“is there anything so undoing as a daughter”

-ancient roman posca: water, red or white wine vinegar, honey, salt, herbs (coriander, mint, thyme)

-switchel: water, ginger, vinegar, sweetener, lemon, salt

-ayran: yogurt, water, salt, mint

-sees the reports of the heatwave in Europe-

Because Shane's eyes sometimes get shiny but he never actually lets the tears fall. Even when he's overcome with emotion, this is still something he keeps tight control over, just another extension of the mastery he constantly practices over his body.

Except one day they're in an argument and it gets pretty nasty. They're both crossing the line and being so fucking mean, and then Ilya says something that hits Shane so hard that the tears just start immediately spilling over. Shane turns away, wiping his eyes, angry now at himself for letting this happen. For letting himself lose control like this.

And Ilya is instantly not mad anymore. He's shocked and miserable and most of all guilty because he just made Shane cry. Shane, who he's never seen shed a single tear. What kind of a monster does that??

Shane can't see how hard this hit him because he's still turned away but then Ilya is meekly asking him to please, let me hold you, I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry. And the lingering hurt in Shane's chest is mostly replaced by surprise because this isn't how their fights go, usually they just snipe at each other until they feel like having sex about it instead.

I think with Shane and Ilya's marriage it's this dual consciousness thing where everyone knows they're married, obviously, it was a huge deal. But it's like a quantum marriage, unless you're looking directly at it it's just not perceived. Rookies and trades are completely taken aback the first time they see Shane and Ilya snuggle together at the bar after a game, or kiss, or head off to their shared room. It's like oh right. Right. They're married. Obviously they would---right. Sure. We all saw the kiss. I guess. I kinda tried to forget about that.

In general I think no one upon no one wants to imagine two of hockey's greats being sincerely attracted to another man. That's like---fucking embarrassing. These are the guys you idolized most in the entire world, and now...? The cognitive dissonance is too much, so most just ignore it. Shane and Ilya are constantly having to remind people that they are in fact each other's husbands. They're going to All-Stars and some assistant keeps calling Shane up to ask if he wants event tickets for his partner or family and finally he's like "my husband already has an event ticket he's playing in the goddamn game."

Now I do think the Cens team, org, and home media are pretty good about it, they know Ilya and Shane personally and they've had a long time to wrap their heads around the idea that they're together. So they talk about it normally and causally. I think the Cens home announcers in particular love to drop marriage tea they manage to get from Shane and Ilya in the hallways and such. Stuff like "You know Ryan, I asked Shane this last week....he told me he can't carpool with Rozanov anymore because their music tastes are too different [cue for cheesy announcer laughter]"

2015

The final playoff round goes to seven games. The Metros flew through to the conference finals, an unstoppable force, but the Drillers have been giving them a run for their money.

The last game takes place in Montreal, making their odds better. Making the possibility of a loss even harder to bear.

Shane's not dwelling on it, though. His mind feels razor sharp. A kind of calm descended over him in their first game against the Drillers that has yet to lift. He knows what he has to do to win, and knows he's capable of it, too. Knows his team is capable.

The night before the last game, Brian calls.

"I'll be there," he tells Shane as soon as he picks up. "I didn't want to get your hopes up, but I just secured a ticket."

Shane's heart stutters, the tiniest inkling of nerves penetrating through his cloud of zen. "You did?"

"Some guys at the office helped me out," Brian says. "We're going as a group. These tickets are ridiculously expensive, by the way."

"It's the Stanley Cup Finals," Shane reminds him, baffled. "And I could have gotten you a ticket if you wanted."

"I didn't wanna add to your plate."

"Right." It still doesn't sit right with Shane but this is the last thing he needs to put his mental energy into. Though he can't help but ask, "Your coworkers know you don't like hockey, right? They don't think it's weird you want to go?"

Brian makes a dismissive sound. "Our boss is a really big Metros fan, they think I'm doing this as a networking opportunity."

"Right," Shane repeats. "You know I won't be able to say hi or anything."

"Of course. This isn't the first time I've been to one of your games."

It's the first time since my rookie season.

"I just want to support you," Brian adds.

"Right," Shane says a third time. His brain feels fried; this is as close to a non-hockey related conversation as he's had since the last time he saw Brian. "Good, that's - I'm glad."

Brian snorts. "Are you? You don't sound so sure."

"No, of course I am." Shane runs his hand over his face. "I'm just tired."

"Rest up then, babe. I want to see you lift that cup."

They say their goodbyes and hang up. Shane stares at the phone for a long while after the screen goes dark, then pockets it and mentally shelves the conversation.

He's not gonna lose focus now. Not with the cup so close, he can taste it.

It's All Stars and a camera catches them sitting together on the bench during the skills competition, leaning in and whispering to each other, clearly trying to be sneaky. They're both kind of smiling, looking like they're trying not to laugh. Then Ilya says something that makes Shane crack up and have to hide his face while he's trying to pull himself together. This moment gets giffed and everyone is dying to know what made the famously cool and collected Shane Hollander laugh like that.