Jarsum.

Some cleansing positive energy for your timeline

as a lawyer who’s been practicing for six years now I can say with certainty that this 100% applies to lawyers

the work printer cries out, "no stop, that's too much! youre gonna make me jam!" as i load a full ream into her tray, but it's too late. "see, you can take it. you're doing such a good job for me." i coo into her feeding tray as i begin printing the morning reports. her warning lights turn red as she moans in i assume ecstacy

the "came back wrong" trope except like... they didnt. like this mad scientists wife died, and so he studied necromancy, brought her back, and she came back and it all worked. like she came back exactly the same as she was before with literally no difference. but the scientist guy is like "oh no... what have i done.... shes Different now!!!! she came back Wrong!!!!" and shes just like. chilling. reading a book. cooking dinner. shes just so so normal but in the guys mind hes like "oh shes soooo weird" but shes just normal

NO its a JOKE and YOU DONT GET IT. ITS NOT THAT DEEP

While she was dead he put his memory of her on such a high pedestal that she could never live up to it alive

alternatively‚ she came back perfectly fine but he thinks she came back wrong‚ because the tragic reality is that he never actually knew his wife

im going INSANE thats MY POST.

It's your post but the journey to posting it changed it to such a degree that even its closest intimacies are now foreign to you. Sorry dude.

Like to charge and reblog to cast Chinese scientists destroying the Insulin industry

it's very frustrating that when you do something mature---something that really demonstrates how much you've grown as a human being and adult---no full orchestra immediately appears in your kitchen to play verdi's triumphal march and/or an arrangement of tina turner's "the best" at top volume.

Watching Star Wars was a mistake. For years I’ve derived so much pleasure from seeing discourse on my timeline that’s like “it’s actually a pretty good writing choice that Glimbo Knutts manipulated the imbledimbians in the force to make Darth Freeble his personal jedi froogler. It gives the original trilogy more depth” and not knowing what the fuck anybody is talking about. But now I do and it’s ruined. I understand what you freak ass dorks are saying and it isn’t fun anymore. Glimbo Knutts making Darth Freeble his jedi froogler DOES give the original trilogy more depth. This sucks man

I once had to explain to my then-gf that Star Wars is like "at the end of the day, even a single person can be a ripple in the movement to destroy fascism. the empire will crumble when confronted with the inherent goodness of the human spirit. to hope is not weak, our hope makes us strong. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, Admiral Beebo?" and then a little frog in a fighter jet goes "BEEBO WEEE-HOO!"

people are always like "why did you know to do that? how did you know my name? why did you know where we would be? why are you so calm about--" SHUDDAP and ask me about the 40+ Pringle flavors i've tried while stuck in this time loop. i've had so many and i have opinions

Official Time Loop Post

That paw tap did it

Don't make me tap the sign (again).

sure whatever. porn rots holes in your brain. anything that makes you feel good is bad actually. if you derive joy from movies or food or seeing your friends that's also deeply suspect and you should probably go to confession about it. if I'm being totally honest we should not stop with porn, having sex with other people is pretty fucked up. kind of predatory to desire another person carnally. probably we should all just go live in caves and think about god until we die a celibate death.

in my undergrad classes we talked about how periods of (relative) social progress are often followed by sharp conservative backlash, and I didn't really get it until I lived through it with the 2016 election. and like a fucking goober I thought "well, at least this is as bad as it will ever get iny lifetime," because I could never in ten million years could have predicted the protestant comeback tour convincing people that they're psychologically diseased sex criminals if they so much as think about nutting

IT

FUCKEN

WIMDY