it is what it is

I WAS BORN YESTERDAY. I JUST BLEW IN FROM STUPID TOWN. THIS IS MY FIRST RODEO. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME.

”Explain yourself” followed by “stop making excuses” has always baffled me because the fuck you think explaining myself is????

hate when I type :) and this 🙂 fucker appears. Go away you evil soul

next dynamic were sexualizing is that of a bull and a toreador

It was the hest of times, it was the horse of times

Coworker (60) was cursing under his breath to himself trying to get something to work on his computer. Other coworker (25) asked, "Are you winning son?" which went unanswered for quite a while, until finally coworker (60) very quietly went "..........'son'?"

when i was a kid i was so mad all the time bc i thought someday i'd have to be somebody's wife i didn't know it was optional. is everybody reminding the young girls in their lives that it's optional.

Maybe if I just work harder, this empty cup will pour again

Maybe the cup needs a bit of time to rest and refill?

Maybe the cup needs to lock the fuck in???

hey I wonder what happens if I put powdered milk into carbonated water

my cereal is loud and it's demanding to know why I would sin against both nature and god so thoughtlessly

...how does it taste?

bad

I have mastered the potion: Instant Spoiled Milk, therefore earning the rank of shittiest alchemist currently alive.

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