Catch-all fanblog. Currently posting about Heated Rivalry, 911, Bridgerton, Suits, Stranger Things, Marvel, Lucifer and Merlin — among other ships. Header credit: The lovely, @evaneddie
Ik Shane is canonically Cosmo’s hottest man in the league and in fanon he is widely agreed to be the most attractive player by other players and fans alike. But I think Shane loses his mind a little bit over this. Like he’s by no means insecure about his looks and knows he’s attractive. But he is baffled that Ilya is not viewed as the most attractive player. He is happy to use it as chirping material against Ilya but the longer it goes on, the more ?????? he becomes.
Like this is a man who Shane gets hard from just looking at him showering or playing hockey or existing. He’s like okay so we have a Greek statue come to life and we are going to pretend he isn’t the hottest man alive. Okay. Am I being pranked? Is this a joke? Have you seen his ass? What is wrong with you people?!
I think once they are out and married, and Shane is once again voted hottest man in the league (or specifically hotter than Ilya), he crashes out about it online. He’s saying the vote was rigged and he’s telling people (who are complimenting him) to delete their account. He’s replying to his most vocal supporters, “but have you considered this” with the gif of ilya winking. He’s calling for a recount. And everyone is like wait… is Shane Hollander, most competitive man alive, mad that he won something?
Little do they know that he is competing with Ilya for who has the sexiest husband and the world is sabotaging him for some reason wtf
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Thinking about a scenario where Marleau goes to all stars instead of Ilya because Ilya is injured and he ends up hanging out with Shane all weekend and they actually hit it off? Shane is nervous because he knows Marly is Ilya's bro and he doesn't want to embarrass himself in front of him. Marleau is sticking with Shane because he's a bit in awe of playing on the same team as The Shane Hollander. Eventually Shane starts letting out his bitchy one liners under his breath and Marleau is eating it up. By the end of the weekend they are a chirping machine. Marleau is teeing Shane up and Shane is landing the most devastating insults.
Marleau comes back to Boston and is like man Roz you would love Hollander if you could get past the rivalry and Ilya is just staring wide eyed at him. Marly is going off about how funny Shane is and talking up his hockey iq. Ilya is just like ha ha. Yes. If only I didn't hate his guts... meanwhile he's furiously texting "Jane" "Marleau is my friend. You can't have him"
i still think shane had a lot of self-control for staying so composed at ilya when he said "i could marry svetlana". he is an infinitely better person than me because i would've thrown my fucking phone at his head without caring about what he might have to say after that sentence.
Hollanov is the perfect example of the ‘my parents believe I’m a failure’ vs ‘my parents believe I’m the most especial person in the world’ damage and how they are similar and so different at the same time.
Both need to be the best, both believe failure is unacceptable and makes them less lovable, both built their lives around proving their parents right/wrong.
But Ilya’s damage is ‘if I don’t give people around me a reason to love me, they won’t’ so he engineers tunamelt to prove to Shane he is worth sticking around for and doesn’t blink while sacrificing his career so they can be closer by. And of course refuses to share anything remotely negative because that’s not who he is, he’s the fun guy! He will not be a burden, he promises. (But also why is Shane not meeting his mom in his dream? Why doesn’t he realize that Ilya is suffering for them? Sure, Ilya is hiding it but Shane should notice and see that Ilya would do anything for him and maybe even reward him by doing this specific things that Ilya would never ask him directly to do).
Meanwhile Shane has built his identity around ‘I cannot disapoint anyone ever’ and thus has to protect his career and fix what was broken with his team and ‘no, nothing is wrong I’m handling it’ while silently (and not so silently) wondering how Ilya can stand to play with the centaurs because they are loving and all but they lose. And Shane Hollander is not allowed to lose even if his team makes him miserable. He’s humble, he’s loyal, he’s dependable, and he will get the room back dammit! (And won’t allow Ilya to lose the room, coming out did not work out, and Ilya already lost a team, let’s keep him from losing another. The closet was uncomfortable sure but it was safe and it didn’t mess with his game).
The long game is facinating because they are both trying to protect each other but coming from completely different angles and hurting each other (and especialy themselves) more. There’s no bad guy here, just a shitty situation and two people that should communicate but would rather set themselves on fire.
