JillyFoo's Comics

Izutsumi as a kobold dives into her dumplings and makes them disappear. She is becoming less picky now that she’s part dog. The now tallest member of the party couldn’t taste each individual flavor of the meat as distinctly as when he was a halfling but the savory taste is great regardless. To think the strange mushrooms can change creatures down to the muscles and cells. Chilchuck finishes his meal and feels unsatisfied. Makes sense because a tallman would need to eat a lot more calories than a halfling. At six and a half feet tall he guessed he’s probably three times the weight he was as a halfling. There’s no point worrying about gaining weight and springing traps cause he’s obviously way too heavy already as a tallman. He asks for seconds. The party stops briefly noticing his act making him feel self conscious. Senshi as an elf looks overjoyed and fills his plate with more dumplings. 

“You have grown so much. Please make sure to eat your fill.” He said in a sweet feminine, yet to Chilchuck, also unnerving voice.

“Hey. I want some too.” Laios protests. Laios as a plump dwarf would probably eat the same amount as his normal tallman form, Chilchuck figured.

“You can have mine. I’m already full.” Marcille, now a tiny halfling, gives her leftovers to Laios. Chilchuck continues to eat, agitated that he is being stared at by everyone in the party. He’s not used to standing out. He sighs. “So as I am now it looks like I can’t do my job properly anymore. Marcille, I am going to have to guide you though disabling step traps as we encounter them.”

Laios buds in. “You’re right Chilchuck. I was thinking that we will have to reassign our roles in the party until we get our normal bodies back. I’m going to teach you some close combat.”

“I can also teach you magic!” Marcille piped in. Damn it, Chilchuck thought. He had hoped they would forget about their last battle debacle.

“Hey, that’s too much at once!” He pointed at Senshi. “You should teach the elf magic!” Senshi drops the pot he was cleaning. The elf’s arms curled into his delicate chest. He stammers.

“You know how I feel about magic. I.. I don’t feel comfortable with it at all. I’m not… you all may have changed, but I’m still the same on the inside.” He pleads to them with tearful, innocent doe eyes. Everyone could not help but leer at him in disbelief. Laios the ever present optimist breaks the silence.

“We are going to have to adapt as best as we can. Let’s for now clean up the dishware and then look over our inventory to see what weapons will work best in our new bodies.”

Not too long after cleaning up, Chilchuck looked over all the weapons in his possession. Throwing knives. That could work, but will run out if they can’t be recovered. Blade knife and bowie knife. He knew Laios would say that because of the aggro his large form will receive in combat, longer blades such as swords would work better. Knives are meant for surprise stabs like Kabru’s attack on Falin as a chimera. Lastly, the bow. He won’t be able to use it. His hand practically enveloped it. It looks like a child’s- Oh hell no! All his adult life he’s been working to not be seen as a kid from the other races! How dare that creep into his head now that he’s been tallman for just a few hours!

“Lights out.” Senshi calls to him from behind. The beastly dwarf turned into a paper thin shadow of himself struggles to drag his ax to him. “Borrow this and protect us.” Senshi gazes up at him like a princess at her champion. A breeze seemed to be coming from somewhere blowing his long black curly locks. Willing to do anything to get out of this awkward moment Chilchuck reluctantly accepts the gift. There’s no way I can fight with this shoddy thing.

Seeing that there was little else to do, Chilchuck undoned Laios’ borrowed armor and settled into his blankets to sleep. Thankfully Izutsumi seems to be bothering someone else tonight. Everything sounds so calm and quiet as he drifts off.

“Chilchuck!”

“Wha!” The tallman startles awake. “Laios… lights out.” Chilchuck growls.

“Oh that’s no problem for me. I can see in the dark now that I’m a dwarf.” Laios laughs obnoxiously.

“Go to bed, Laios!” Marcille calls out from the darkness, obviously annoyed. Laios tones down into a whisper. 

“So I was thinking about what can be used to aid you fight and I remembered that when I started out fighting monsters I used a shield. That should distract the monsters while the rest of us take it down. I recovered my old shield from the floor we first fought the dragon in and I’ll let you have it. I don’t know if we will have much time to practice-”

“I can still hear you, Laios! Shut up and go to sleep already!”

“I’m sorry! Marcille!” Laios sets down his shield next to him. “I will leave this here for you. Everything is going to be fine. We will make it work.”, he reassures Chilchuck in a cheery tone.

A worry seed plants firmly in Chilchuck’s mind. He had very little direct combat experience. Heck Kabru and his party had way more experience than him and how many times did his party find them dead these past few days? It’s gonna be the mimics all over again except Marcille can’t revive anymore cause she’s a halfling. Nothing good will come of this.

The next morning fully geared up Chilchuck holds the ax and the shield up for Laios.

“This ax is meant for two hands.” Chilchuck tries to use any excuse not to take up a new responsibility. Laios comes up to him, handing him his sword.

“Then let’s switch. I’ll take the ax.” Chilchuck hesitates knowing that there is a monster inside the handle to that sword. It had transformed from the changelings too, becoming a kitsch looking skull and bat wings sword. A light emits from the edge of the blade. 

A question emerged in his thoughts, Don’t you want to fight monsters head on too? 

No. I don’t.

On the other side of the camp, Marcille draws a heat spell inscription on the stone floor while Izutsumi and Senshi watch. Izutsumi pokes her head into the spell inscription, sniffing the charcoal lines with her big dog nose.

