"i don't know, maybe because you're twenty-nine and not seventy-nine? get a grip, it's one evening and you can leave early if you want," you swat her hand away as she reaches across for a piece of your pancake mid-sentence. "besides, when's the last time you socialised, met knew people, left your house for an extended period of time?"

"well, i have a job, so that's a daily excursion," you pull your plate very close to you, right at the edge of the table and out of her reach. then you slide her a menu and try not to sound clipped. "and i meet new people all the time. i literally met someone new this morning-"

"your dogs running up to strangers in the street for attention is not meeting new people," sana scans the menu, eyes glued to the laminated paper while she mutters. "if it wasn't for your dogs i'm not even sure i'd be friends with you."

"very funny," you say, chewing around a large and final bite of pancake. you do the maths quickly - you wouldn't have to wash your hair because it aligns with your wash routine, your moustache hairs were waxed yesterday, you had no plans for sunday, and your parents had the dogs this weekend. there were really no excuses, and there would probably be food, so after a minute or two you say, "i'll think about it."

"thank you, thank you!" sana beams, rounding the little table to hug you against your will. her bracelets and pointy rings dig into your skin so you complain a bit, but she holds on tight, so neither of you hear door of the cafe swing open beside you.

"hey sana," someone says behind her, "i was just walking by, i didn't know you hung out in this area?"

sana whirls round, arm still hooked around your neck so her ponytail whips you in the face. you can't see her expression, but you hear the almost undetectable murmur through her pretty, smiling mouth. "that's him! the birthday party guy!"

"jimin!" now she's gripping your shoulders like a tense parent at a teacher's meeting and you're not sure how much more manhandling you could take. "fancy seeing you here! are you excited for your birthday on saturday? i'm bringing along my friend here, ___!"

"hi," you raise a palm with a smile. "jimin, is it? i don't believe we've met."

jimin - who was seconds ago smiling at sana - is no longer smiling when he looks at you. in fact, you notice how he scans you up and down and pushes down the flicker of distaste over his face. he smooths it into something more polite before throwing out a flat, "hello."

there's a very awkward silence that sana has to break by rumaging in her obscenely massive bag for her purse. "jimin, why don't you let ___ know the address for saturday while i order, i'll be two seconds!"

now sana was gone, thirty seconds had passed, and no one had said anything. jimin looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here, talking to you or in your vicinity at all, but you give him the benefit of the doubt because you are a good person deep down. maybe he was sick, maybe he stepped in shit on the way here, who knows.

"so," you sit on your hands and try to look relaxed. "turning thirty i assume? so many of those this year. i think i've been to taehyung's before so i think i have the address in my car's sat nav alrea-"

"please," he snaps, stern expression locking you into his gaze. "do not come to my birthday party."

"um," your mouth is hanging open. "what?"

"if you turn up i'll call the police." he says evenly. you wait for him to crack a smile, but he's still staring at you with complete seriousness and maybe also gritted teeth. you wait a minute or so for good measure, for him to say he's joking, anything. he doesn't.

"i'm sorry, what?" you are now, for some reason, standing up. he's only a bit taller than you but his presence is threatening. your adrenaline-fueled anger and exasperation do not register this.

"you should be sorry," he hisses, before his face magically transforms into a colgate advert of charming teeth and creased eyes when sana saunters back towards you both.

livid, you step forward to jerk him back to ask why the fuck he wants you arrested for no reason, but he is already encasing sana in a friendly hug and bidding his goodbyes.

"it's going to rain on saturday so make sure you bring a good jacket," he says, patting her shoulders. "we're ordering pizzas around eight so don't turn up too late, i know what you're like!"

"oh, jimin," sana giggles, wiggling her fingers at him and completely missing the way ignores you and heads out the order without even ordering a fucking glance your way. "isn't he such a gentleman, ___? i've only met him a couple times but he's just like those decent men you claim don't exist. i even thought on saturday, maybe you two could-"