Awakened

so.... apparently not having writing creativity means I had some weird as fuck photoshop creativity. New theme (from octopussy) and artwork (done by me) have been put in place. Let me know what you think? I know it’s kinda amatureish but I’m learning. It was... kinda soothing to do something so utterly outside of what I normally do, but apparently not enough to get me to write today. 

I do have a few nifty new images I can throw up *like the new graphic above* and I think I might do that more (why yes it was done by me... I should probably put on a thing so people know that... uh... yeah... tomorrow).

I did use boarder psds and stuff, and those will be added soon. And some ‘actions’ which were fun. Anyway. rambling again... uh yeah. 

Love Y’all

So uh... yeah. Love you guys, still want to RP (like I keep wanting to write and nothing good is coming out no matter what I do, it’s making the depression worse so I just stopped trying for right now). You can totally talk to me if we have discord, though I might be slow or short on there. I hope you guys are doing ok and your mondays aren’t crap. 

Love y’all.

So... I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t work because I can barely stand for 20 minutes before being in excruciating pain because of my hip. I’m reliant on my boyfriend buying things for me (with his already limited funds), and my state insurance doctor pretty much told me yesterday that there’s nothing physically wrong with my hip, even though I’m in constant pain and can’t do anything about it (ibprophin isn’t helping, and I’m still feeling pain with an anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxers... so something is fucking wrong...). Oh and she keeps telling me to walk on this hip to loose weight (FYI walking is even harder and hurts more)

And then today I get told I have litigation coming my way for debts I incurred because I lost my job almost 2 years ago and couldn’t pay the debts (which I would have paid off but obviously couldn’t because no money to do so). Everything feels... pointless right now. I can’t get a new job (everything online requires shit I don’t know or can’t do or years of experience with shit and obviously I’d be perfectly willing to work fast food but my hip makes this impossible and literally all the other jobs hiring in my town need me to pick shit up and being active... which I can’t do). I can’t even prove to disability I need it because there’s “nothing wrong with the hip”. 

Oh, and my damn period started so everything ELSE hurts and I feel terrible and I just... can’t.  I’m so exhausted and tired, these stupid muscle relaxers just make that all worse and I feel like shit because I want to RP but nothing is coming up that isn’t terrible. I’m just not sure I can do any of this. 

I know most people do not come here to see bad shit, so if you’ve read this far... thanks, I guess. I’m just not able to handle everything on my plate and shit keeps being put on it. I don’t even know who to ask for help from because everyone just seems to think I should ‘get a job’ and it’s not that easy and I’m in pain all of the fucking time and my doctor doesn’t even seem to understand. All I get from her is that I’m fat (I am, but it still hurts) and that it seems like my hip issue is made up. I’m just... so tired. 

I’m sorry I just... need to complain somewhere. I know it doesn’t matter and shit, and eventually, I’ll figure it out, but I just am so tired. If I could wish on anything it would be enough money to pay off debts and make sure I have enough healthy food to actually get my weight under control (which is part of a different medical issue that’s slowly being controlled... slowly) and just... my hip to be fixed? I don’t know anymore. 

APPEARANCE I am under 5‘5“ / I wear glasses/contacts / I have brown hair / I wear sweatshirts a lot / I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing / I have one or more piercings / I have at least one tattoo / I have green eyes / I have dyed or highlighted my hair / I have gotten plastic surgery / I have or had braces / I sunburn easily / I have freckles / I paint my nailsn (rarely and badly) / I typically wear makeup / I don’t often smile / I am pleased with how I look / I prefer Nike to Adidas / I wear baseball hats backwards / I prefer vintage to modern clothing  / I wear certain articles of jewelry every day

HOBBIES AND TALENTS I play a sport / I can play an instrument (15 year of piano) / I am artistic / I know more than one language / I have won a trophy in some sort of competition / I can cook or bake without a recipe (does one recipe count?) / I know how to swim / I enjoy writing / I can do origami / I prefer movies to TV shows / I can execute a perfect somersault / I enjoy singing / I could survive in the wild on my own / I have read a new book series this year / I enjoy spending time with friends / I travel during school or work breaks / I can do a handstand / I know CPR and first-aid (technically)

EXPERIENCES I have had my first kiss / I have gotten drunk / I have told a crush I like them (literally dating him still 5 years later) / I have traveled outside of the country / I have flown on an airplane / I have stayed awake for more than 48 hours / I have had a near-death experience (whooping cough sucks guys) / I have caught something on fire / I have performed in a talent show / I have shot a gun / I have been on TV / I have gone scuba diving / I have broken a bone / I have slow-danced / I have gone on a shopping spree

RELATIONSHIPS I am in a relationship / I have a crush / I have a best friend / I have known a friend for over ten years / I have( had) a brother / I have a sister (it’s complicated and not biological) / I am the youngest child / I am the eldest child / I have dated my best friend / I am adopted (part of that complicated thing) / My crush has confessed to me / I have had a long-distance relationship / I am an only child (complicated) / I give advice to my friends / I have made an online friend / I met up with someone I have met online

AESTHETICS I have heard the ocean in a conch shell / I have watched the sunrise / I enjoy rainy days / I have slept under the stars / I meditate outside / The sound of chirping calms me / I enjoy the smell of the beach / I know what snow tastes like / I listen to music to fall asleep / I enjoy thunderstorms / I enjoy cloud watching / I have attended a bonfire / I pay close attention to colors / I find mystery in the ocean / I enjoy hiking on nature paths / Autumn is my favorite season

MISCELLANEOUS I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle / I am the mom friend / I live by a certain quote / I like the smell of Sharpies / I am involved in extracurricular activities / I enjoy Mexican food / I can drive stick-shift / I have memorized an entire song in a day / I believe in true love / I dream up scenarios to fall asleep / I sing in the shower / I wish I lived in a video game / I have a canopy above my bed / I am multi-racial / I am a redhead / I own at least three dogs or cats / I am LGBT+

tagged by: @justanotherdayinthefirstorder

Anyways, Raven’s having a bad day and it may go into tomorrow, so if I literaly disapear or only respond to one or two things over the next few days... yeah, don’t worry, I do care I’m just... not in a mental place to handle shit. 

Love y’all

So uh, yeah. Rey’s always gonna be Rey Nobody from Jakku. I prefer that kinda story anyway. <3

Fane’s brows rose at Rey’s suggestion. 

“Actually, I was thinking of taking a nap.” She was tired, still, from the excitement and nearly dying. “I don’t know if I want to cause trouble so soon after getting my freedom.”

A small smile pulled at the corners of her lips. Poe was very wary of Fane. And she couldn’t blame him. The Order had killed his friends and tortured him. Of course he would be distrustful of her. The idea of freaking him out a little was very tempting.

“Terrify how?”

Rey focused on her friend, attention a bit like a hawk for a moment as she reached out with the force. Fane was tired, wasn’t she? Not quite to exhaustion, but sleep would be good for her. The hawk attention faded as she nodded. “Hm... true.” The mischevious woman didn’t usually get to be mischevious, something Chewie had found out the hard way when he’d realized his new co-pilot was reckless as his last one.