Years later, Marleau is visiting Ilya and in the evening he witnesses Shane putting on his glasses to read while Ilya and Cliff are playing a video game.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Me stepping out of the optometry office after slamming four lokos with the doctor and immediately meeting the love of my life (but I have social anxiety)
They’re going through Yuna and David’s movie collection when Ilya comes across a VHS with ‘Shane - Bell Center 1994’ written on the sleeve and insists they watch it.
Shane isn’t super into the idea. “My parents don’t have a VHS player.”
“Is literally right beside your knee, Hollander.”
“Well, it’s boring! Why do you want to see a dumb recording of me as a kid anyway?”
“Because it’s adorable?” Ilya says incredulously. “And you are adorable?”
“Oh, I forgot we had that!” Yuna exclaims, coming to sit on the couch with her glass of wine. “God, I miss those days. Shane was the cutest timbit.”
Timbit, Ilya mouths to himself, his fingers curling around the tape. This is Shane as a timbit? In all his tiny little hockey gear at the Bell Center? Ilya needs to see it. “Shane.”
Shane looks at him and sighs.
They put the tape in.
Ilya almost dies as the grainy screen resolves itself into an MC and a tiny Shane, dressed in his hockey gear. His helmet is crooked on his head, his stick tap tap tapping against it as he stares at the interviewer, determined. His cheeks are big and round and pink from the cold of the ice, and though Ilya cannot make out his freckles, he knows from pictures that they’re there. The MC crouches down and a packed Bell Center is visible behind them.
“And here we have number 24, Shane Hollander!” The MC says in heavily accented English. “Let’s give him a round of applause. Shane, how are you feeling tonight, are you excited to be here?”
“Um. Yes.”
“And how old are you, Shane?”
Little Shane closes his eyes for a moment, taking a big, deep breath before reciting: “My name is Shane Hollander and I’m a hockey player. I am three years old and I go to Glebe Co-operative Nursery School in Ottawa and my mommy and daddy are Yuna and David. And I’m three.”
The MC laughs a little. “That’s a great introduction, Shane, thank you. Do you have anyone here with you tonight, cheering you on in the audience?”
Shane’s eyes open, but he doesn’t break out into a toothy grin. No, instead, Shane—serious, no-nonsense Shane—nods and leans in to the microphone like he’s giving a post-game interview. “Yes, my mommy and my daddy.”
“And are they big Metros fans?”
“Yes.”
“What about you?”
“Yes, too. They’re gonna go all the way this year. They have all the pieces for a winning team.”
“That’s what we love to hear, Shane, we agree and we love the confidence. Can we expect to see you on the ice someday? Do you want to be a hockey player when you grow up?”
“Yes, I’m a hockey player.”
“Do you want to play for Montreal?”
“Yes.”
“Can we get some encouragement for the team from you, Shane? Maybe a Go Metros Go?”
This, Shane takes extremely seriously. Ilya watches him nod with all the solemnity of a general going to war, and then releases his own tiny, passionate battle cry: “Go Metros Go!”
“Shane Hollander, everyone, let’s give him another round of applause!”
Ilya watches Shane stick out his little hand and the MC laugh a little as he shakes it, before tiny Shane toddles back to his parents on his skates. The mic picks up, Mommy can I skate again nowww? before the tape stops.
Ilya is going to fucking die. He already feels as if his heart is too big for his body, his fingers pressing into his knees to keep from grabbing Shane and doing—something to him. Kissing him or hugging him or fucking. Eating him. Consuming him. Crawling inside of him.
Shane is curled up beside the couch with his hands covering his face in embarrassment and Ilya is sitting less than a meter from him, dying of retroactive cuteness.
“You were so pissed when we told you that your turn to skate was done,” Yuna murmurs fondly. “Full meltdown.”
“Yeah, I remember,” Shane mutters, shaking his head in his hands. “JP made fun of me.”
Yuna scoffs. “JP was copying his parents, because they were pissed that you were better than him. And that we were out of towners but got the interview.” She raises a brow. “And now look: you’re a professional hockey player and JP is probably working at some office back in Trois Rivières and hates his life.”
