jeb germproof

*at a family gathering* you’re all like coworkers to me

there will be layoffs

everyone make sure you leave out the milk and cookies and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife and knife tonight 🥰

Cargo shorts are one of the ugliest clothes ever invented. Next to overalls.

Cargo Shorts are useful when you’re meeting a white bear in the desert and have to carry Gun Oil, condoms, weed, a crowler of craft beer and your 3DS XL with pokemon moon so

Just carry a purse…

But I told him I was masc :(

:(

nice outfit LOSER. 1443 called but in a dialect of Early Modern English that hadn't experienced the Great Vowel Shift yet so i don't know what it said

car is a sentient beast that eats dollars and can tell when you have money in your bank account

[id: screenshot of a reply by valerico: Car is an expensive horse that loves to die]

All gays will go to hellsite

What if in hellsite but not gay

NO!

boobs is better than titties as a word because boobs is bouba while titties is kiki

do you think two pennies is still enough for the ferryman or has inflation driven up the fare

if he makes me use an app I am simply not crossing the river Styx.