Eldritch Cult

Thor (to Loki): I'll kill you

Volstagg (to Loki): I'll kill you

Sif (to Loki): I'll kill you

Jane :*slaps him*

*and then there's Fandral*

on her KNEES begging fandral to get her pregnant, day and night showing their fiance all the cute kids running around the town. showing them magic and delighting in their wide smiles and excited eyes.

loki just adores them. there aren't many kids on Asgard, but all of them have seen lokis magic and are happy whenever he comes down to the town. he'll sit and have lunch after shopping, giving the children half a cake each and telling them stories. if any of them fall asleep, she'll make sure they're comfortable until she leaves. many of the kids scurry home with coins to give their parents, along with a little note reassuring them who it was from and where they had been, had he stayed out layer than intended.

and look. fandral loves kids, he wants kids too. just not to the same extreme extent that loki does. she'll try and jump his bones whenever she can, and between kisses she's trying to convince him how fun it'd be to just not use protection, take their chances, try and get her pregnant. fandral was sure they'd look gorgeous pregnant, that wasn't the issue, no matter how many times loki tearfully insisted that must be the issue. and he was sure their kids would be wonderful.

it was just that sometimes odin and thor gave him such terrifying looks when he dared kiss loki in public that he worried should there be a visible sign that they'd *done it* that he'd find himself hung from the rafters.

Fandral, eye twitching, holding a knife to the King’s throat: Say that again. Dare you.

Loki: 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Loki is just

Pissed.

So is fandral, but. How could his own father say that about him? He's about to start crying again, literallt shaking with held in rage and his bottom lip trembling. How could he?

Luckily, Fandral is having none of it. He is absolutely enraged, because he KNOWS that Loki didn't and would never cheat on him. Odin doesn't know what fandral does about lokis past relationships- how they would emotionally and physically cheat on him with other than people and he'd be left to deal with it. His insistence that he'd never do such a thing. Also, that he was almost certain that Loki had gotten pregnant over their month long honeymoon. During which they hadn't been separated.

So he is so enraged. Hence the knife. Odin is staring at him in shock and anger, and Frigga gasps in surprise. Lokis jaw literally drops. Thor bursts into the room to find the scene and is baffled.

Loki: ugh. Gross. Fine, but I'm not going to have more than two kids with him

Odin: you don't have to..

Loki: Okay, three. Whatever.

I just love the concept of Fandral being in love with loki, unable to say anything because loki is his Prince and thors little brother, except loki is fond of him as well. And even though fandral knows he really couldn't be with loki because of the all father and thor and the crowns reputation, when loki looks up at him he really really wants to kiss him.

Loki's bright and innocent eyes peering the couple of inches up at him through his dark lashes, yet to reach the growth spurt he needs to only be a little shorter (because I love taller fandral). A small but *knowing* and *adoring* smile tugging at his lips, and the balm he wears to care for his lips as well as he cares for his skin makes them shiny. Fandral wants to know if they'd be soft against his own.

Equally, Loki loves how kind fandral is, even loves that he refuses to kiss him even though they both know he wants to. It's sweet, that fandral cares so much for his reputation that he refuses to do what he wants. But honestly, if the charming fool doesn't so something soon loki will just pull him into some unused hall and lean up to kiss him himself.

That's almost what happens- though it's fandral that pulls loki aside. He invites him on a walk through a quiet and disrepaired part of the gardens, summons flowers with the small spark of seidr that he has and, when loki accepts them with a shy look and a flush on his cheeks, he leans down to gently press a kiss to his lips. Loki kisses back, of course, because *finally* he is getting what *he* wants for a change and not what his father wants or "what's best for him".

Loki & Fandral: Yes.

Thor: Why?

Fandral: I happen to find Loki very appealing.

Loki: So, wanna makeout?

Loki: I mean hangout** damn autocorrect.

Fandral: So, wanna sit on my face?

Fandral: I mean grab a drink**

Loki: Autocorrect clearly just wants us to bang.

Loki: Screw that, I’m not kissing any of you.

Fandral walks in

Suspect: *suspicious* I think some of the words here are getting lost in translation. Let’s just speak in French! *says something in French*

Shaggy: *responds in perfect French*

Suspect: *frantically* I’m sorry, doctor. Of course. Let me find her file! *leaves the room*

Velma: How do you know French?

and Dean starts FREAKING OUT because Cas is gay???? How did he not catch that?? He doesn’t act gay! Apart from maybe the whole watching over Dean thing, or how he sometimes shares Deans bed in nasty motels, or how they hug for a little to long or share food even though Cas doesn’t need to eat, or that one time in the woods where they fell and Cas’ weight was on his chest and his hips were pressed against his-

John is aware he is bi, it has been something he has known his entire relationship with Olivia. He doesn't talk about it partially from being from the South and being in the military and mostly because he thinks its nobody's business. Like maybe in their relationship John was comfortable talking about how other men are attractive to Olivia. Or they went on break for a bit and he had some sexual experiences with some men at Westpoint. He's comfortable with it even though he doesn't bring it up.

And then there is Bob. His father was incredibly abusive and extremely homophobic. He would go into extremely homophobic rants and Bob ended up internalizing a lot of it. Once Bob looked at another boy the wrong way and was punished severely for it and after that his brain fully repressed any attraction to men as a way of protecting him. Eventually he did leave home and was on his own in the throes of his drug addiction and maybe he had a few sexual experiences with women that didn't go well, but he just chalked it up to the drugs messing with his libido. So he was mostly just on his own until he ended up in Malaysia.

And now, they are on a team together. And Bob keeps finding himself taking glances at John without realizing--noticing the firmness of his body, the blueness of his eyes, how soft his hair looks--and feels incredibly anxious but doesn't really know why. And maybe there is a part of his brain that is telling him that he should be looking at Yelena or maybe Ava--they are both pretty and strong and funny, he should be attracted to them, because that is how it's supposed to go. Yet somehow he is so relieved when he finds out that Ava is a lesbian and Yelena is aroace, that the option to be with them isn't there.

But that relief is promptly thrown out the window the second John reveals that he is bi. To be fair everyone is shocked, but John is so nonchalant about it, like he had told them his favorite color is red instead of shattering Bob's entire perception of him.

Then he called me in the middle of season 8 like, "Okay I know I said no spoilers but I need this spoiler, WHEN DO DEAN AND CAS KISS?!" and I said, "Um well so far never." He then went on a 20 minute offended rant about HOW DARE they use all those romantic tropes and then NOT DO ANYTHING WITH THEM, he was seriously pissed off about it.