“Mom, seriously?”
“What?” Yuna asks, getting up and heading towards the kitchen. “His parents were assholes. They made an asshole. I won’t apologize for that.”
Ilya takes the opportunity to crawl closer, slinging an arm around Shane’s back. He presses one kiss, then two, then three to Shane’s cheek. “Shane,” he breathes.
“Mm?”
“You were cutest fucking tiny hockey player in the entire world.”
Ilya feels Shane’s blush against his mouth. He kisses it again. “Fuck off,” Shane mutters, cuddling into him. He turns to press a soft, barely there kind of kiss to the corner of Ilya’s lips, burying his pink, hot face into his neck. “I was too serious. They called me a robot and did that stupid dance at me.”
“Well, they’re idiots. Hockey is serious, so you are serious, and they were probably ugly.”
“Ilya,” Shane laughs. Ilya feels his huffed breath in the juncture of his own neck and grins, thumb moving up to caress the small hairs at his nape.
They’re still too far away.
Ilya shifts, immediately attacking Shane’s face with kisses the minute he becomes visible. Shane laughs, shrieks, says stop even as he pulls Ilya closer, until they’ve toppled over onto the carpet.
Shane pulls back to look him in the eye, chewing his lip. “I think my parents still have some camcorder home videos of me.”
my controversial hollanov take is that the two of them retire at exactly the same time. none of that ilya retires first to take care of the kids bs no sir. they retire at the same time. because both of them are just not interested in playing without the other to push them and the thought of doing long distance for even a week makes them start shaking crying screaming staring into the distance.
There is a photo deep in the Centaurs media reel archives from a community day thing where baby Shane (7) is running away from Chuck the Beaver and being “protected” by the then-Captain of the Centaurs.
Harris finds it while combing through the archives for fun comparisons to the current team.
Instantly posts it with a picture of Ilya pulling Shane away from a fight single handed, and with the photo from Shane and Scott’s post-game fight when he was a Metro.
“It only takes one Ottawa Centaur to keep national treasure Shane Hollander safe. How many Metros does it take to stop gay on gay crime???”
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Shane is spoiled. He knows that, his parents know that, his teachers, teammates, coaches, etc. He’s not blind to it. He would try in highschool but he couldn’t bring himself to care about algebra when his backhand needed work and he was preparing for international championships. Since he was first scouted for top youth teams at 10 and he started his first development camp, he knew he was headed to the NHL. His teachers had no problem passing papers that shouldn’t have passed, or folding to the weight of his mother’s emails when she demanded his homework be excused. Ms. Hammerson used to say, just remember little old us when you’re famous, dear and stamp an A on his lackluster book report. He’s an only child, an athletic prodigy, and the only grandchild on both sides of his family. Since he was 18, he’s been rich. Even before that, his family was comfortably middle class. He’s had twice weekly house cleaners, private nutritionists, prep chefs, personal trainors, agents, personal shoppers, stylists, wealth managers, accountants, his mother acting as conductor to everything, and so many more advantages. He’s used to hearing whatever you need, Shane. Don’t worry about it, Shane. Focus on the game, Shane, don’t worry about this. So yes, Shane is very spoiled. No is not a word he hears very often.
“No.”
They were sitting on his parent’s couch towards the end of their first summer in the cottage. Yuna and David were cooking and Shane was in the middle of watching a hockey game before Ilya, after a sideways glance, plucked up the remote and switched channels.
Shane blinks. “Give me the remote, Ilya.”
“Hm,” Ilya said, who is just as spoiled, but did grow up with an older brother. “Nope.”
“I was watching that game.”
“Is old recording,” Ilya said, flipping through channels without looking over. “It is my turn now.”
“Your turn?” Shane said. “This is my parent’s house. Give it.”
“Your parents house, my turn.”
Shane made to grab the remote and then Ilya did the unthinkable.
He yanked his hand up, away from Shane. “Go away, Hollander, I’m watching Ancient Aliens."
“Ilya.”
“Shane.”
That’s when Shane reached again and Ilya - Ilya flicked him.
