo, she was in absolute top condition and had recently won the National Specialty coursing trial. No way she could have won it if she hadn’t been in excellent condition. ;)

But then I got my grubby little paws on it, and I immediately stopped fertilizing, spraying, and bagging up grass clippings and leaves. I ripped up sod and put in flowers and vegetables. I put down nice thick blankets of mulch around the flowers and vegetables. 

When I first was sweating my way through stripping sod, I saw a grand total of 1 worm and 0 ladybugs. The ground was compacted into something that would bend shovel blades. 

Now, six years later, I can’t dig a planting hole without turning up fourteen earthworms, and there are so many ladybugs here. Not the invasive asian lady beetles; native ladybugs. They winter over in the mulch and in the brush pile. I see thousands of them. 

The soil is soft and rich. There are birds that come to eat, and bees of many sorts.