“Izutsumi move. This is going to get hot.” Little halfling Marcille pushes the giant dog girl away as best she can. She looks up to Senshi. “See I already drew the spell. Elves naturally have a lot of mana. All I need for you to do is tap it here with my staff and channel the energy of fire.”

Senshi glumly takes the staff. 

“Well if it’s to make tea…” He taps it. The lines turn red and fire erupts from it sending sparks everywhere. The three scream out and bolt away.

“What do you think you’re doing!? That was too strong!” Izutsumi yells. Laios attention turns over to them and heads over. While he’s distracted this is a good opportunity to inspect the sword. Chilchuck searched through the gaps in the hilt to find tiny changeling mushrooms growing inside. Disgusting. He will probably need to check his clothing and person to make sure there aren't more of them. For only a moment a gooey creature with snail eyes peeks out at him and sinks back into the sword.

“There you are, you little bastard.” It’s time to get rid of this nonsense before someone gets hurt.  Chilchuck takes out a matchstick and lights under the area where the monster was hidden. The spores burn easily causing the living armor monster to push out in an attempt to escape. The flame causes the slimy surface of the creature to boil. Its eyes dissolve into its body as it cooks. He knew it was just an unintelligent monster, but it seems to curse him as it shrivels up. You’re not immune. Suddenly Chilchuck falls over from being tackled from behind.

“Stop! What are you doing to Kensuke?!” Laios yells. The dwarf seizes back his sword and holds it like a baby. “Kensuke, are you still there? Kensuke!” he cries.

“I’m killing it for your own good! You should have done that ages ago!”

“But he helped us get through the door…” Laios sniffs. Marcille steps in.

“Laios, having that monster around was nagging at me too. You can’t keep it forever.” 

“Listen to your elders, Laios.” Senshi said in support. Thank god the rest of the party understands reason. Laios pauses and lifts the sword up in a moment of introspection. Chilchuck could not confirm if he had fully killed the monster. Laios gets up and addresses him solemnly.

“Understood Mr. Chilchuck, sir. It won’t happen again.”

That’s new. He had never had Laios behave that formally to him. Laios did not give the sword back to him, meaning the bug was probably still alive, but whatever. It’s damaged enough that it won’t be moving or peeking out for the rest of the time they are here.

They continue on to an enclosed castle wall level with multiple passage ways. There’s no monster encounters for several hours. Chilchuck anticipates his lack of senses getting in the way of moving past this level. Everyone feels tired and hungry. Laios suggests everyone to take a break to discuss what to do next.

“Something’s different. We have made no progress since going through the door. What has changed? ” Laios asks.

“I have read about dungeons that are an endless, empty maze instead of environments full of monsters. Maybe the Mad Mage changed his strategy? We got so far down here by eating monsters to sustain us. Something must have happened to scare him enough to change from offense to defense. ” suggests Marcille.

“What a cheap trick. He intends to starve us.” Izutsumi adds.

“That is a shame. I was hoping to see what monsters would be at the lowest level… What are we going to eat-!” Laios eyes widen and he points to Senshi’s head. It had changeling mushrooms growing out of it. The group scrambles away from him. Senshi picks one from the top of his head.

“Check yourselves and put every mushroom you find in the pot. I suppose we will have to make due with this.” he says.

Turned out there were mushrooms growing all over. Inside their bags. Behind their ears. The less than savvy areas the mushrooms were found were burned in the fireplace. Izutsumi rolls on her side inspecting herself in bent poses only a cat-dog beastling can do.

“Gross! Gross! Gross!”, she growls.

Senshi wet down the mushrooms and cut them. He boils the water in a pot, adds dry merman seaweed, salt and the mushrooms. The changeling mushroom miso soup went down good enough, but it was eaten more out of desperation than anything. Laios smiles cheerfully to lighten the situation.

“I should have saved Kensuke for this soup. He could have tasted pretty good with it. I apologize for not stating my intentions sooner.” 

Wanting to clear the air, Chilchuck admits to Laios, “I overstepped my boundaries. I am hired to disable traps and find the quickest, safest passage. Not destroy whatever treasures you find, living or nonliving.” It’s not in my contract to do close combat too unless it's absolutely necessary, but this dungeon dive has had many deviations from the norm. 

“If you did bring that living armor monster back to the surface, what would you have done with it? Have it as a pet?” Marcille smirks.

“Well since everyone thinks living armor is a spell, it would be a huge discovery. I could have put it in a monster scholar laboratory to see how it works and published a paper about it. I’m not good at writing so either you or Farlin would have to proofread and edit.” Laios explains to her. Marcille laughs. 

“The elvin libraries are so huge, I am very confident that living armor monsters are already well documented in their beastaries.”

“I wonder if a dwarf like me can visit this library to see if that’s true?”

You are already addressing yourself as a dwarf… The rest of them thought. 

Laios reads their discomfort and says, “It’s just as well I don’t visit. I like more hands-on work fighting dungeon monsters anyway.” Izutsumi looks down at her bowl full of disapproval. 

“I’m going to find my own food!”, she exclaims as she darts out.

“Izuuuutsuuuumi!” Senshi calls out to her dramatically then sighs. 

“She’ll be back. There’s nothing here.” Chilchuck reassures him. Senshi clears his throat. 

“I have been contemplating our recent stroke of bad luck. I think the dungeon itself has lost interest in us. Dungeons are made to lure people in with whatever wish each individual desires. Did any of you have any desires before becoming a changeling? Has becoming a changeling affected your desire?” Marcille, Laios, and Chilchuck stay silent. “Come now… there must be more to this than merely recovering Falin. Confess!” The beautiful elf Senshi says all this as if he were a terrible actor on a stage. Senshi’s eccentric gestures and tone of voice had been really getting on Chilchuck's nerves. After another moment of uncomfortable silence, Chilchuck speaks up.

