come up to the lab and see whats on the slab

*notices my ice cream has more sprinkles than yours* how's it feel to be a sprinklet? idiot. dumbass *trips and drops my ice cream* can i have a lick of yours if you say no i'll cry

the flat hand thing works, she’s correct

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

My cum so worthless when I spill sum on the ground it’s not even worth cleaning uppp

the problem with employment is it gives you money to purchase video games but it takes away your time to play video games. Mao spoke of this

Body that's been infested so long and so heavily that it contains its own ecosystem of parasites, different species of worms and grubs and slugs and bugs killing and eating each other in their own food chain, fucking and breeding and making more and more generations of themselves entirely within someone's body

girlfriend looks over my shoulder and sees that im on a twitter account named "The Toy That Plays Back" and my profile pic is a a jack in the box with angry eyebrows posting stuff like "How about we play with YOU for a change" and "Us Toys hate being played with"

“you only like villains because you want to fix them” actually I like them because I want a villain who’s absolutely terrifying and ruthless to everyone, except for me, their cute s/o. Get it right 🙄

going on a guilt trip do yall want anything

if you really cared about me you wouldn't have to ask

the reason usa birth rates going down is because we have a whole generation of women whose sexual awakening was Sans undertale and none of the men want to wear jorts and drink ketchup and go Er er er