#aching

Linda Pastan, from Waiting for My Life: Poems; "What We Want"

Moceit? Janus watches him from afar for years, stares, waits, prays, Patton laughs at something Roman says and Janus dies a little bit more because why does Roman get to be seen, but he doesn't? Why do they all get to be touched by him, held by him, feel his warmth, endless warmth, but him? Patton finally lets him hang around, but it's not what he wants. The thought makes him sick. He wants more. More than he could ever take. He'd break Patton, he's sure of it, so he never tells him anything. He dances around it, careful not to step on the glass. Francis Forever by Mitski is them, your honor

Roceit? Janus has never felt more hollow then SvS because what do you mean he did all of this for Roman, to get him what he wants and Roman throws it all away out of spite? Out of his hatred of Janus. Oh boy does he seethe, angry that Roman can't just accept that maybe Janus wants him to be happy? Janus just wants him happy. He wants it so much it makes him sick. He thinks about it all the time. Roman reminds him so much of the original creativity it aches. Janus drowns in it. He wants Roman to know how he sees him, how he really sees him.

The Body Remembers by Annabelle Dinda is about Janus and Roman

Anxceit? Janus cares, so much. It drowns him. He wants Virgil back so much, so badly he'd do anything, be anyone if it just meant one more moment with Virgil. Just one singular moment, a little breath, so he can live in that denial a little longer. Virgil doesn't hate him, he's not mad at him, they're laughing, and hugging, and Virgil smiles. He smiles at him. And for a moment, Janus forgets that Virgil is seeing Patton, because all Janus sees is Virgil. And hooo boy does it hurt.

We Hug Now, by Sydney Rose is so them coded <3

Lociet? Janus watched him fade, watched that spark leave him, drain out of him, of course he saw it all. He's self preservation, for godsake! It's his job! That includes preserving the sides, too. Which means Janus knew as Logan faded, but he didn't intervene. He regrets it, so much. Logan is so much... less, now. Janus wants that passion back. He tries, damn it he tries, to bring it back, but Logan just. Won't. Janus pokes, prodes, provokes him, to try and get him back, the real Logan, but. Nothing. Janus realises just how badly he fucked up. He tries to be there for Logan now, because he wasn't back then, but it's too late. Logan is dulled, subdued, and Janus wonders what right does he have to fix him when he stood by as Logan broke down? It's hard, watching stars die. He sits in silence with him, and watches, waits. Logan, the old Logan, would've said something by now. Janus sits with that truth, and it's the most bitter thing he's ever held in his chest.

Your needs, My needs, by Noah Kahan is their song.

Dukeceit? Janus has seen him from the beginning. Young and spry and not unlike Roman at all. They were once two sides of the same coin, but as time went by, as they grew, Remus changed. He went from a bright-eyed, hyperactive kid, to a manic, wide-eyed monster. Remus became a caricature of himself. Janus watched the sea drain into a pond, then into nothing at all. Bloated corpses and dead coral and bone are all that remains of what once was. He wants Remus back. The real Remus. The one he had until it was no longer needed. They called Remus the leech, but Janus knows it was really Roman. Watching Roman encompass more and more of Thomas' creativity, watching Remus become more and more a fiction. Like how a scary story only gets more grotesque over the years, losing the human that inspired it, and the morals it held, until it's nothing more than a haunted house. The tragedy that caused the ghost doesn't matter, all that anyone cares about is the fact there's a ghost at all. While Roman shifts into a Lady Godiva, Remus becomes Bloodymary, and Janus? He mourns.