Reality Vs The Made Up World In Our Heads!

Another day, another salacious story about STDs. But — silver lining — it’s also another chance to talk about STDs using FACTS and COMPASSION. Imagine that!

Okay, so. According to an excerpt from a behind-the-scenes book about The Bachelor, the main reason contestants are rejected from America’s #1 super-prestigious matchmaking franchise is because they test positive for an STD. Specifically…herpes (*DUN DUN DUNNNNN*).

Sigh.

Of course, this li’l tidbit is whipping its way around the web because it appeals to our culture’s totally unhealthy obsession with stigmatizing sex and STDs, and various Internet Persons are acting like it’s a completely wild and scandalous revelation. But it really shouldn’t be…because a metric f*kton of people have herpes.

The fact that an overwhelming number of Bachelor hopefuls test positive for herpes should be the least surprising news ever. It’s an incredibly common skin condition! According to the WHO an estimated 67% of people under 50 worldwide have HSV-1, the virus that usually causes oral herpes (aka cold sores) but can also infect genitals. And the CDC estimates that more than 24 million people in the US are living with HSV-2, the virus that usually causes genital herpes. For comparison, that’s more than 4 times the number of people who watched the season premier of The Bachelor (5.45 million people). So it’s almost like genital herpes is way more popular than reality TV. Hey man, that’s just math.

It also makes perfect sense that a lot of Bachelor contestants apparently didn’t realize they had herpes — most people who have herpes don’t know it. Many don’t get or notice sores or any other symptoms. And according to the CDC, around 87% of people with HSV-2 haven’t been diagnosed by a doctor.

It’s pretty bananas that a few herpes diagnoses in the production of a reality TV show can make headline news when the majority of the world’s population is living with oral or genital herpes. It’s just a skin condition, but then again, our culture has an unfortunate habit of stigmatizing certain relatively harmless infections just because you can get them from sex.

The reality is, herpes happens. A lot. Anybody who’s ever been smooched or had any kind of sexual contact can get herpes — that’s almost all y’all. And honestly? It’s usually not that big a deal. Really, it isn’t. While the virus technically stays in your body for life, herpes isn’t deadly, it rarely causes serious health problems, and it’s totally treatable. Many people with herpes never get sores, and others only have one or a couple outbreaks over the course of their lifetimes. People who do get outbreaks more frequently can manage them with medicine. And medicine can help prevent someone from giving herpes to their partners. People with herpes can have sex, be in relationships, and live totally normal lives. In fact, most say the worst part of having herpes is dealing with other people’s judgment and misconceptions. (And, I guess, not getting to be on The Bachelor.)

Shame and stigma aren’t effective prevention methods. They’re actively harmful to people already living with STDs. And they actually make it harder for people to get tested, insist on using protection, and talk honestly with their partners — you know, the things that will actually help prevent infections. So the next time you hear someone getting all frothed up about STDs, or using herpes as a totally clever and original punchline, consider joining the Team Public Health Anti-Stigma Task Force (not the most catchy name but we wear capes!). Let them know the real facts about herpes: billions of people have it (including ones you probably know and love), it’s not the end of the world, and making cruel jokes about people with herpes is super uncool.

To learn more about herpes, check out plannedparenthood.org.

When I was first diagnosed, getting rejected within the dating process was my absolute worst fear. I thought that I would NEVER be able to over come that fear. Meeting someone new should be exciting, but for positives, it’s almost a worst nightmare come to life.

Recently, I have gotten over that fear. My thought process on dating has completely changed. I’ve now had situations such as relationships, hookups, and just friendships that haven’t been totally scared away and it’s opened my eyes to really understand how LITTLE and IRRELEVANT herpes really is.

Obviously I will still get a little nervous the next time I disclose, but if they think that it’s a deal breaker, then they wouldn’t be able to handle much harder things that come along in the future. It’s a nice little weed out tool to see who actually wants to stick around and wants to be with me.

I have a feeling I’m about to disclose to someone soon, and although I’m nervous, it’s a different kind of nervous compared to the first time. It’s more of a “rejection could happen” compared to “if he rejects me my entire life is over” sort of feeling.

I’m learning that dating gets easier as time goes on just like every aspect of life. It’s kind of just a part of me at this point. I don’t really even think about it and I forget that it’s a problem sometimes.

i have herpes. - i loved you before, i still love you now.

i have herpes. you’re gorgeous.

i have herpes. - okay, got a condom?

i have herpes. - if we use condoms we’re cool yeah?

i have herpes. - oh! dude, don’t even worry. i do too!

i have herpes. - my ex of two years had it too, i don’t care.

i have herpes. - are you having a breakout right now? no? lets fuck.