“Are you kidding me?! I had no interest in being any taller than I was! I was already paid in advance. All I want is to do my freakin job and go back home to my daughters before they leave me too.” Marcille gasps at the info drop. “Becoming a changeling I don’t even think I can do that. This is all a big inconvenience.” Marcille grabs his shoulder with tears in her eyes. 

“Oh. How can I forget you have a family to go back to!” She sniffs. “Um well I think I do feel different now that I have become a halfling. I can’t do magic anymore or at least anything close to dark magic. Anyway, I was always afraid of my friends and family dying off while I had to live on as a long lived elf, but since halflings have the shortest lifespan I was thinking that maybe I don’t have to worry about it anymore since I would die first.” Laios and Senshi were moved by her words. Chilchuck cringes. He hated it when other races refer to halflings as short lived as if it was some kind of tragedy. 

“I had a desire too.” Laios said confidently. “Being a tallman is boring. I had always wanted to experience being another race or a werewolf or a troll or giant flying beast and have multiple heads…” Everyone’s jaw drops at his confession of wanting to become a monster. Laios blushes and laughs it off. “Since I’m a dwarf I got what I wanted. Now I just need to stop the Mad Mage from controlling my sister. Also… while we are being completely honest… I think Falin looks cool as a chimera. If she wants to stay as she is I wouldn’t mind.”

“Have you lost your mind, Laios?!” Marcille and Chilchuck yell.

“Let him give an explanation.” orders Senshi.

“Once Falin’s mind is back to herself maybe we can use the changeling mushrooms to turn her dragon half into a creature that can live on the surface. Marcille can’t use revive or high level magic as a halfling so if Falin wants to return back to her old body, we will have to find other mages or healers on the surface.”

“Someone you can trust too that won’t turn you into the authorities. Remember Marcille is wanted now for tampering with dark magic. I wouldn’t be surprised if the rest of us will be taken in as accomplices.” Chilchuck notes. Everyone’s mood sours at that prospect. Damn. He’s the worst person in the party for raising morale. “At- at least we know what we’re working with so we can think of a better plan later.” He feels bad he even brought it up.

Settling in for the night, Izutsumi crawls back into their quarters, slurps up the bowl of soup left out for her and rests at the foot of Chilchuck’s rolled out blanket.

“There are black horses out there, but I could not catch them. I hate to admit I need help, but I want you guys to hunt them for me.”

“Horses? That’s… maybe good to hear. Tomorrow Izutsumi. Tomorrow.

The next day. Is it even daytime? The ceilings of the endless stone walls and towers are sealed over. There’s no beginning or end to the labyrinth. The walls morph as soon as it’s out of sight. It was best that everyone stayed together. This was a situation where Chilchuck’s expertise was vital, yet he couldn’t perform to the best of his abilities. His dulled senses couldn’t quite feel the subtle draft indicating a hidden passage nor spot the one brick out of place from a wall indicating a trigger to open a hidden door like he should. 

The mysterious horses were brought up right away. Nobody had seen them. Even with Laios’ ability to see in the dark, he had found no monsters lying in wait in the shadows. He wasn’t even seeing ghosts anymore.

“I didn’t see them. I smelled them. I heard them.” Izutsumi corrects.

“I thought I could hear hooves clattering too,” says Marcille.

“If they are walking that means they are not hippogriffs. But what would these horses graze on here?” wonders Senshi. It seemed like these beasts were incredibly shy if they wouldn’t let themselves be seen. So not very dangerous. The only thing that mattered to the party was how great it would be to eat something that’s not changeling mushrooms. Who knows if eating those things would affect their transformation. It would be quite awful if it was making it last longer or worse permanent.

“Senshi, Izutsumi, and I will keep a lookout for that monster while Chilchuck and Marcille work together to move past this dungeon level.” Laios orders.

“But I wanted to help find that monster too.” Marcille pouts. 

“We can do both.” Chilchuck made an effort to give a more encouraging tone.

Chilchuck felt disappointment in himself that he had to employ Marcille to use her newly heightened senses to try to find a way out of here. He lifts her up and presses her side to the wall so she can listen through. A small orb of light floats over their heads. Marcille can pull off some simple light spells in her halfling form. She wanted to do more such as make another familiar to scout, but everyone had been encouraging her to save her mana. The rest of the party stands by a short distance away to keep lookout for the horse monster.

“What do you hear, Marcille?” Chilchuck asks her.

“Steps here and there. I don’t know… everything sounds like it could be a monster. I hate it…” She shivers and grabs onto his head tightly. He blushes trying not to imagine her like one of his kids.

“Try to guess where it’s coming from.”

He dreads proceeding further into the dungeon. Of the party Marcille and Laios were the power houses. Laios, despite being a weirdo, knew how to deal with almost every creature they encountered. He had training as a prior army grunt. Since entering the dungeon, embracing monster cuisine, and becoming a dwarf he’s losing focus. He doesn’t have the stamina he used to have. Marcille casted all kinds of magic to counter the Mad Mage the dungeon master during their last encounter. They need Marcille as an elf with lots of mana to stand a chance against him. Falin as a chimera dragon would be nearly impossible to defeat too. How long were they down here? He had always told his daughters to have everything cleaned up after three weeks. He would be back any day past three weeks. They must remove any evidence of partying or boys over. They wouldn’t have boys over cause his nosey neighbors would have told him all about it. The three of them were all working adults so it’s unlikely they would have any time to cause too much trouble. It would be so great to be back. He wouldn't care if it was a little messy or if they broke into the liquor cabinet. No. He would care about that. It would also be bad if they decided to take things into their own hands to look for him. The thought of his naive girls leaving the safety of their village to look for him in the shady bars and outposts near the entrance to the dungeon taps away his drive to complete the mission. 

