For people saying âitâs tragic, Dex and Em only got 3 years togetherâ no. They got 15 years together.
Glossing over the span of their life together to sum it up as âonly 3 years togetherâ misses all the love and time they had together that wasnât solely romantic.
Why is their relationship only âimportantâ or âcountsâ when itâs a romantic one? Maybe there was always romantic love buried in there or growing steadily but there was a whole lot of platonic love there too.
For 15 years they were the most important person in the world to one another, they described each other as their âbest friendâ and the person they reached out to at every high and low moment. And for the last 3 of those years they were also a couple.
There are loads of examples of Dex reaching out to Em when heâs at his lowest: the last birthday with his mum, then heâs reeling from his divorce, when heâs scared people will hate him on TV. And you *could* read that as pathetic and Em being his emotional crutch, with Dex latching into her. But you could *also* see that as when youâre struggling and low, you just want your best friend. Because they *get* you. And part of being a best friend is being there in those low moments.
And Em has done the same with Dex, just in different ways. That first year out of uni Em had no idea what she was doing; in a job she couldnât wait to leave, a relationship that didnât make her happy, not sure where she was going in life or what she was doing. Em writes to Dex often, and doesnât need him to reply to her, just to read her letters and be *her* emotional crutch and person to vent to.
Even at that breakup-dinner, Em has things she âneeds to talk aboutâ and sheâs reached out to Dex to do it. We donât see her discussing it with Tilly, we see her trying to talk about it with Dex. Sheâs at arguably her lowest moment (hates her job, hates her partner, hates her home) and she wants her best friend to listen to her. Just like he did when she was 24 and thinking about giving up and leaving London, and Dex convinced her to stay and keep going.
So they are emotional crutches *to one another*. Thatâs also part of being someoneâs best friend.
And for all the low moments Dex also wanted to share his best moments with her too: when heâs excited about the TV pilot he calls Em to say âthe only person I want to share this with is youâ, and begs Em to find a way to be there. Yes this is also him dismissing and ignoring her achievements, yes this is self absorbed and rude and at the height of his egomania, but in that moment of triumph he only wants his best friend there with him.
When they see one another again at Tillyâs wedding Em is brave and self assured when she reveals sheâs âthought of you every day, missed you every dayâ, and that even though they are friends again now the fact that Dex will have a wife and child âfeels a bit like loosing you all over again. Because people with families have different prioritiesâŚâ Thatâs how close they were before.
The sentiment that âwe grew up togetherâ is really true, for the both of them. They were very different people throughout their lives, and if they had tried to be a romantic couple earlier there is no guarantee that version of them would have lasted the course.
Would Emma have stayed with a peak-of-his-tv-fame Dex, partying and living life âto the fullâ? Or would they have explosively ended and decided they were too different for one another for it to ever work?
Would Dex have even tried for a career in TV or a full year of travelling if heâd become a couple with Emma after Uni? Or would he have done something else but grown resentful of what-could-have-been?
If they had sorted out their issues and apologised after their fight and Em had left Ian, would Em have found the strength to turn rock bottom into a spring board and finally write her book? Would she have even hit that bottom at all? Or would the hook have remained a pipe dream while she continued as a teacher, happy with Dex but professionally unfulfilled?
We will never know what could have been, and that doesnât necessarily make those alternatives the âbetterâ option that they âmissed out onâ.
Maybe they would only ever have had 3 years together as a couple and getting it in their mid 30âs the way they did was their most mature and peaceful version.
So yes at times their relationship feels like itâs moving toward the inevitable conclusion of a romantic partnership. But the time before they get there wasnât wasted or unimportant or unnecessary. And they were always together.