lampalas

i’m babysitting this 4 year old kid today and as his dad was leaving he said “be good today” and the kid responded by saying “dad i will punch you in the leg” 

can’t believe language was invented. like everyone was chill and quiet and then one day someone just started saying some shit

why did i have a customer that hole punched his credit card’s chip out, because “he didn’t want a chip”, and then didn’t understand why I couldn’t process his transaction

i’m sorry picsthatmakeyougohmm but this pic made me go hell yea babey elvis presley

(lays back all sexy for u on the bed) (bangs my fuckign head on the headboard)

40+ year old men who seriously believe the young girls working at stores and restaurants are actually flirting with them just because the girls smile and are friendly are the most disgusting and terrifying things on this planet.

i keep getting messages from men over the age of 40 who were upset by this post and i’d like to sincerely thank them for proving my point so effortlessly. 

I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh

reblog for next thursday to be the best day of your life

not risking it

omg there’s a dog in my yard this is the best day ever hello fuzzy baby friend

Rolling a 1 on a perception check

“In a game with no consequences, why are you still playing the ‘Good’ side?”

Because being mean makes me feel bad.

Because my no-consequences power fantasy is being able to help everyone.

Because, consequences or not, I don’t want to hurt people. Ever. Even when pretending. 

These guys have the strongest big dick energy I’ve ever seen

hey guys im making french toast sticks in the oven. I’m gonna take a quick nap wake me up in 5 minutes so i can flip them over

did you wake up in time

I never woke up

I know it’s color but this needed to be shared

Amazing

A reminder that everyone can change, and that there are truly wonderful and supportive people out there. 

Look it’s a little self-serving and feel-good for the Christians in question, I’m sure, but you have no idea how healing this can be for LGBT Christian folks.  Even if they grew up in a welcoming tradition.  Especially if they did not.

ESPECIALLY if they did not