“I hear some voices.” Marcille whispers.

Chilchuck hopes it’s other adventurers. Not likely because no one else seemed to have moved past the large door they had gone through a few days ago. Yet…

“Give me a direction and distance where you heard it from.” Chichuck instructs her. She stands on his shoulders, puts her hands behind her big ears and listens carefully. “I think that way.” She points forward towards a pillar in the distance. Chichuck turns to tell the party to follow them, but they are interrupted by Izutsumi’s excited barking.

“Look there it is! There it is! See it?! See it?!”

A black horse with two large horns between its eyes stare down at them from a flat stone rooftop a hundred feet away. Laios identifies it right away.

“It’s a bicorn!”

Marcille leaps from Chichuck’s shoulders and heads over to them.

“We’re saved! We might not have to eat mushrooms again if we can catch it!”

Those idiots!, Chilchuck thought. He watches as the four of them run to the bicorn weapons raised and the bicorn darts off into the darkness. Undeterred by this setback, they form a huddle while Chilchuck tiredly looks on. Marcille draws something on the ground and whispers to Senshi. Senshi nods. Laios talks on and on about something. The cat-dog girl wags her tail. Hovering over the huddle, Chilchuck couldn’t make out what they were planning.

“Ok it’s settled!” Laios exclaims. Senshi goes into his bags, gets out a rope and hands it to him. Laios gives him the ax.

“Hey where’s your shield?” Laios asks.

“I’ll just give him this for now.” Senshi gives him his mythril pot.

“What? What’s all this?”

“You didn’t hear?” asks Marcille.

Senshi and Laios murmur to each other. 

“Well he is looking kinda aged…”

“I’ll tell you!” Marcille said excitedly. “We are going to use the scorched earth method.” She taps her staff near a heat spell inscription on the ground. “We are going to make a whole lot of these on that side of our prison maze. Senshi is going to activate them. This will smoke the beast out of hiding. Izutsumi will herd it over there.” She gestures her staff to a bottle neck of walls on the other side. Senshi chimes in. 

“Hate to see this happen to such a fine horse, but we are going to have you rope the beast and cut off its head when it comes to you.”

“Once you have it roped. I’ll help you slay it.” said Laios.

“But Senshi I thought you hated unnecessary damage to the dungeon environment.” Chilchuck protests.

“Sometimes we need to blow up a few walls to make an exit.”, Senshi admits. Marcille smiles and giggles manically. 

“Yes. Finally. Senshi, come with me.”

Small strings of smoke emit from Marcille and Senshi’s side of the labyrinth. Smoking the monster out of hiding will take some time. Laios and Chilchuck wait by the bottleneck going out of the stone courtyard with Izutsumi between the two groups. The theory was as long as there are eyes watching, the walls won’t change. A crash came from where Marcille and Senshi were lighting fires.

“Anytime now.” Laios runs away from Chilchuck towards the entrance.

“Hey! Where you going, Laios?” 

“Oh um… it has to do with the nature of bicorns. Bicorns are the opposite of unicorns. Unicorns are pure and can only be approached by virtuous people. Bicorns on the other hand only dishonorable people can-”

“I don’t need your monster encyclopedia answer. Give me the short answer. Why do you want me to do this alone?” Chichuck braces himself for Laios to give a blunt explanation.

“Ever since you became a tallman… you look suspicious.”

“What do you mean?”

Laios dug around in his pockets. “Let me get out my shaving kit. I’ve been having to use it more often since I became a dwarf so I carry it with me. The beard just keeps growing..oh here it is.” Laiosd shows him his mirror. “Look.”

Chilchuck thought he had just become taller and bigger in some places. He didn’t recognise the stubbled middle aged tallman’s face before him. The man looked like one of those loser goons the ores killed at the crooked pub on level three. One word came to mind: troll. He had turned into a troll. The kind he used to tell his girls about to scare them into doing their chores. If he turned up at their front door like this there was no way they would recognize him. Thus the tragedy of becoming a changeling. Chilchuck turns away listless.

“Oh. I see exactly what you mean. I do look like the criminal sort. I’ll be perfect for this role.” He sluggishly moves back into position.

 Laios recognizes that he laid it on him too strong. “I didn’t mean to offend you, Mr. Chilchuck! Tallmen just look more aged than halflings. You don’t look bad..you just look more like a father type than you did..I had some issues with um nevermind. Anyway you said some things and I’m not judging-Oh shit!” The bicorn leaps past him. The dark horse slows into a walk approaching Chilchuck. All of his body’s dulled senses bolt awake. His weariness fades away immediately. He stares down the beast, slowly walking towards it. He holds up the rope that was tied into a slipknot and drops it over the monster’s head. The tallman holds it steady while the beast tries to jerk away.

“You got it!” Laios exclaims. Chilchuck stares blankly at the line and the monster in disbelief.

“Oh damn. I did get it.” The monster bites down on Chilchuck’s arm that was not holding the pot shield. Lucky for him, he was wearing Laios’ arm bracers. Chilchuck didn’t have a weapon ready indicating his inexperience with jobs like this. He struggles and backs off just enough for the rope to slip out of his hands. The lassoed bicorn runs back to the courtyard with Chilchuck chasing after it. Laios follows behind them. From their left off in the distance buildings were collapsing. Pillars of fire burst out from the rubble. Senshi, Marcille, Izutsumi and more bicorns were fleeing the scene with a big cloud of dust coming behind them. 

