howdy

so last night I got high and decided to go for a walk. Before I left the house I had ended up holding in my morning tea until I was desperate, and I mean eye watering teeth floating desperate, but used the toilet before leaving. I then walked around my neighborhood for like 2 hours, high listening to Steven Universe lofi and watching the light through the trees and brick. I didn’t have to pee, but I did have a Diet Coke and then a green tea while I was out. I was thirsty.

I was thirsty still when I got home. Two waters added in. Cut to 40 minutes later, I’m fidgeting. I’m feeling it. The drinks. The trickle. The fill. I decide I should go back out and take my bladder for a walk. It’s nighttime now, so I’m a little protected by the dark, but there are still house lights and streetlights and people walking about. My bladder jostles around apprehensively inside me as I walk along the sidewalk, keeping my pace normal, everything’s normal here! I don’t need to pee!

I need to pee.

I pause, cross my legs casually by a tree, take a deep breath. Ok. I’m ok. I don’t need to pee. I start walking again.

Another block and then -

I need to pee.

Pause, casual leg squeeze, deep breath. I. I don’t. Need to pee. I start walking again.

Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat -

I’m walking faster now, my bladder hurrying me along. I continue to deny it. Yes, I’m going home now, yes, but don’t think that means I’ll use the toilet when I’m back. No no, for having to go home before I was done my walk, I don’t get to use the bathroom. I just get to hold it in private now.

I make it home dry, hips wriggling as I lock up. Ok, ok I’m home now. And I still don’t get to pee. I get to just hold it. And hold it. And hold it….

I’m frantic. I’m grappling at my belly, lifting and squeezing and squishing my bladder, my own tickly fingers sending electric shocks through the trembling organ. Urine pinches at the sensitive walls of my bladder and I moan, stripping into nothing, just me and a towel. I stay upright, legs apart. I tell myself to just hold it, it’s just piss you can handle it. It’s just Diet Coke and green tea and water and water-

You know what? Why don’t I go show myself what I’m not allowed to have. I go into the bathroom, and do a fake pee. I’m standing. I’m arching. I’m on the brink. I start tugging myself, flicking my tip with each stroke. I relax. I’m ok. I’m ok, I don’t have to go anymore. I made the feeling go away. I’m ok to leave the bathroom, I don’t need it. I go back to my towel.

A little time passes, I’m reading fics where guys have to hold their piss for a long time, through a whole day at the mall, or out on a hike. I have to hold it just like them. Which I can, now that I don’t feel it as much now - oh. Oh. Oh I read a story where a desperate boy is at the movie theater watching pirates on the ocean, and my bladder surges, my own ocean inside me reminding me STRONGLY that it is still here.

My thighs squish together and I bend into a curtsy as a first drop of pee trickles down to my tip. I grind and groan and breathe until the urge dies down and I can straighten up again. Phew. I held it in.

More time passes and I watch videos of other guys getting to pee, one in a urinal with his stream pitter pattering against the porcelain, another with his dick in a water bottle, filling it up with hot bubbling piss. It’s loud. It’s on loop, incessant relief incessant sound I can’t, I can’t!!

I crumple into myself, jiggling on the spot. I’m desperate! I have to pee now, right now!

Ooooh, but I’m not allowed! I’m not allowed to go! But I have to! I start panicking, thinking about where else I could pee that isn’t the toilet. I quiver into one corner, wishing it was an outdoor wall that I could just gush onto, fat drops of pee spilling out of me -

I’m shaking, my bladder thundering with need. I can’t go here! I can’t pee! I have to hold it! I have to contain myself! I manage to pry myself away from the wall and back to my towel. The videos are still playing, more and more guys getting to pee. Getting to pee in their pants, in the shower, in the toilet... I’m not allowed to pee anywhere. I’m going to explode. I hop from foot to foot, panting. I’m going to pee. I’m gonna loose it. I’m I’m I’m tugging myself again, oh god please don’t let me loose it, I can hold it, I can hold it in. I take a deep breath. I can hold it. I stand back up straight and lift my arms in the air.

Within minutes I’m writhing again, dick trembling as it struggles to contain the pounding river of pee pulsing inside it. Stay standing! Arms up! Don’t give in! Hold it!

I hold it. I collapse to my knees. I knead and shake and rock and moan. It’s too much! It’s too much pee! I can’t take it!! My bladder tingles, making my spine arch, little sparkles tickling up my back and neck. I fall on all fours, trembling.

I can’t hold it! I cry. I can’t hold it anymore. I’m bursting. I have to pee. Oh god I have to pee so badly. I imagine being stuck in this perpetual state of desperation, body strung so tightly I’m seconds away from bursting, nerves on fire. I can’t hold it and spurt for 3 seconds onto the towel.

I mewl and rock back and forth, my body in terrible ecstasy from the effort of stopping the leak. But I stop it, and I calm down. A little came out, that’s fine. It was just a little. And now I can hold the rest!