highkey hates beans

i’ll be real, kitten, daddy needs multiple wealthy and powerful folks to die in a painful, drawn-out, and generationally humiliating manner

(To the tune of Rasputin): BLEH BLEH DRACULA, KING OF TRANSYLVANIA, HE IS A BAT AND ALSO A MAN

I wish wizards were real so bad imagine coming out of a wal mart and seeing some guy with long robes and a big hat in the parking lot surrounded by wacky particle effects screaming some shit like "By the moon and the starlight, by the shield and the sword, I summon to me, my Honda Accord!" And then just getting into his car and driving off

there's also the idea that he drove to walmart in his honda accord, and then when he got out he either forgot where he parked or wanted to skip like 20 seconds of walking so he just summons it right in front of the door

To not have to find a parking space, most wizards keep their Honda Accords in a extradimensional oubliette when not driving. This also saves on garage space.

Clearly the wizard had to summon his Honda Accord because someone stole it while he was shopping. The carjacker is now tumbling violently down the freeway like a source engine ragdoll

The problem with playing smash or pass is that there's a lot of characters which I'm not sexually attracted to but I would fuck in a heartbeat out of sheer curiosity and ego, like I don't find Mickey Mouse attractive at all but if he approached me at a bar and went "Hey sexy, want me to show you my mouseketool?" I would say yes because then I get to tell my friends I fucked Mickey Mouse

Queer joy detected!

they should invent a way for me to do tasks without the mind torture

What does a stock photo of some random guy brooding have to do with my question

i'm so sorry to tell you that's not some random guy brooding, that's jensen ackles, the guy who played dean winchester in supernatural. i think this may be a screenshot from the show.

My mom calls him pouty and the other one squeezy

In your defense when you said this was Misha Collins I immediately believed you that this was his name instead of Jensen Shackles

This post gives off vintage Tumblr vibes

No the real vintage tumblr would already add at least one supernatural gif to the post

this happened an Hour ago

I’m sorry, I need to bring us back around to pouty and squeezy because that’s perfect and I love it

THAT'S SQUEEZY!

this post is from... *check notes* yesterday?

Ok, but what is a blorbo?

There was a secret dollar store that only the social elite were allowed to go to, and you basically had to clip through the walls to get to it like the backrooms. Nothing in the store was under $5.