“You - you!” And Shane pounced.
“Give me the remote!”
“Nyet!”
“You’re being a child!”
“You are not respecting turns!”
“Turn it back!”
The wrestled - Ilya only had one hand to fight with since the other was holding the remote far away from Shane’s grabby hands. Of course, neither one was using their full strength and Shane’s playful smile betrayed his actions. At one point, he tucked the remote under his chest and curled around it, but that led to Shane rolling them both off the couch. Now on the rug, Shane had just put hands on the edge of the remote when they heard a sharp -
“Boys!”
They both whipped their heads around to see a wide-eyed Yuna taking in the messed up couch, blankets strewn around, cushions everywhere, her son and his boyfriend tangled together on the rug, Shane's fingers brushing the remote Ilya was holding away from him.
Ilya, having more experience, immediately took the opportunity. “Yuna! Shane is not letting me have turn.”
“Shane,” her eyes zeroed in on Shane and narrowed. “Ilya is our guest.”
“But! Ilya isn’t a guest, he’s my boyfriend.”
“And he’s my guest. Honestly, you two.”
“I will clean pillows, Yuna,” Illya suggested sweetly.
“Thank you, honey.”
“But!”
“It would be nice for you to offer to clean sometimes, Shane,” Yuna uncrossed her arms.
“Yeah, Shane,” Illya smirked and it filled Shane with an unreasonable amount of rage.
“Dinner is almost ready,” Yuna said. “Shane, come help me.”
“But mom!”
Yuna turned to go back into the kitchen, catching her husband’s amused glance.
As Shane trudged into the kitchen, David told Yuna, “we always wondered what two would be like.”
“Mh,” Yuna said quietly as David wrapped an arm around her. “I haven’t seen Shane play like that for a long time.”
Like everything in his life, Shane is very pragmatic about sex.
First it’s planning their meet-ups months ahead. Shane has time to plan his outfit, do a pre-workout, and complete his prep routine. When he’s hosting, the temperature is perfectly set, lights low, fresh towels set out on the counters. When Ilya’s hosting or a hotel, he builds in time to do everything he needs beforehand.
Once they’re married, that changes. Living together means things can be a lot more spontaneous (which he loves) but he also likes to know The Plan™️.
And once they’re married, Shane has no problem asking for what he wants so he can plan out his day and routine. It’s not particularly sexy, but he guesses that’s married life.
“Ilya?”
“Hm?”
“Do you want to eat me out after the Canada match tonight?”
They had both been rooting for Canada at the world cup - Ilya even got them jerseys.
Ilya chokes and Shane frowns at him. “You okay?”
“I - just - what?”
“Well I’m going to do a full shower after my physio session with Amelia - I should be done by the time the Canada game starts. Oh - and I meant to ask if you liked those new frozen meals Lyn brought over. They’re a new brand.”
“I - yes, please Shane if I ever don’t want to eat you out, I have been replaced by aliens.”
“Okay, cool. And the meals?”
“Gross,” Ilya said. “But normal gross.”
~*~*~*~
“Ilya?”
“What?”
“Can we fuck on the couch tonight? With the fire going?”
Ilya grit his teeth and for a second Shane thought he would say no.
“Of course.”
“Maybe around 8? I bought 2 hour logs and the fire needs to be completely out by bedtime.”
“Okay.”
~*~*~*~
“Ilya!”
“Shane?”
“Look at your messages! I want to try that position. Maybe after we get back from our afternoon skate?”
~*~*~*~
“Ilya?” Shane asked through his cars bluetooth. Ilya was cooking and keeping him company on the phone as he drove back from an optometrist appointment. Much to his husband’s (fake) disappointment, his slight nearsightedness still didn’t need glasses for anything besides reading comfortably.
“Hm?”
“Did my package get delivered?”
“A package did. I put it on side table for you.”
“Can you go ahead and open it? I wasn’t sure what size to get so I got a few options. I want to try them this weekend - maybe Saturday? If they don’t fit, I’ll need to do another order tonight for 3 day shipping.”
He heard Ilya take a deep breath. He hated to give him another thing to do on top of making dinner, but he wanted to make sure they had the right sizes before they wanted to use them.
