:3c

wuh oh guys! Set thrusters to bedtime because I just got a signal from planet Sleepy: they are going to kill us with lasers

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

I know we’re all like lawless nonconformists but you really can’t be texting and driving. that’s one of the ones you’ve gotta listen to for real

fun game called pick at ur scalp until it bleeds

women are like diamonds: synthetically-produced women are not meaningfully different from naturally-formed women, and anyone trying to tell you otherwise is probably trying to justify keeping their women mines open

I also ☝️ think it's important to tell the difference between "the author's barely-disguised fetish" and "the audience member's unrealised kink that they're projecting onto the author because seeing a character tied up is making them feel funny in their Audience Member Parts"

more ppl need to get hooked on this drug called album in order. not enough people on album in order these days

trans women who "don't mind topping" or are "fine with having a penis I guess" take my hand

swag if you genuinely enjoy these things but it's staggering the number of trans women I've known who feel this way and eventually realize they need bottom surgery more than they realized. take my hand it will be ok I will still love you

it's scary to go against what people expect from you, and it's scary to accept that you want to summit what seems like an insurmountable mountain but it's ok. I love you. I know you can do it. I can't wait to see the glowing smile on your face

There is not even time for a quick jerk off