Market Chipping

"Mr. Chairman, distinguished Senators, the American People. I am grateful for this opportunity to tell my story. Not through the press and not through my lawyers, but from me directly. I know there has been a lot of speculation about my role in the tragic events at the White House on the night of the Australian State Dinner. I am here to set the record straight. I speak of my own free will, and everything I will say here today is mine. My thoughts. My words. My story."

Please reblog the polls, but KEEP IT SPOILER-FREE to make people read the excerpt with an open mind 💖📚 Title and author will be revealed after the poll's conclusion.

The Dark Lord of Derkholm (Dark Lord of Derkholm in the United States) is a 1998 fantasy novel by British author Diana Wynne Jones. From Wikipedia: “The novel is a parody, for its setting is a mock high fantasy world, similar to that Jones covered in The Tough Guide to Fantasyland, a humorous travel guide on the Rough Guides model.

The narrative is set in a fantasy world whose economy and society are controlled by an interdimensional tourism industry. An organization called "Mr. Chesney's Pilgrim Parties" coordinates annual tours for visitors from the real world to participate in various fantasy tropes, including interactions with wizard guides, attacks by winged predators, and confrontations with designated "Dark Lords". These events cause widespread environmental damage and casualties among the local population. In a meeting about the Pilgrim Parties, High Chancellor Querida takes a wizard, a high priest and a thief to see the Oracles, who determine that the next person the group sees will play the role of the Dark Lord, and the second person will be the Wizard Guide that they need. They meet Wizard Derk. Derk undertakes to "evil-fy" his home, Derkholm, for its role as the Dark Lord's capital. He summons a demon to bind there, but it escapes. An ancient dragon mistakes him for a ruling Dark Lord, then takes offense when it learns the commercial truth.

it's also all grounded by being presented mainly through the eyes of Derk and his family, which is a mix of humans and griffins, all of whom have their own distinct personalities and talents. they're all so vividly written, and the family dynamics are so real. it really pulls you in and gives everything that emotional anchor despite so much going on being so absurd and tongue-in-cheek (I love the part where Derk has to fake dying for the benefit of the tourists).

"Ikea pt. 1-8"

Everyone deserves a magical, plush, emotional support shark/patron saint <3

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