Figured it was about time I create a masterpost to pin on my blog.
Name: Kogarashi, Amanda, "hey you"
Editor, (fandom) writer, freelance artist
Multifandom geek and generally crafty jack-of-all-trades (master of none)
~ I Draw ~ I Write ~ I Craft ~
Outside links here, but the most relevant is probably my Archive of our Own page.
You can buy me a cocoa (Ko-fi) if you want to throw a tip my way, and you can buy things with my art on Redbubble (slowly adding to inventory).
I also have a side blog for reblogging art I like, and now a side blog for reblogging other people's fiction.
I have a tag list for things like tag games. Want on (or off) the list? Just leave a comment on the linked post.
Fandoms, collected posts, commission info, etc. below the cut to keep this shorter on my page.
Quick links to my OCs:
Castelin Cousland | Aelinn Hawke | Tyria Lavellan | Saadrah Mercar
There are a lot of fandoms I'm in (or at least consider myself a part of, even if mostly on the sidelines). The biggest three would probably be:
Sonic the Hedgehog
Dragon Age
Mass Effect
But you'll find me posting things from other fandoms from time to time. If you followed me for one specific fandom but it seems like my hyperfixation has shifted, if you stick around long enough I'm sure it'll shift back.
I've got some sets of posts where I've put together a masterpost to link them all in one place, or have a collective tag for useful things. You can find them here:
Writing Tips (mine specifically; you can find more under the tag "writing advice")
Art Resources (I may not have every resource post properly tagged for this one, but I did my best)
My fandom headcanons
My tumblr dividers - free to use, credit is nice but not necessary, don't claim them as your own work or use them in commercial works
Yes, I do take commissions for both art and writing. If you don't see a type of commission listed below that you're interested in, you can always send me a message to ask.
OCs or canon characters (or both)
No NSFW
I find mechs difficult but I'm willing to give it a fair go
Digital delivery
Payment will be handled through Ko-fi (if you don't see an option on Ko-fi, message me), or you can send me a DM to discuss alternate payment methods.
What you Get:
High-res digital copy of your commission
Limited personal-use print rights (no re-selling, but you can get it printed on media/merchandise of your choice for your own use)
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thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:
the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)
it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.
"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)
as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.
that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.
In with my third FenHawke Week (@fenhawke-week) contribution, and back on art because, like I said, I'm alternating each day.
When I saw the prompt, the first thing I thought of was one of them comforting the other after a nightmare. I love the idea of Fenris being the one offering comfort in this case, and what do you know, I've given Aelinn (my Hawke) the perfect reason to have a night terror: she's a huge arachnophobe. Like, maybe even more than the games indicate.
And what does she help deal with in Inquisition? A massive demon spider in the form of the Nightmare Demon. I'm convinced she was having regular nightmares of that thing for weeks after.
So here we have Fenris with his Blue Wraith hair, comforting her after another nighttime reliving of the horror of facing off against the Nightmare, as they travel together to Weisshaupt to confront the First Warden about Warden-Commander Clarel's actions.
On multiple occasions in the years they've known each other, Shepard and Garrus have been kept apart by space, time, commitments, and on one memorable occasion, death. That has never stopped them from keeping in touch, however.
Be Between Me and Thee records the messages sent between Shepard and Garrus (or from Garrus to Shepard) on four occasions in their lives: after Garrus leaves the SR-1, while Garrus is alone on Omega, during Shepard's house arrest after the destruction of the Alpha Relay, and after the Battle for London. It explores their evolving relationship and what they mean to one another through these significant milestones.
Posted to the Shakarian Mini-Bang 2026 collection on the AO3.
The post going around about how people's parents met has, of course, got me wondering about more fictional variants. So if you feel so inclined, tell the story of how your Shepard's parents met in the tags. Or, for Earthborn Shepards, perhaps the story of how/why they ended up on the streets?
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I hesitate to make this a sweeping statement, but I do think that to be a writer, you have to on some level love words as an artistic medium. Words can't just be the annoying limitation that make it more difficult to share your beautiful daydream. They can't just be the storytelling method you choose because you don't have the skills or resources to make any other kind of media.
You have to love the art of words for its own sake. Love the sound of words--how you can make music of a million different rhythms and moods, how the words and sentences you choose can make a million different atmospheres. Love what you can do with words--paint an image, share an emotion, put a person into a scene that only exists in the world of imagination. Love the different ways you can use words--different points of view and tenses, different formats and styles that can each provide a different experience of the story for the reader. You have to love words as your artistic tool and delight in learning new ways to wield them and new effects that you can create with them.