~*~*~*~
“Hey Ilya?” Shane said quietly, so the other people at the stuffy fundraiser couldn’t hear.
“Yes?” Ilya, his hand coming up to run through the back of Shane’s hair.
“I’m exhausted. Can we do shower blowjobs when we get home tonight?”
Ilya hand stuttered in his hair. Shane hated to disappoint him but he was too tired for his prep routine, his post routine, and cleaning the sheets. Or even getting up for Ilya to do it. Shower blowjobs had excellent clean up time and he could fall right into bed afterwards.
“That sounds perfect,” Ilya said, a little roughly.
~*~*~*~
Shane was going to kill him. Murder him. Like a sniper - out of the blue, at any given moment, Shane might call out to him all softly and then ask for hottest sex imaginable (all sex with Shane) AND THEN plan it for later, leaving Ilya incredibly worked up.
The worst part was Shane did not even know he did this to him - for Shane, it was just planning - run at 6, breakfast at 8:15, workout at 8:30, shower at 10, fuck husband at 10:45, off ice training at 12:15, etc. It drove Ilya insane.
But Ilya didn’t want to mess it up by acting on the extreme horniness he felt every time his husband causally planned out mind blowing sex. He knew routine was good for Shane’s brain and it would mess the routine up if Shane asked to pencil in a blowjob at 3:15pm and Ilya dropped to his knees right then. So he had to wait and wait until the clocked ticked down for their scheduled appointment. He loved it.
Some things that the Centaurs hear while sharing a locker room/hotel/bus/plane with Hollonov that blast open their communal third eye with regards to what Shane and Ilya have going on:
- "Show it to me. I know you got hit, show me. Mm. Is very painful? Mm. You on your side tonight, I think."
- "No, my baby, you'll come to Monk's. Drink two beers, talk to people who are not me. Mm, no, not Troy either. He is basically shorter you."
- "...just a little longer, I think, and then maybe a trim, just so is not in your eyes when you skate--"
- "Ah, no, he doesn't like drinking his coffee black. Oat milk, two sugars. I know what he does but is not what he likes. What, Shane, do I lie?"
- "Give me number. Ah-ah. One higher, I think. I know you like even numbers, baby."
- "Ask nicely."
- "...and then I take you home and--fuck off, Dykstra, I am coming onto my husband. You never heard of flirting? We are in the back of bus, it was private until you came back here--"
- "Here, made you tea. Something special in it for you."
- "...lunch from that Greek place? Nice. Okay, Shane will have--"
- "...thin walls, huh? Bet they can hear you. Let them hear you. Say my name. Yes, baby, fuck. Louder."
ok. not to be a freak on main. but I keep seeing posts that suggest somehow Shane “I thought about my options extensively before determining the most reasonable way to have sex with men was to continue hooking up with my rival” Hollander is somehow the one who’s oblivious to the fact that there are existing words and terms for various sex acts? Shane Hollander? Mr. I’ve Planned Out My Sex Life To The Point Of Buying Real Estate For It? That Shane Hollander? If anyone has done their research it is Yuna and Dave Hollander’s only son. If the centaurs ever end up playing never have I ever, it’s Ilya who’s asking “what’s that” and “can someone please explain” and Shane who’s saying, “just drink” before downing his own shot.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
A pretty good day with Shane Hollander on the Ottawa Centaurs: he's slapping your back and telling you you'll get 'em next time (the form is there, you just gotta get the reps in), he's complimenting your stick taping technique, he's giving you specific feedback on what you did well so you can replicate it, he's punching the air when you score a goal, he's saying "Fuck that was pretty, fuck yes, that's hockey, boys," he's having one to two (1-2) Molsons in the bottle out at Monks later, he's walking around with his arm around Rozanov's waist and gesturing wildly while he gushes about the power play, he's slapping the table and saying "this is what I'm SAYING" when you make a good point about Philadelphia's defense, and most importantly he's on cloud nine, practically snarling and shaking Rozanov's shoulder and saying crazy shit like— "We're going to the playoffs baby, we're going all the way. Don't give me that superstitious crap, this team can get it!"
