indefinite hiatus
Iâve been avoiding this post for like a month now because things havenât been good in my life, and this blog (all my blogs) have been very inactive. Basically whatâs going on isâŚ.not something I can explain in a âbasicallyâ statement.Â
A big thing right now in my family is that my dad is dating a woman and basically bouncing out on us. My mom died a year ago October and my dad has been dating this lady for awhile now. When my sister got sick over Thanksgiving and nearly died my dad was more concerned about his girlfriend. When my other sisterâs house half burned down that same week he was more concerned with his girlfriend than his daughter. Basically itâs been that. My dadâs pretty much living his little life with this woman that none of us like (sheâs an awful person lol) and all of us have been dropped by the side of the road because it.
This leads into another thing. Iâm basically running away from home. I have two friends who are going to let me live with them rent free until I can get stable. In the next few weeks Iâm going to be making the move and figuring out how to tell my dad that Iâm leaving (which he will attempt to manipulate me into staying). My dad has been manipulating me most of my life and Iâm in a very toxic situation. The other day he was berating me about âsleeping my life awayâ and I tried to explain my mental illness and he didnât care and said âI donât have time to read about that stuffâ (but as my friend point out, he has time to fuck around with some lady none of us like)
My fatherâs toxic behavior is also leaving me in a very scary position as I havenât come out to my father as a trans man. He isnât open minded, he canât even take time to read about mental illness let alone try to wrap his mind around me being transgender. In the last few months my dysphoria, anxiety, and depression have been going off the chart because Iâm still living with my Dead Name, with she/her pronouns, canât start HRT, and all of that. My dad could barely handle when I came out as a âlesbian.â Living like this is very having a major affect on me and is a driving force being me running away.
Another major thing thatâs happening is that I went to Planned Parenthood for my likeâŚlady part stuff. Anyways, because of a bunch of stuff Iâve been experiencing I might have a pituitary gland tumor which is really fucking terrifying.Â
Recap? My toxic, manipulative father is dating a goblin lady we all hate, Iâm running away from home in part because of that and because I cannot live openly as a trans man right now, and I might have a brain tumor. Basically, Iâm just kinda not too much on the tumblr now just cause of real life. Hopefully once I get moved in with my friends and things smooth out Iâll be able to be active here again. Iâm really sorry if weâve stopped talking/writing together the last few months because of this or if Iâve ignored you or anything like that. Iâm really not trying to. Things are just really taxing for me at the moment. I love you guys, and I hope to be back here eventually. Thanks, Matthew.
a tiny update: my doctors appt for the endo specialist (in regards to the possible tumor) was three months away. I called and asked a lot of different people if it could be moved up considering how scary and threatening this is (things like my vision are becoming impaired and I'm in pain). At first they said there wasn't anything they could do to move it up but then today I got a call saying they moved my appointment to the eighteenth which is like a week away instead of three months. My above update was very dark, sad, and negative so I wanted to share something positive. I'll probs make little updates about this here and there.
Thanks,
Matthew.









