🦋

God gives his wettest battles to his most absorbent soldiers

Wow, there really is everything on that bagel

bought a shrimp cocktail and neither beast knows what to do with them

he is just taking it around the apartment wherever he goes, emotional support shrimp

celebrities that don’t follow the met gala theme automatically go to the top of my guillotine list. like you have one job. you are literally glorified court jesters. you only exist to entertain us. and you can’t even do that; instead you wear some boring ass black tux to the one event i actually want you to flaunt your wealth. what are you doing

The most expensive CGI in the world will never impress me as much as Muppets riding bicycles

got a headache (pronounced like versace)

If you write me a letter or note I will literally keep it for the rest of my life.

due to sleep inflation 1 hour of sleep is now worth 37 minutes