Puppet History: History Contingency Tapes - "The Long History of Failed Flight Attempts"
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
trying on a metaphor
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

Janaina Medeiros
hello vonnie
todays bird

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Cosimo Galluzzi
taylor price


⁂

Discoholic 🪩
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
macklin celebrini has autism
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Sweet Seals For You, Always
will byers stan first human second
RMH

Origami Around

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@kangkorandkoloth
Puppet History: History Contingency Tapes - "The Long History of Failed Flight Attempts"

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now i can finally play as a vampire: the masquerade character in a tabletop roleplaying game
Yes I know you mistrust the banks, milord, and I don't blame you, but their Vault Wizards are specially trained to prevent dragons from detecting large amounts of gold. I cannot emphasize enough that it's a full-time job employing multiple specialists, I'm not trying to be humble here but it's not something that just the court magician and I can set up a couple wards for on the weekends and call it good.
It's, it's just that dragons are the primordial embodiment of avarice wrought into fire and flesh. They are truly, supernaturally good at finding large amounts of valuables, that's why the big mines hire those Dragon Scouts to go sniff out their lairs and mark them on the maps as potential mining ventures. You know, in case someone slays the relevant dragon. Which doesn't happen often because, milord, they are simply not that easily slain.
No I know you've hired many knights, blooded warriors and true. Yes, I was there when you gave the ten most impressive ones their special sashes. Very grand, very high honors, of course. Ehm. It's just, none of them have ever actually faced a dragon. Yes no I know Sir Edbert says he did but Sir Edbert is rather notoriously prone to exaggerated and tragically unverifiable tales---
Well no milord of course I would not doubt the word of a sworn knight. Perhaps his sobriety, but not his word, as such.
The point is that the grand treasury, while surely grand and a very special notion, is just... it is mayhaps not the ideal way of handling the realm's finances? Perhaps a series of smaller vaults, capped well below the dangerous wealth threshold at which gold is known to whet the appetite of colossal winged harbingers of death, in different corners of the realms or...?
No, I, yes well I do realize that will impede anyone's interests in coming into the vault to hurl around the gold coins and go "whee, I'm so rich!" I am aware of its deficiencies as a plan in that regard. No, I see I've misjudged a few things.
Actually, thinking on it, milord, I truly believe what you need is a fresh set of skilled wizards on this job. The court magician and I, we cannot keep up with your visionary thinking. We're too old-fashioned. But the wizards revolutionizing the eldritch academies seem to be more on this sort of level. I hear they've made some truly remarkable choices in terms of outsourcing all of their spellwork to the Ever-Whispering Void, such that it takes mere minutes for them to set up an entire defensive array. That's just the sort of innovative thinking you require.
Though it will grieve the court magician and I to leave your service, perhaps this is a sign that retirement is overdue. So I'll just... be moving further away from the big pile of gold... in the opulent, dome-shaped building with the crystal skylight... best wishes.
Shoutout to my favorite genre of TOS episode:
Gracie the giraffe is described as having rounded ears. She went missing from a ranch in Real County.
im crying dude
Yeehaw yall. Gracie is on the run.
To answer some common questions in the tags:
1. How do you lose a Giraffe? She apparently scaled a cliff that served as part of the enclosure (which the other giraffes in the herd had shown no interest in climbing.)
2. Well it should be easier to find her, she's a whole ass giraffe? Yeah, you'd think, but Texas ranches are fuckin huge. The man has apparently hired a helicopter and several drones to aide the search, but no luck yet. She's been seen on some game cameras on the nearby ranches though. But she's sneaky.
3. Why does a random guy in Texas have a herd of giraffes? Because it's Texas and we have basically no exotic animal regulations. No really. If you have enough land out in the hill country, you can just own stuff. It's fuckin nuts.

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Another one for "objectively funny crimes should not be punished"
TREMORS 4: THE LEGEND BEGINS 2004・dir. S.S. Wilson
Wizard beware I guess
Do you think Jesus ever got many carpenter requests after he started preaching? Like did anyone ever go up to him and be like; "My Lord! My Lord!" And the disciples are all: "The Master won't do anymore miracles today." But obviously Jesus is like; "Yes, my child?" And they just ask what his basic rate is to fix their door.
No one talks enough about the fact that Jesus had a day job.
He repaired the relationship between humanity and god, he also repaired the table in his friend Mary's house cuz it wobbled too much.
“Jesus!”
“How can I help you my child?”
“So the Chair I got from you and your dad is great, but I tripped over it and it broke, I was hoping you could fix it?”
“Go home and be at peace, your chair is fixed.”
“Lord, did you really just use a miracle to fix his chair?”
“Luke my son, it was still under warranty.”
“honey that guy who made our table got crucified”
i am totally here for these Bonkers But Technically Canon Compliant religion posts
Never have I seen the perfect application of two memes back to back so that both can stand without any alteration but the lack of words itself. This is a work of art. I would call this meme poetry.
may I add a K. H. Borovský with a. um. wasp nest

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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thank you youtube that's a real assortment of words you've put in front of me
One punch man
THE FLOURISH AND SHEATHE
As a professional swordsman should
The Elder Scrolls inspired recipes: part 1
bee
Ingredients:
bee
Recipe:
eat
“No one is coming to save you.” I disagree ! I believe many people made up of many small moments come to save pieces of you , even if just briefly. The mentor who believed in you . The friend who said they’re proud of you. The family member that makes you laugh . The random person who held the door for you out of nothing but kindness. The teacher who took extra time to help you understand. The person who smiled at you when you walked into a store. The little kid who looks up to you. The person who randomly complimented you. Being “saved” isn’t about being whisked away and all your hardships gone, it’s about the people and things that remind you life is not all hardships, it is kindness, love, gentleness, softness, care, thoughtfulness. It is many moments made up of your lifetime that keeps you going and showing you the world is still beautiful, and will always be. Despite.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I just remembered that this was a thing that was HILARIOUS in 2006 and apparently that was ten years ago now.
Old people: join with me in remembering how funny we found this on LiveJournal.
Young people: look at this lolrus, it’s so happy, it has a bucket.
And then they stealed away the bucket and we realised we had fucked up a perfectly good elephant seal and given it anxiety.
listen this vintage meme is high quality and i will hear nothing said against it
20 years. I am not happy about this.
I’m delighted at the bucket reappearing but dismayed at the passage of time
Happy 20 years to Lolrus and his bucket!
Sir Gawain and the Green Knight by Julek Heller