the fries, the witch, and one stupid bitch

ok guys but imagine how hard it's gonna hit if something good ever happens again

Those character chatbot ads are getting so malicious btw it's unreal

If we're friends and you recreate me in ai i'll kill both of us. If you're a marketing agent and you encourage people to do this i'll kill both of us.

If your friends get annoyed at you for texting them to the point where you'd rather talk to a fucking water guzzling oversized autocorrect you need better friends

skateboard will be so fictionalized that people forget we all have one inside of us. like the war of course but like they arent just fantasy creatures.... its just In There

Shout out to the phrase “I’m going to become the joker” for capturing a very specific and real emotion

*this meeting could have been an email voice* this cgi could have been a puppet

Yes, your seal is childproof, however, it is also 30 year old adult with carpal tunnel proof as well

A question for the ages.

The earlier on Tuesday you reblog this the funnier it is. (5:28am)

I think it sucks that you have to go to so many different kinds of doctor to take care of yourself. It's the 21st century. I should be able to go to a single office where they scan me with a big xerox machine and tell me what I'm allergic to and why my tummy hurts and if I have any cancer or cavities or if my glasses prescription has changed. And then I should get a sticker.

missing someone is crazy because you’ll have dreams that r like “we went on a nice walk together :)” and you’ll wake up feeling like you’re gonna throw up

Turns out the scheming eunuch's love for you is genuine

"I don't get you Goragog." "Listen, it's nice. Just nice! Can't things be nice? Is it a sin for things to be nice?" "No and that's part of the problem..." "You're just jealous Samantha created a "bffs forever" blingee with me. When was the last time one of your warlocks did something like that for you?" "*on the verge of tears* it's been DECADES!"