Pride Is Dumb
07/06/2020
Its been days! Nine entire days since I've even talked to my best friend and I don't even know any more. All this time I've been thinking I don't need him. I don't need to be treated like some once a month let's have dinner and then get flaked on friend. I'm worth more than that! I have feelings and I'm not needy! I'm not stupid for wanting to hang out with my best friend at least once a week! My feelings matter damn it and I don't appreciate them being written off as needy! I fucking matter!!!
And now I'm laying here in bed debating. I lost my best friend before thinking that way. Thinking that if she really cared she'd come for me... But this time I don't want to sit here and wait, hoping that he'll care enough to look for me first. What if he takes it the wrong way and it is the end? I'm so close to just going to his house and crying and saying that I do miss him and I just want us to be normal. I'm at the point where I'm so close to not even caring if everyone thinks I'm dumb for it or if even he thinks I'm pitiful. I'll take any scraps I can get at this point. I just miss him!!! I miss his stupid laugh and his annoying tendencies and I miss his dumb shaking leg. I miss watching RuPaul and eating Pho. I miss our drives and I miss eating at Las Fresas! I miss holding his hand and I miss teasing him because I demand hugs!!!
I just miss my best friend and it sucks because I overthink everything and he's probably having fun on vacation thinking everything will be fine while I'm over here crying and wishing he'd just run after me like I so badly want to run after him! I've never been prideful, but the tiny bit of pride I have is gone. I'm a big wuss and I don't even care if everyone sees it or criticizes me. If he ever comes back I'm going to burst out crying and beg him not to leave me like that again, because he was right the entire time. I can't handle it, and I don't even want to try at this point.