“I’m never doing magic again!” elf Senshi screams.

Concentrating on his quarry, Chilchuck tries to grab the dragging rope. He almost grabs it until the bicorn leaps up a ten foot wall onto a roof.

“You’re not getting away!” He jumps up, steps on to the protruding rocks, and climbs the wall in a flash. Laios runs up to it, breathing heavily.

“Damn… Mr. Chilchuck.” He looks around for stairs.

At last Chilchuck had the monster cornered. Behind and to the right of the creature was a much higher wall that was several stories. Below was the rest of the party. He takes the ax and throws it. The ax brushes off to the side of the bicorn. He missed. The bicorn lowers its head and paws the dirt with its front hoof. I messed up. The beast springs into a charge at him. He loosens his largest knife out of his side pocket. Holding the knife he attempts to dodge to the side. The horn of the beast punctures his right shoulder. At the same time Chilchuck stabs as hard as he can into the side of the horse’s head. Brains and blood spill out. At the same time, Izutsumi pounces on to its back and bites into the monster’s neck. The monster collapses to its side, letting Chilchuck’s shoulder go. From the ground it kicks wildly until a moment later Laios steps in and finishes it by piercing its heart with his sword. The kobold beastling howls. Marcille and Senshi cheer. Laios wipes the blood off his blade and sheaths it. He goes right up to Chilchuck and embraces him. Being a lot shorter, Laios stood on the dead bicorn. Chilchuck his heart still racing, cheerfully raises his fists in the air, jumps and laughs with him.

“You were absolutely crazy! I knew you could fight monsters if you wanted to!” Laios yells.

“Of course I can! It was a piece of cake!”

It didn’t feel like him at all to be this hyped up. As a halfling his senses were at peak all the time except when he was drunk or asleep. It's probably why I’m so stressed out all the time. These lows and highs as a tallman… it actually feels really good. Maybe that’s part of why Laios acts like such a happy buffoon.

“Laios! Izutsumi! You got to get Chilchuck down here at once!” Marcille yells.

Chilchuck sees blood rushing down his arm. He reaches to his neck. The horn must have severed a few important arteries. That’s strange. I didn’t even feel any pain. He falls over dead.

Chilchuck gasps and sits up. Laios holds up tiny Marcille as her head sinks. They are inside an enclosure. Senshi already had meat cooking over the fire.

“She insisted she revive you. You died.” Laios recounts.

“Marcille..”

“The colors duke… the colors…” she murmurs to herself.

“Senshi made sure she ate before she used that spell, but it still took a lot out of her. It looks like she has a bad case of mana sickness. She’s most likely completely tapped out of mana too.” Laios explains. Chilchuck holds his head and groans. He watches Laios lay her over blankets. I shouldn’t have brought that on you, Marcille, he thought

“So I have as much luck dealing with other monsters as mimics.” Mimics which hide in treasure chests are the only monsters he as a locksmith is required to engage with as per contract. They have killed him many times. Now all monsters are like mimics… He imagined many different creatures before him turning into crabs. Senshi puts down a strange plate of stringy meat before Isumi, Laios and Chilchuck.

“I made sfilacci and I am going to try to make as much of the leftovers into bresaola.”

They all look at the hair like meat. What’s with the fanciness? Why can’t we just have BBQ?

Izutsumi asks, “What are these words? Oh well it smells good and meaty.” She gobbles it up. Chilchuck nibbles away at it, hiding the fact that he’s very hungry. Laios eats the hair meatball in one bite. The blonde dwarf looks like he wants to complain, but doesn’t. Senshi whittles away cutting up tiny pieces of the bicorn’s leg, making meticulous micro cuts. We are in a dungeon. Not a five star restaurant.

“Senshi, your food prep doesn’t need to..” Chilchuck tried to say. Senshi turns around in slow motion, his long black curls flowing, roses bloom in the air all around him, his eyelashes fluttering.

“You have a critique of my cooking?”

Chilchuck and Laios are stunned. Izutsumi bluntly interrupts, “Had becoming an elf made you lose common sense? I want steak!”

“I didn’t lose anything. I am just the same as I was.”

Izutsumi narrows her eyes at him. “Pretty Senshi, you just do your thing. Manly Chilchuck and you too Fat Laios, let’s make something ourselves too. I know you want the good parts.” Senshi frowns and keeps working.

The three of them move out of the enclosure to build a bigger campfire. It turned out that there wasn’t only one bicorn killed, but five more from the fire explosive magic. All that running around, fighting, and dying proved to be useless, Chilchuck concluded. Chilchuck helps Laios and Izutsumi carry one of the burnt up dead bodies to the campfire. As Chilchuck got the fire going the two butchered the carcass they brought over. 

“Magic is so overpowered. There was no point in having me involved.”

Laios gave him an encouraging smile. “We didn’t know Senshi was going to be that effective with magic. If anything we were using them to scare the bicorns your way. We did find out one thing.”

“And that was?”

“You don’t have loose morals. The bicorn still attacked you.” Chichuck sighs and rolls his eyes. “I know Marcille would want to pry into that more, but I will leave it there.”