If you don't love words, there are other ways to tell a story. Writing is an artistic medium with it own strengths and weaknesses, and using it as your artistic medium should be a deliberate choice made out of love for this artform.
I do think the ability to emoji-react is a net win for human communication. not only does it give you an outlet for 'I see and acknowledge this but don't have a verbal response' but it also adds a pleasing alethiometer element to things
my coworker announces that he's off to the dentist. someone reacts with a tooth emoji. is this a statement of dentist solidarity? a wish for my coworker to return with more (or fewer?) teeth than he set out with? simple word association? who can say
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I kind of wanted to do a bunch of art for FenHawke Week (@fenhawke-week) like I did for Rookanis Week back in February. On the other hand, I also don't have as much fic stuff written for Aelinn Hawke and Fenris as I do for my other DA ladies. So, I decided that since FenHawke Week is eight days, I'd alternate art and fic. (Also, that way, I don't drive myself absolutely batty trying to jam out eight art pieces on limited time.)
So for today, I decided to go with the "Grief" prompt and write a ficlet for these two. Sorry, this is sad, but it's the saddest fic day for the week, if that helps?
This is set just after Leandra's death. Hawke is grieving. She and Fenris are already in their "Act II breakup" phase of the relationship.
Grief
(1,301 words)
Read on AO3
The oppressive silence in the Hawke Estate loomed over Fenris like an angry ghost, scratching at his nerves with ragged claws.
Hawke’s home should have been boisterous. Warm. Full of life and laughter. Visiting friends. Loving family. Respected staff. A place the people in her circle could call comfort, could call a second home.
Instead, the grand fireplace in the main hall stood dark and cold, ashes scattered across the floor like something had been raked out recently but no one had cleaned after. Letters piled up on the sideboard, beneath a bare spot on the wall where a portrait had once hung. Hawke and her family, when she was younger, Fenris thought, but couldn’t quite recall for certain. Faulty memory, perhaps.
Guilt at not paying more attention to his one-time lover’s home, more likely.
The soft pat of his bare feet on the floor seemed to thunder in the lonely space. Fenris’s lips thinned into a hard line. The others should have been there.
He should have been there sooner.
But no, Varric had to prod him out of his own self-pity to even convince him to come, and after all the pretty arguments of who was best suited and who might just make things worse and who Hawke really wanted to see, the only thing that had finally convinced Fenris was the promise—threat?—that if he didn’t step up, Anders would.
And, even though Hawke had thrown out Varric and even shouted at Merrill—and she never shouted at Merrill—and even though Fenris was probably the last person she wanted in her home, he now stood at the bottom of the stairs and hated himself for hesitating.
Orana appeared briefly in the hallway that led to the kitchens, holding a tray of food. Their eyes met. Hers were puffy from crying. Fenris felt his soften, and wondered if he looked as lost as he felt.
To his relief, Orana said nothing. She simply inclined her head and disappeared back into the shadows. Relinquishing the task of reaching out to Hawke to him.
The stairs felt cold underfoot as he climbed to the upper landing. The silence continued to lean in as though it could smother him too.
Hawke’s door mocked him in its steadiness. The last time he’d laid eyes on it, he’d left Hawke behind, her eyes dark and—he’d thought then—accusing. Only, he’d come to find after, he’d misunderstood. He’d broken whatever fragile, fledgling thing had grown between them, and she’d blamed herself for it, not him. Had continued to speak in his defense against Anders even though he didn’t need it. Had continued to treat him as a person even though he didn’t deserve it.
He’d driven in the knife, and twisted it, and she still called him friend in spite of it all.
He considered knocking, and instead tried the handle. The door creaked as it opened.
“I told you I didn’t want any,” Hawke’s broken voice quavered from the far side of the bed. It cut right to Fenris’s heart.
The room was a mess. Bed linens rumpled and tossed aside, clothes strewn about, Hawke’s glaive propped against the half-open wardrobe like a drunkard. A tray of uneaten and congealed food sat on the desk. The curtains were drawn as though to shut out the outside world. The fire in the fireplace guttered under a thick cloak of ash. Shadows coated everything as the lone lantern on the nightstand struggled to illuminate anything. The room smelled stale and musty.
Hawke huddled on the floor as far from the door as she could manage, hunched over her knees, head hanging between them, her hair a disheveled mess. She still wore the clothes Fenris had seen her in the day her—
Well, the day everything fell apart.
He rounded the bed, cautious. Hawke’s mabari, leaning against her like his weight alone could bear her up, lifted his head to whine plaintively at Fenris. And around Hawke’s feet, scraps of black spilled like wool leavings in the weaver’s quarter.
Oh.
Hair.
Hawke’s hair.
