Like every year, Helle tuned out the speech and the escort's blithe, cheerful comments.
She tried her best to keep a calm, serene expression on her face, resisting the urge to glance over and pick out Kari's face. She knew he wouldn't bother to try and keep a serene mask.
Especially not with the twist this year.
It had been a shock when the news was announced. There had been celebrations, at first- nobody would have to watch their children die, not this year. And then reality sank in. Regardless if they were still alive, they were still trapped, forced to entertain the Capitol, forced to fake a feeling that would be hard to form under such conditions. Adults had mourned their safety nets and she had seen partners indulge in "one last night" just in case for the past few days. She knew Kari had been visiting Siv, his eyes red whenever he came back home.
Kari thought it was bullshit. Helle did so as well, but kept quiet. She couldn't risk something happening to them, not before the reaping.
This year, there was just one glass bowl, tinted pink to match the hideous pink decor across the arena.
The escort reached inside with a dramatic wriggle of their fingers and plucked out a slip of paper. Helle didn't breathe as they lifted it up.
She knew before they said it, could practically feel her twin stiffen up before it echoed out.
Thankfully, the pink decor hadn't reached the Hall of Justice.
Helle kept her hands folded and refused to moved. If she moved, she would doβ¦something. She wasn't sure what, exactly, considering the room wasn't exactly full, but she kept still anyway.
Kari fell through. He wasted no time in scrambling for her, burying his face in her skirt as if they were little kids again and he wanted comfort from their mom. Runa and Asta hurried after him, coming on either side of her. Asta buried her face in her shoulder and let herself cry there like Kari. Runa had no shame, sniffling as tears openly ran down her face.
Thankfully, Endre didn't follow. She had heard him laughing as she walked up to the stage, glancing back to make sure Kari didn't try and volunteer for her. If he waltzed in, Helle would punch him.
Instead, Siv and Mabelle came in, the latter shutting the door. She didn't know Mabelle well, but Siv had been a fixture in their life for a while.
"Hey, come here," She held out a hand. Siv took it, and she felt her hand. Much like other people in the district, there were pinprick scars across her fingertips. "Siv, before I leaveβ¦"
"Don't." Kari said for the first time, looking up at her. His eyes shone as he glared up at her. "Don't talk like you're going to die."
"I am, in a way, so I need you guys to be prepared." It was still the Hunger Games. She was selling her soul. "Kari, you're in charge, I don't care what Endre says. Siv, I want you to move in with them."
"I know that it's probably not what you and Kari planned," Helle's heart ached, and for the first time, she felt a flicker of envy for her twin. Kari had found love, a true, real love, and Helle had never bothered. Now, she regretted at least not trying to find someone like that, even if it didn't pan out. She didn't have a choice now. "But I want you safe and secure. Mabelle," The other girl straightened. "You're welcome as well. If you need to kick out Endre, go ahead."
"β¦Helle, Iβ¦" Siv stared at her and then sighed. "I'm sorry."
"Why-" Asta peeled her face off her shoulder. "Why are you being so calm?!" Kari nodded. "Youβ¦you're acting like you're going to the store, not this!"
"Do you want me to scream? To cry?"
"Yes!" Three voices echoed off the walls of the room.
"You're leaving us!" Runa said, fresh tears bubbling up. "You're leaving us, and you won't be dead, but it'll be like you are!" She whacked her and Helle felt a hiss escape her at the contact. "We need you! We want you here! And you're acting like it doesn't even matter!"
"β¦Iβ¦" She let her mask break, briefly. "I don't want this. I don't want to be calm and I definitely don't want to lose you guys. But, to be honest, the Capitol wants me terrified, andβ¦" She took a breath and it was shakier than she had allowed in years. "β¦If I'm not calm, I'm going to do something stupid."
She pulled her siblings close, even Siv, and held them.
This might be the last time she could.
"And if I do something, that ruins any chance I might have after this to see you again."