Thank god. Perhaps Laios is maturing a bit. They set up the grill and put as many steaks on there as they could. As it cooks, Chilchuck’s mind wanders back into his bad habit of rumination. Senshi must be very upset that 1: he was coaxed into using magic, 2: we killed way more monsters than we had to and 3: more than half of us are making our own meal. Marcille too is in rough shape. 

The first round of steaks are done and Laios passes a big one to everyone’s plates. Izutsumi brows on it to cool it down before taking a bite. Chilchuck tries his and it tastes amazing probably because he was starved. Being revived takes a lot of vigor out of you. How could he convince Laios to have everyone return to the surface? He remembered the orc girl Leed’s advice to just be honest, yet he also didn’t want to plead with Laios overly emotional like that last time. Finally he said, “I feel bad for Marcille.”

“I know. I know.” Laios admits. “We are not going to be able to proceed without a confident magic user. Marcille is the best we have.”

“Admit it, we all aren’t at our best in these forms.”

“Not entirely. I did chop down on that horse real good.” Izutsumi smiles and ravishes into another steak.

“Yeah! You did do good! Who’s a good girl!?” Laios reaches to pat her head. She draws back.

“Noooo. No!” she barks back at him. Marcille weakly wanders out of the enclosure to them followed by Senshi.

“Come on! Join us!” Laios calls out to them. They gather around and Laios gives them a steak. Marcille quietly eats with tired eyes. Senshi refused their offering and just wanted to help.

And my conversation is derailed again. Chichuck takes another steak. He eats a few more while Senshi talks about the best ways to cook meat.

“You know I don’t understand why I didn’t think to just make jerky out of all this. Why did that fail to come to my mind? I don’t know. Perhaps because of the lack of salt?” As he ate and time went on Chichuck’s mood improved and he forgot about what he was so worried about. The effect of the food maybe? He probably ate the most in this one sitting than he had ever had for a meal in his entire life.

“Soooo I didn’t think you did too bad out there. You liked fighting monsters didn’t you?” Laios poked Chilchuck’s shoulder with a fork. Laios face gets covered by Chilchuck’s hand pushing him away. Chilchuck turns his head away from the group, hiding his grin.

“Maybe I did feel a bit of a thrill in it… I blame becoming a tallman or your insanity rubbing off on me. I think my luck with fighting general monsters will be as good as fighting mimics. I will probably die everytime.” They both laugh together as if they’re drunk. Marcille gives a concerned look and she speaks up to Senshi. 

“I might have been too pushy making you use magic… we were too reckless.”

Senshi gazes down at her and nods. In a moment Marcille’s ears perk up and she sees a small familiar fly through the air over them.

“Hey everybody watch out above you!” They all see it. The familiar looked like a glowing bird. “It’s the Canaries. They’re here!” Marcille puts out the fire. She opens her book and flashes through the pages. “Everyone stay together. I’m going to put a camouflage barrier over us so they won’t see us.” 

“Wait! Don’t-” Chilchuck cries out. Marcille holds her staff and casts the incantation from the book, stops in mid sentence and falls. Chilchuck catches her. The spell failed. Her body’s not tuned enough in magic to cast high level spells. Especially in the state she was already in. The walls change and a stairwell appears beside their encampment. A party of seven descend the staircase to them. Everyone stands up ready to defend themselves. The only weapons Senshi and Izutsumi had were knives and forks. Laios, the only one with his sword on hand, gets between the two parties. Chichuck holding Marcille in his arms sizes up the arrivals. The new group of seven only consisted of elves in advanced looking gear and armor. The elves walk up to them. Actually on closer inspection one of the men is a tallman.

“Well well. Hello dungeon adventurers. Please put your sword down, dwarf.  The rest of you put your… utensils down. We are merely a dungeon investigation unit.”, an elf with long blonde hair similar in appearance to Marcille orders. They do just that. Another elf with tattoos all over his body circles them.

“I don’t see the blonde elf mage. This party is completely different than the one described.”

Chilchuck came to the realization that with their bodies transformed by the changelings, they are perfectly disguised from their wanted physical profiles Kabru’s or Shiro’s party gave them.

“Are you the only party that made it this far? Have you seen any others?”, the tan elf woman asks them. Laios and Senshi shake their heads. “I mean have you encountered a party of five that has an elf female with blonde hair?”

An awkward silence. Chilchuck watches them with increased anxiety. 

Come on you two, say something. Senshi adverts their gaze and taps at Marcille’s staff with his foot. Senshi was supposed to deal with elves now that he is one. Laios is supposed to be the leader. In this moment of need they are both dead silent. From experience working with Laios, he often hesitates when speaking with people he doesn’t know. He will probably blow their cover. Chilchuck couldn’t allow that to happen.

“We’ve been trapped here by ourselves for months.” Chilchuck speaks out. Everyone in the other party turned their attention to him. Pressure’s on. “I’m Corkus and this is my daughter Neese.” The elves seemed satisfied with that response.

“That explains everything. We are also here to evacuate all adventurers from the dungeon and neutralize the dungeon lord. Would you like assistance getting to the surface?”, the blonde elf girl offers. The elves stare at the tallman waiting for an answer believing him to be the leader.

Chilchuck wanted to scream yes, but- He turns around to his party.

“What do you think? This could be our only way out of here.” Please everyone…

“Oh my head..” Marcille groans and sits up in his arms. He puts her tiny hand on his cheek. “I’m tired papa. Let’s go home.” She plays the part really well. Everyone followed suit.

“Yeah I think we went as far as we could.” It seems Laios would go with whatever Marcille wants.

“It would be nice to restock on spices.” Senshi says. Izutsumi nods with them.

“Thank you. We would like your help.” Chilchuck answers them pretending to be the party leader.