The knife she’d obviously used lay just out of her reach, strands still clinging to the blade. He could see now the rough hack-job she’d done of the cut, hear the shudder in her breaths of emotions long wrung out.
She turned her head slightly as he approached, one tear-swollen, red-rimmed eye watching him warily. If she was surprised to see him and not one of the others, she didn’t show it. Her breath hitched again as he settled next to her, a polite distance away. It might as well have been a chasm.
A half-choked sob that seemed to die in her chest, and she rubbed her arm across her face with an ungraceful sniffle that sputtered into fresh tears. “I take it Varric sent you,” she said, hiccuping on the words.
He couldn’t meet her eyes. “I know I....” He swallowed. Searched for the words. Found only helplessness that galled him. She needed more than he was. More than he could be. And yet he was the only one at her side at the moment, aside from her dog.
Because a certain dwarf thought he might succeed where the others had failed.
“I’m...not sure I’m the one you want to see right now,” he finally managed.
She shrugged listlessly. He swallowed down his knee-jerk irritation at the implied dismissal and took a deep breath. He opened his mouth to try again.
“You were right.”
The defeat in her voice, muffled against her knees, brought him up short.
“You...and the templars....” Her shoulders shook with her next breath, and she kept her face buried between her legs. “Mages ruin everything they touch.”
Ice lodged in his stomach as effectively as a blade, and he felt the prickle of the lyrium markings along his shoulders and spine flaring up in response.
What has magic touched that it does not ruin?
To hear Hawke, fiercely proud of her magic and yet kind and caring and protective of those she loved, who put up with him and his mess and his sharp tongue, say those words....
To agree with him....
His heart clenched around the damage he had done.
“Would it...help you? Thinking that?” he murmured.
She tried to laugh. The sound snagged in her throat and squeezed out as a sob. “I failed her, Fenris. I failed Carver. I failed Bethany.” Hawke hugged her legs closer to her. “What good is magic if all I do is fail the ones I love?”
He had no answers. He knew what he wanted to say, but shouldn’t. He thought he knew what he needed to say, but couldn’t. All he could manage was an awkward hand on her shoulder. Too light. Too heavy. It felt like both and an intrusion all at once.
“I don’t know,” he forced out. The closest to truth he could find to give her. “Maybe...it’s better not to fill these moments with unnecessary words.”
She did manage a laugh this time, bitter like stale beer. “Eloquent as always,” she sighed.
He bit back the harsh words that tried to spill loose.
“But thank you,” she added. “For being here.” She took another shaky breath. Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. “I know it’s...it’s hard, and...I’m not the best right now....” She choked.
He pulled her to lean into his chest without thinking. She didn’t protest. Her fingers clutched at his armor leathers, holding on as though he was her only lifeline, and she buried her face against his chest and sobbed.
When she finally cried herself to sleep an hour later, he carefully moved her to the bed, stroking her raggedly shorn hair out of her eyes, and left her there with an inadequate apology and all his regrets.
Title: Hypothesis Testing aka Humans and Turians and Blowjobs, Oh My!
Rating: E
Word Count: 9,208
Summary:
When Mordin gives Adrienne Shepard a very dubious piece of medical advice regarding the ingestion of turian bodily fluids, Shepard immediately calls bullshit — and Garrus is more than happy to help her prove the hypothesis wrong.
Posted to the Shakarian Mini-Bang 2026 collection on the AO3.
Not putting it in tags because four OCs. Too much to leave down there.
Castelin and Alistair get the unfortunate outside opinions that she's just in it for power. To many (especially Loghain and Anora supporters), the Couslands failed at one political takeover and now here's their daughter—a newly-minted Grey Warden, who should be politically neutral—propping up the dead king's bastard half-brother in a bid for the throne, and marrying him for "legitimacy." It doesn't help that to people who don't know her, Castelin is intimidating, clearly diplomatically trained but with a bit of a temper hiding underneath. Many see her as cold, calculating, intruding and taking charge where she's not wanted, and don't see the softer side that Alistair is madly in love with.
Luckily for the two of them, their friends (who are the ones who really matter) see the softer side, that there's love in both directions there and Castelin is in it for Alistair's sake, not her own.
Aelinn and Fenris would probably get some "power imbalance" criticisms, at least until people see them both in action and realize there's no imbalance there. Some who know Aelinn's romantic proclivities prior to Fenris might assume she's just after another pretty face and good-looking body, but Maker help anyone who voices that out loud around either of them. If they're lucky, they're just getting punched.
Other than that, anyone who can at all read the writing on the wall can see the two of them are head over heels for each other, even if they try to play it casual. Also frighteningly effective together. And the only person in the friend group who outright disapproves is Anders, and Aelinn hasn't seen him since the Chantry explosion.
