Hey there, friend.

the "rip ___ you would have loved ___" meme is inherently more fun with ancient characters. rip clytemnestra you would have loved morse code. rip theseus you would have loved the airtag. rip callisto you would have loved wearing shorts.

rip Icarus you would have loved parachutes

vampires are so full of shit. "oh the human race is beneath us, you're just livestock to us" I don't think you know what livestock is. do you feed us? care for us? protect us from predators? no. you just slink around dark alleys and ambush people. that's not what a higher being does. that's a bottom feeder. a parasite. karate punches your head off

She Would Say That. She would DO that.

Reblog if people can use your dms to leave their grocery lists

Sure, I’m nosy

This is killing me

God sometimes I'm writing smut and I'll like, delete a sentence because I'm like, no, I can't write that. It's too indulgent. And then it's like. Girl, what the fuck are you even going to the candy store for if you're just going to buy raisins. Get real.

"what the fuck are you even going to the candy store for if you're just going to buy raisins" is honestly the thing I needed to hear today

has anyone noticed recently that it's expensive

times like these really make you appreciate pouring river water in your socks

Orufrey's situationship being one-sided because olly thinks this is just what having a super-turbo-best-friend is like. Qifrey has had to study human behavior from the ground up so he is constantly studying his own reactions to people but olly thinks this is just what its like having a pretty pal. Hiehart only furthers his perception that friends are just Like That. This remains the case until one day tetia informs him that actually ur not supposed to always be a little down to marry ur best friend (she had to have the same conversation with agott a few weeks ago)

"whats your 5 year plan?" buddy I nearly go insane thinking about what I should have for dinner

I’m the first and last person in my bloodline with a tumblr blog

proud victim of the tumblr accent. it's fading out of public consciousness as the tik tok accent takes precedence; a linguistic evolution that makes the tumblr accent 85% funnier to unsuspecting civilians. it's like releasing a disease on a non-inoculated population. coughing baby versus hydrogen bomb.

because of this tiktok, i frequently murmur "very beautiful, very powerful" at myself, and i cannot recommend it enough.

[ID: a banner with a photo of a hand holding a lumpfish beside text reading "this user is very beautiful. Very powerful." End ID.]

genuinely i don’t think it’s possible to easily explain the explicit part of online friendships to people who don’t Understand. i don’t mean like, explicit in the sense of “oh you’re sexting” or whatever. no. i mean when you and your friend start gleefully making up explicit sexual scenarios for your shared blorbos and you get giddier and giddier as you add more detail and you’ll be grinning at your screen as you type away at mach speeds. and it’s entirely nonsexual in an interpersonal sense, you’re not really getting Into it, but ohhhhh it’s soooooo fun and satisfying. and you can NEVER tell someone who doesn’t also do this that your mood is actively improved like fivefold because you and your friend played Sexual Tuoys together because they’ll go “what the FUCK.”