“I like it when they can be reasoned with. I’ll prepare a spell to get you all to the surface.” A dark skinned young elf in steel armor steps forward.

“Hold it. Before you let them go, I want to ask these adventurers a few questions.” The young man glares up at Chilchuck. The blue eyes look really familiar. “You know, Corkus, your gear and clothing of your party appear to be just like Laios’ party’s clothing and gear. For instance, that green circle scarf looks exactly like it belongs to a halfling in Laios’ party. ” Chilchuck suddenly recognized him. It’s Kabru. It’s fucking Kabru and he knows I’m lying through my teeth. How he disguised himself as an elf and got into the Canaries’ party is anyone’s guess.

“Um..we all shop at the same stores on the first floor?”

“Allow me to go through your gear and make sure it wasn’t stolen.” 

The gig is up. We have our initials on everything. Marcille has her full name on all her gear. A messy haired elf girl interrupts them. 

“Oh my gosh! Doesn’t this guy…” 

The other elves drop listening to Kabru’s conversation and show interest in Senshi. Senshi pulls back his hair and lets it flow in the breeze that’s coming from nowhere.

“Yes! The resemblance is uncanny!” A female elf with short hair yells.

“Whatever do you mean?” Senshi asks shyly.

“I mean you’re that guy from the The Daltian Clan novels. What’s his name…? the one with the eyepatch on a horse..”

“The character’s name is Forva and he’s the one with black hair. The one with the eyepatch is actually General Hareus.” Marcille corrects them in a dreamy whisper. 

“Oooooh!” Everyone of the elven’s party except for the tallman and Kabru exclaim with delight.

“Yeah! That!” nods the elf with the messy hair.

“Aww it’s so cute that the little ones are getting into our popular literature.” The blonde elf sighs. She completes her spell and reveals a large door portal to the Chilchuck and his companions. “All done here. Just step on through.” 

“But-” Kabru protests. The tan female elf addresses the only tallman in their party.

“Captain, do we need to waste our time questioning these guys anymore?”

He responds with a firm “No.” Chilchuck thought it very strange that a tallman would be a party leader to elves from the North Central Continent. I know it’s a stereotype for tallman males to be party leaders, but this is ridiculous.

Laios’ party gather by the portal. It all unravels when Marcille fully wakes up.

“Where are we going?”

Chilchuck whispers “Out of the dungeon.”

She gasps and squirms out of his arms.

“No, we can’t go. What about Falin?” she says to her party with tears in her eyes.

“Everyone should go, including you. I’ll stay and find her myself.” Laios assures her. Frustrated that all his efforts were about to go nowhere, Chilchuck grabs both of them by their shirtsleeves.

“Absolutely not! You are both going back with us right now!”

“Hey, I still need to find that Dungeon Master to undo my curse!” yells Izutsumi.

“You think it would hurt if I go through that portal?” Senshi whimpers. Chilchuck loses his temper. 

“What the hell is wrong with you all?!” They proceed to argue. Kabru puts his palm to his face.

“People. We got company.” The messy haired elf uses her familiars to widely illuminate the area. The dead bicorns that they didn’t eat, rose up. Headless men in black armor emerge and mount the beasts. One of them rides closer holding a giant sword, the tip of it scraping across the dungeon floor. The Captain uses a spell that makes two of them split in half from the waist. The headless men turn into black smoke and reappear fully intact.

“Phantoms.” The tallman grits his teeth, heavy sweat appearing on his brow.

“What are you waiting for?” The messy haired elf pushes Senshi into the portal. The cat-kobold follows him. More mounted headless black knights come out of the shadows surrounding them. Chilchuck kneels down and meets Laios and Marcille’s eyes.

“Pleeease go.” he pleads, feeling exhausted.

“Yes. We are going. Come on.” Laios puts his arm around Marcille and directs her toward the door. “I’m sorry, but Dunahan are really bad to go up against.” He shouts out to the Canary party. “The rest of you should return too!” Laios and Marcille disappear into the portal. Chilchuck leaves the elves behind, but just before he entered the portal he heard one of them say. 

“We should retreat too. Captain stepped through a changeling ring and it's negatively affecting his mana use.”

They return to the inside of the governor’s residence. The room was within the town hall section. Laios held his mouth and immediately ran for the exit to throw up. Transportation sickness is the worst for dwarfs. Curious what the elves said about the Captain, Chilchuck waits for the other party to make it through the portal. He notices that Laios and Marcille have already left the building.

“Oh you’re still here.” said the blonde magic-using elf. “You can go now.”

“You said something about the Captain experiencing going through a changeling ring?”

“Yes, a couple members of our party had undergone an inconvenient transformation.” Senshi and Izutsumi grab Chilchuck’s arms and start moving him to the exit. He had to get more information. Anything better than going with the knowledge of changelings from his homeland.

“Is there a cure?”

“Yeah. It’s easy. Just practice good hygiene. Once Captain and our tallman guide have washed off the spores, they should be back in shape in less than twelve hours. It’s really stubborn the longer it isn’t treated. Once the fungus settles into your nails, you're screwed.”

Chilchuck’s color drains out of his face as he hears her warning. Senshi and Izutsumi lead him to the door out of there. Kabru happily waves to them.

“Goodbye. Maybe I’ll meet you at the bathhouse later.”