Tyria and Cullen definitely get quiet, discontent rumbles of power imbalance, though everyone assumes the imbalance is in Cullen's favor (former templar, human, tall and strong, favor with the Chantry) even though Tyria (mage, Dalish, slight of build, apostate) is actually the Inquisitor. Many disapprove of the match, either because they feel the Inquisitor should not be romantically entangled with her own Commander, or because they dislike human-elf relationships, especially when the elf is a "Dalish savage."
At least among the inner circle, most are in full support, and those who aren't keep it to themselves because it's none of their business. Honestly, Dorian is probably their biggest fan in this regard.
Saadrah and Lucanis get a mix of results. The whole Veilguard is in support, thankfully. Many people in Treviso, on the other hand, initially assume that Saadrah is an Antaam interloper and Lucanis her "pet" Crow. Illario dismisses her as "not a threat" initially. Caterina is unhappy with Lucanis's choice of partner but takes her time before voicing it. Teia is wholly on board while Viago is cautious, as expected. On Saadrah's side of things, Tarquin is bitter because "of course Rook would side with birds before Dragons," but eventually comes around. Saadrah's mother is wary (she spent so much of Saadrah's childhood trying to dissuade her from emulating the Crows), while Saadrah's brother is much more accepting.
Most people, though, can't argue that they don't care about each other. Even when they're at public functions and keeping things on the down-low, there are small touches, small looks, that are obvious enough to anyone with eyes.
a character shaking their head in disbelief or disgust with hand on their forehead, looking down
that kiss animation used since origins and in every mass effect game where they very slowly go in, hesitate, bop their heads around, and really go in for the kiss
when a character, usually female, talks and puts their two hands in front of them like a robot and shakes them to illustrate their point
a character leans back on one leg with their arms loose
the exit-stage-right an NPC does after a conversation ends
angry limp wrist pointing
neck/collar bone scratch
a slow crossing of the arms in times of suspicion
that punch animation
drinking alcohol and violently shaking head
a character gives a half smile with an eyebrow raised
pointing behind with thumb, body turns very slightly
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Okay, @jellyeliart, you posted that poll about genres, so I figure I'll throw a few at you this week from a few different genres just to satisfy that whole "variety" thing. ;) Some of these are definitely songs I've shared before (maybe not for this but for other music games), but that's beside the point. 😁
Alex Warren - "One More I Love You"
I've got this one on my playlist because I love the sentiment in it, and because it fits my OC Saadrah reasonably well. Alex Warren's music is *chef's kiss*.
More below the cut.
Home Free - "Everybody Walkin' This Land"
I love a very large portion of Home Free's music, but decided to share this one as a feature (though "Brother" is also good and has a fun music video). Tim Foust's bass line in this just gives me the shivers in a good way (I was so happy when they performed this at the "Challenge the Sea" concert I attended last year).
Crush 40 - "What I'm Made Of"
Can't show off my tastes without a little bit of Sonic the Hedgehog butt rock. Sure, "Live and Learn" is quintessential in the fandom, but this one is right up there with it as far as favorite Crush 40 tracks go.
Ted Poley and Tony Harnell - "We Can: Theme of Team Sonic"
Yes, a second Sonic song, but it's not Crush 40, and it's more pop-punk, so there. I love this one because it's just unapologetically positive. "Together we can overcome all the odds. It's never as hard as it seems." Gimme more of that, thanks.
Céline Dion - "It's All Coming Back to Me Now"
How about a swerve from the Sonic songs? I've always enjoyed Céline's music, and this song right here is what prompted me to buy one of her albums in the 90s after I got my first CD player. The music video is also delightfully melodramatic, it's great.
Sail North - "Tales of Luria"
Shanty time! This is my favorite Sail North song, hands down (though I also love how he turned "Row Row Row Your Boat" and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" into shanties as well. This one's music just hooks me every time it comes up.
Ludovico Einaudi - "Pathos"
I'm 100% blaming "Pathos" (fic link) by karinamay for this, though I'd listened to a few Einaudi works before reading that. "Pathos" is hands-down my favorite Einaudi song. I love how it builds.
Persephone Maewyn and dascoltjr - "Total Eclipse of the Heart (Literal Video Version)"
Okay, let's wrap up with a silly one. I'm an 80s/90s kid, and some of my music favorites reflect that (See "Heaven Is a Place on Earth" by Belinda Carlisle and "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by Starship on my regular playlist), but this version of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" holds a soft spot in my heart. 80s music videos could be wild, and this version riffs on that.
Enjoy all the music, Eli! 💙
Tags to share along. Maybe drop a comment and let me know which of these you like best? 😉
