Katie Olney

I just had to take a second and say how fucking Incredible Zendaya portrayed a mentally ill teenage drug addict whos father had recently passed away.Im rewatching the first season to get myself prepared to watch the new one. And I just got to the scene where Zendaya got blackballed by her plug/friend, Fez, because he said he didn’t want to be a part of her killing herself anymore… And how she…

Luckily, my bestfriend was in a locked cell with me (only for a few days though since she was my co-defendant) where we stayed for 14 fucking days. Actually I think it was 15. You have to piss and shit RIGHT in front of each other and right next to whatever food you have. You are reduced to surviving off of snack food that will possibly shorten our damn lives because the “food” they serve you is…

Most people dont understand just how terrible the withdrawal process is…I see it everyday at work at a detox facility, and I’ve lived through it many MANY times…People who’ve never lived it don’t understand the true power of addiction or the sickness of withdrawal. From the outside, it looks exaggerated. Dramatic. Like something people should just “push through.” But it is real, more real than…

I love so much the nurses that I can actually talk to about my past and my battles without feeling judged or “less than” or just generally weird. Last night, my nurse and I spent the majority of the 12 hr shift with her asking me questions about how addicts think and why we do and say the things that we do. I told her about my multiple times being put in a turtle suit in jail “for my protection”…

It breaks my heart when at work we have people come all the way out here to do AA and NA meetings, and none of the patients go. Not even one. Those people took time away from their holiday season to try to be of service, and the patients could not care less.I know that they don’t feel good and are going through withdrawals, but if you care enough about your recovery than you should Fight for it.I…

Walking around at work feeling like everybody is talking shit about me 24/7 just because they looked at me and are judging every thing that I do which I know is just the borderline personality disorder talking, but knowing and actually being able to control/stop it are two Completely different things… It’s just all so exhausting. My emotions switch about as often as a stop light. Getting…

This may sound shallow and stupid, but im still really fucking depressed about my old Facebook getting hacked then basically deleted…I had 9.5 thousand followers and got over 300k views per month.  Besides the heartbreaking memories (photos, videos), you lost SO much more….It may sound sad, but i had “fans” (so to speak) who followed my journey and cheered me on, and honestly, it was a HUGE part…

I can’t explain what borderline personality disorder has done to my life… It’s being scared to make eye contact with people because you think they are going to see something dark in you and get freaked out. It’s being paranoid when you’re walking past a group of people thinking that they HAVE to be talking about you. And obviously, they have to be talking shit. You constantly feel like people…

Hey it’s me, I’m back again.We used to be the best of friends.You first met me, then fell in love.You couldn’t seem to get enough. That very first time was unforgettable,Yet it seemed to also be unachievable.But still, you would try and you would try-To replace that very first high;No matter how many people said “goodbye.” You started making me number one,More important than any daughter or…

I decided to post this a little early just because it’s weighing heavy on my mind and heart. And shit I’m only one day off lol anyways I’m just so fucking excited to pick up my 18 month chip tomorrow. I’ve worked SO fucking hard for this shit man… this is going to be long, but if you want to hear a little more about my story from junkie to sober, responsible member of society working at my dream…

Feeling nostalgic. This past year and a half of recovery has been incredible. I dont think that I’ve ever experienced so many changes so fast. Decisions that were at first so fucking hard to make and scared the shit out of me. But thank God I did, because I don’t think that I would have made it out and stayed out of addiction if I went right back to what I knew and what was comfortable. Just…

I’m happy, oh yes, I swear it’s true, But I still can’t seem to get over you. I look above at the skies bright blue, And wonder if there’s but a clue… I have so much, oh yes, I know, But still there’s this gaping hole. I can’t stop looking down below- At all this dirt and rot and coal, And wondering why it has to be so? Why we love, when we all die alone. This curse of losing everyone…

Why cant I ever find happiness?Never satisfied by money or things:Consumed with a constant loneliness,Chasing passion and all that it brings. Oh, the things I do trying to feel…Saturating myself with desire,But my wounds never seem to heal,And I burn deep inside like wildfire. I am nothing but a tragic paradox,Feeling too much, yet nothing at all.Too afraid to move- unable to walk;All I know…

To everyone that has shown me love and support throughout the years and cheered me on through my journey towards recovery and self love and an all around better life, I love all of you so fucking much. You guys help keep me sober, keep me sane, keep me grounded, inspire me, and help keep me determined especially on the bad days. Please continue to support and show your love, because my journey…

If you only fucking knew what goes on in my head, you’d run… But please don’t; I’m getting tired of trudging through life day after day after day on my own.I just want someone to fucking understand me… To get me. To not think that I’m bat shit crazy. To see the beautiful sides of my mental illness bullshit and addiction. I swear there are beautiful sides…I’m fiercely loyal, passionate to a fault,…