To everyone’s surprise it was a sunny early afternoon at the surface. The dungeon was in the process of being evacuated and it showed. There were people of all races everywhere. Many figured the days of looting the dungeon were over and were in the process of packing up. Temporary shops were set up with signs saying “One day only sale!”, “Last Chance before we relocate.” and “Everything must go.” If this were different circumstances some shopping would have been in order, but removing the fungal spores is a priority. They head for Laios’ apartment, the only place they have to go to in town since Senshi lives in the dungeon, Izutsumi came from overseas, and Chilchuck’s home is several miles away. Laios’ apartment key was lost with his gear in the dungeon so Chilchuck had to lockpick his way in while the rest stood around him looking very suspicious. Once inside he reminded everyone that they all must wash off those spores. Once inside Laios gathered whatever soaps he could find and a washtub. He had to use a broomstick to get a box of shampoos from Falin’s closet for Marcille. Chilchuck pushed for them to wash out back instead of the bathhouse, because it would be crowded due to the dungeon evacuation. He also didn’t want to run into Kabru, the captain, or Shiro’s group if they are still on the island. He dreaded the scenario in which Laios tells Shiro that they failed and the samurai decides to cut off Laios head or hunt down Falin to put her out of her misery.

He could not help, but feel astounded that the interior of the apartment was just like the insides of the buildings in his hometown. Everything is normal sized. Actually he now had to watch his head going through doors. It will be a relief to be short again. Chilchuck walks into Falin’s side of the apartment to find Marcille on Falin’s bed crying. Izutsumi was sitting beside her providing comfort. He turns around and heads back before they notice his presence. Laios and Senshi had everything ready. 

“We will wash first outside and bring fresh water to the girls so they can bathe privately.” Senshi suggests. 

“Sounds like a plan.” Chilchuck responds.

Monsters sometimes do appear outside of the dungeon. Changelings were one of them. It was thought that the fairies would replace human children with one of their own to play a cruel joke. It was said that changelings were a problem in his hometown many years ago. The way the halfling community dealt with changelings was throwing them in a burn pit. Any mushroom fairy circles found were burned. Yep fire was the solution. Good thing the real way to turn back to himself was simply washing off the mushroom spores. They went up a nearby stream and got water. Chilchuck anticipated that Senshi and Laios wouldn’t want to bathe. Senshi because he rarely bathed as a dwarf and Laios because he wants to remain a changeling dwarf. To his surprise, they both comply without any hesitation. They wash their gear and clothes too. That included Laios’ transformed sword. Chilchuck walks into a pond the creek was feeding. Wouldn’t you want to remain changed? Tiny black specks swim up to his legs making him step back out. They’re just tadpoles. Normal animals. The dangers of the dungeon have made him skittish. He jumps in, plunges himself in the water and scrubs hard. Laios once again lends him some of his fresh clothes that would fit a tallman. Laios squeezes into one of his own shirts the best he could and rolls up his sleeves. Finally Senshi boils the water and fills it for the girls. Chilchuck wanted to wash up so bad that he didn’t care about water temperature. The girls on the other hand… Well they wanted it to be nice for them. The process takes time so Chilchuck asks Laios to borrow his shaving kit. Laios and Senshi both tease him offering to tell him how to use it. Away from them with a bit of a learning curve, Chilchuck shaves his beard off revealing a warped troll version of his old face. He could already feel that the hair would grow back in hours. How could Laios do this everyday? He returned to Senshi and Laios to see them in deep conversation. They stop as soon as they see him. What were they talking about?, he wondered. 

“The water is ready for them. We’ll just take it up to the apartment.”, Senshi says.

“You mean Laios and I.” Chilchuck responds knowing well that elf Senshi can’t lift. Carrying the washtub up with Laios, Chilchuck smells a flowery perfume from the water. “What is this?”

“You know… Marcille likes it fancy.” Chilchuck’s instincts sense a scheme, but decides not to push it. They bring the water over to Falin’s room. Only Marcille remained on the bed.

“Where’s Izutsumi?” Laios asks.

“Oh she got tired of waiting and took off. She told me she would clean off the spores on her own.” Marcille answers.

“It can’t be helped.” Senshi admits.

The three of them wait seated in Laios’ side of the apartment while Marcille washes herself in Falin’s room. Marcille calls over to them.

“So once we are back in our normal bodies, we will go down again?” The three grimace at the prospect of telling her bad news. Chilchuck was about to say something then Laios spoke up.

“The dungeon is being sealed away. The Canaries will enter in a couple days and defeat the Mad Mage.” He pauses. “I don’t know what will become of Falin.”

“What will we do? What can we do?” A long silence fell upon them.

“We should go to the pub tonight.” Chilchuck finally suggests. Everyone else was taken aback.

“Chilchuck really? Really!?” Marcille screams over to them.

He defends his proposal. “That’s what we always do after we return to the surface. It’s tradition.”

“We can’t go out and party at a time like this?! What if you turn back into a halfling in Laios’ clothing over there?”

“I’ll be so happy I’ll dance on the table naked. I’ll be so drunk, I won’t care.”

“Chilchuck, you’re an idiot!”

“Going to the pub doesn’t sound too bad to me.” Laios admits. Senshi agrees.

“You guys are so insensitive!”

“I thought you loved the food there.” Laios said. Chilchuck could hear splashing and grumbling from her side.

“Hurry and finish up, Marcille. There’s gonna be a big crowd tonight. We need to get there early to get good seats.”

“Come over here. I need help with something.” Chilchuck glances over to Laios and Senshi sitting in the corner looking a bit scared. He sighs, stands up and walks over to the entrance. A fully clothed Marcille drops a bucket of water on his head from above. She laughs and surries away.

“You little gremlin!” He yells as he chases after her.